The Unconscious

My dearest readers, I am here again, well thanks to some Eureka moment which I found myself in from watching, “Devil in Ohio”. And no! This isn’t about the Devil. It is about me and my struggle to understand the effects my childhood trauma has had upon my life. While deliciously mysterious with a strong start to it, the limited series is more about our childhood traumas and how we cope as adults than anything else- atleast to me.

Somewhere in the series, Dr. Suzanne is taking the step we all must take at some point of our life, especially if we had had a less than favorable childhood- seeing a therapist. She finds herself seated before a brain-picking genius of a therapist who spoke to me just as much as she spoke to our Dr. In that scene, she tells her that the reason she wants to save everyone even when it is not convenient for herself or her family, is because she wasn’t saved as a child from an abusive stepfather and a complacent mother. She has three amazing daughters, the last of whom she adopted, if you didn’t count the newest member of her family, an abused run-away girl from a satanic occult group. Apparently, according to the therapist, our Dr. would have saved every lost and unloved child in the universe, if she could. In that moment, when the therapist looked into her eyes and said these simple albeit powerful words, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Dearest reader, I don’t know why exactly these words struck me so deeply. Could it be because, I, like Dr. Suzanne, feel compelled to save others who appear to be in need of saving? Could it perhaps have anything to do with why I am drawn to help little abandoned kittens who have nobody to help them? Is this also why I am scared of being abandoned myself by family and friends? Also, why I am afraid of venturing out into the scary world outside my comfort zone and safe space?

For this reason, and many others, I find myself afraid of anything new. I want to stay with what’s familiar as long as I can, maybe, forever. I don’t want to break free if it means having to leave my safe space and face the uncertainty of the world outside. Outside is not safe. That is what my mind tells me. Nothing is guaranteed I might regret my decision to leave home if things don’t work out wherever it is I would be. I feel like Rapunzel, except if she were offered a chance to flee, I would instead choose to stay in the familiar, safe prison.

Heal Yourself; How to access your past and future self and be there for them during hard times

Dear reader and esteemed fan of everything spiritual, I am writing this post today, after the sweet aftermath of a gratitude meditation session with Manifest By Jess, a YouTube healer and my go-to gratitude champion. It has been forever since the last time I meditated, which explains why I have been so unfocused and unhappy. Meditation is a true gem which could save our lives if only people made it a priority first thing on their daily to-do lists.

If you are familiar with my journey here on this platform, you would know that I have had to grow up in the most unhealthy, chaotic surroundings without anything stable to ground my young and lost self on. Being here right now, writing this, is a testimony of the miraculous fact that I survived. I am strong and tough, yes, but that doesn’t mean I have no scars. These scars manifest themselves as chronic depression, which lasts months on end and severe anxiety and panic attacks. Given my suffering state of being, it is no wonder I desire healing more than anything else. Abundance therefore, for me means first and foremost, healing of all my wounds which I have suffered as a result of the hell I have been through, followed by freedom to enjoy life without restrictions and all the financial freedom the universe can give me in a single lifetime! I tried many times, to pray for true love, a job, and everything else I thought I needed to be happy and the universe delivered most if not all. While I was thankful of course, for my blessings, I realized that I was still hurting pretty badly, and that if I had healed first, I would have enjoyed everything else so much more. so how does anybody heal from past trauma? is someone going to come and help me heal? I don’t think anyone is coming.

Dale Carnegie, in his book, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, told me a story of how he met a man who was looking for solutions to his life problems everywhere else, except in himself. Dale Carnegie then told him the truth we all fear and resent so much: Nobody is coming! Yes, that is true, there is nothing or no one out there who will show up to do the work you should be doing on yourself. And this was tough to hear because I had believed all my life, that God has prepared special angels in the form of helpful people who will reward those who have been suffering with everything they desire, as an incentive for surviving all the difficult times and refusing to give up hope. So, everyday, I would pray to God to hasten the arrival of my soul family, soulmate or that special someone, who would be the answer to my prayers and change my life for the better. You guessed right! This person never came. Why? because the person I was praying for, the one who would heal me and make everything right, was me all along. Let me explain…

If you are familiar with spirituality, you would know that one of the most important hail Marys of this universe, is the saying that time is an illusion. There is only now, this present moment. And if that is true it means, the child me is here right now, going through the worst time of her life, that heartbroken betrayed younger me is crying on that bed right now, that depressed me who cannot get out of bed to eat or wash up is suffering right this minute as I am writing this. This powerful truth is so life-changing. this means that with meditation and intention, you could send energies of healing, love and support to that version of you who is suffering alone. in fact, you could even send them guidance and advice, talk with them, and imagine yourself as if you were there, in that room with them, comforting them, and promising them that you would always be there for them. And the thing is, whether you want to believe it or not, YOU WERE always there for yourself! I know this may be hard to believe but trust me when I tell you, you can heal yourself from trauma, especially the type which does not listen to therapy or pills, by accessing your past self, and in some instances, your future self, through meditation and intention. Try it today! What do you have to lose?

Some affirmations you can use while meditating:

“I send energies of love and healing to my hurting self, in all directions of time and space, past, present and future.”

“My inner child, my younger self, I know you are hurting, please know I am here for you and I love you.”

“You are everything to me, my most important person, who I cherish very much more than anything else in the world, and I will always be there for you , no matter what. Therefore, don’t feel alone. You are never alone.”

“You are worthy and oh so valuable to me. I love you and care about you very much. Know that I am always there for you no matter what.”

These are just some affirmations I use for myself. Feel free to use more specific ones suitable for your situation and your trauma. All the best!

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