Love is not enough

All we need is love, they say. Well, I disagree. While love feels like the warm rays of the sunrise on your face after a freezing, damp and dark night, the sun does not last for in the evening, it bids goodbye and leaves us once again, clad in the shadow of the night.

For this reason, I didn’t think twice about telling him how this is not going to work. It was high time I accepted the fact that he was just not going to give me the life I need. As expected, he was realistic again, as he said he couldn’t see a future with us. He was always the realist, this man. I was the one living in the clouds and building castles without a foundation. I was always dreaming of a future where there was none to be had. However, today was the first time I felt calm about letting him go. It was always nerve wrecking before, whenever reality hit hard and I was forced to step away. There was once a time I would dread not hearing from him for even a day. That time is over. Thankfully I can breath and sleep without a problem. I am sure he hates how I have changed but he should know that by now, I love myself enough to walk away, not bitter and broken, but happy and at peace!

To this man I once loved more than myself I say sorry. I am sorry for leaving you after I learned to live myself first and foremost. I am sorry that I am running so fast and it looks like I am leaving you behind- to the same place you were when I met you five years ago. That has always been my style, I am stuck so hard you would think i would never escape, but once I manage to free myself I never look back.

Therefore, after many runs of trial and error, I find myself free at last. I am free from the past me who would settle for crumbs of love when I deserved the whole box of cookies. I am free from my old version of me who would attract the same type of relationships which hurt me the same way my father has. That part of me who would get into relationships with men who reminded me of my father, so I would get triggered over and over again every time I couldn’t text someone or call them, or be acknowledged in public with them, is now dead. I buried her. End of the story!

I Created My Husband

Everyone at some point in their life goes through a “Who will I marry? When will I meet the one?” crisis( trust me, ask the tarot readers they will tell you it is true). Just like midlife crisis for men and menopause for women, this rather depressing phase of our life could drag on for what seems like forever, making us question whether God of Happy-Ever-After was even getting our incessant applications for that perfect soulmate in the first place, or he just doesn’t even have the time to see them, because he is too busy orchestrating happy endings for everyone else, except for us!

Ping Ponging between our exes remains the only option albeit the least attractive one, but what could a girl do? Netflix has run out of good tv and self-pleasing is not fun anymore( my clitoris is screaming for ceasefire, she is falling apart, she is threatening to file a domestic abuse complaint with the Clitoris Police). Little does anyone know, Mr. Right just cannot be one of our exes. They are exes for a reason!

So how does a girl get married? What is the name of the store which sells husbands? How much does a 6 feet tall, blue-eyed, Henry cavill look-alike cost?

Since Heavenly Mail is on lockdown, and all my tear-filled prayers to God have been stamped “Return To Sender”, I am now convinced more than ever that praying is not going to be the way that does it for this girl, and maybe, it is this very state of hopelessness, which drove me to a very crazy idea: What if I could C.R.E.A.T.E my husband?

Bob Proctor in one of his videos mentioned that as spiritual beings in an energy-filled universe, we hold the power to manifest that which we desire through acting as if we already have it. So if applied correctly, this method uses feelings, a hypothesis invented by Neville Goddard in his book, Feeling Is the Secret which explains that you could create your circumstances of choice by feeling as if you were already living in them. This includes people, too. So as Proctor would detail it for us, you need to start seeing the person of your dreams in your mind’s eye, talk and act as if he is right there beside you. For this to really work, you need to of course, start with a face, the colour of his eyes, his smile(and those dimples), his hair, his height, complexion and frame. The next step would be to give him a name( of course, come on). All this sounds easy right? No big deal! Well that is not all you have to do… it gets a little bit spooky and downright cray cray from here on out!

Living with a ghost is more like it. If I remember correctly, Proctor said you have to sleep with him, set a side a space with his pillow beside you on the bed, talk to him as if he is really there, ( talk of the imaginary boy in the movie, the Conjuring),basically, all the stuff you would normally do with your partner.The key is to get your imagination going, but not too far, I hope.

Playing God does have its perks. You get to choose how he looks like, make him just the way you would want him to be, just the way you like your pizza or birthday cake! Delicious and mouth watering, and no matter how many times you have had them, you just can’t have enough! I wish this works, because here is a little secret, I just bought a cauldron for this magic mix and I can’t wait to stir! The final product is blue-eyed like Hamoa beach of Maui, is tall and oh so handsome! Abracadabra!

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