Wish wisely, Or better yet, Don’t wish at all!

Do you recall how frustrated I have been about married men who seem to be drawn to me everywhere I go, when all I want is to be in a normal relationship with a guy who is available and free? Well, I just realized why that may be the case. I remember a long time ago, the ignorant 13 year old me who did not know anything about love or dating, used to blurt out things like, ” How nice would it be to be the second wife to someone! You don’t have to cook for them on a daily basis or wash their clothes, you are pretty much only seeing them once in a while and you get to enjoy the rest of your time alone, doing pretty much everything you want freely without the responsibility of another person weighing on your shoulders.” For those who don’t know what I am talking about here, Muslims in our community are allowed to marry as many as four wives at one single time. While this is no picnic for the second, third and fourth wife, women still find themselves stuck in these multi-party relationships which don’t make them happy at all! So why in the hell would I be wishing for something like that? All I can say is, at the time, I didn’t know any better. However, the universe does not filter out anything you say and believe. With enough consistency of thought and belief, the universe will make sure you get what you say you want, eventually.

You can imagine my utter shock in finding out that I am the master mind behind my own heartbreaks from these overly complicated relationships where I was the infamous mistress. I am not proud of what I put myself through and perhaps this will be the best lesson of the new year for me. I need to start saying and wishing only wonderful things. I cannot emphasize the importance of self-prophecy in your life. Please be mindful of what you put out to the universe in terms of your thoughts, beliefs and wishes. They will definitely come true if not today, tomorrow when you have forgotten about them and have outgrown them. I have obviously outgrown most of what my ignorant young self used to believe back then, but that does not mean the universe will drastically make a prompt shift to accommodate my new set of beliefs. The universe is made up of chain reactions which have had years of input getting into shape. It takes just as much effort and time to unwind what you have built over time. So, I advise you and myself moving forward, let us only wish for things which serve our highest good. And like I say, sometimes the current us does not know what that is, so before we end up wishing for stuff which would bring us only misery in the future, let us surrender to the universe to bring to us what we desire or better than that. The universe knows and we don’t, mostly. So why not stop wishing and just generally pray that whatever situation we find ourselves in brings us happiness and fulfilment? Why don’t we just say to the universe, “I know good things are coming my way in this very moment. I surrender to you my desires of this and that(mention your wants and needs) but I know that you know what brings me joy and what will be for my highest good overall. Therefore, I trust that whatever you will bring my way will be for my highest good and nothing less than that. If anything I wish and pray to have is not good for me, I trust that you will protect me from getting it and instead send my way what is better for me. Thank you.”

And that my good people, is how we wish from now on!

Meditation of Love and Forgiveness-Ho’opnopono

I am Sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Ho’opnopono

There is something in this world which responds beautifully to these four words: I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. Speak them often to yourself and to absolutely anything else in your life, and watch as stuff start to change for the better. They say you need to at least do this meditation for 21 days to see the results. I am on day I don’t know but it has been several days now and I am already feeling much better overall.

This powerful meditation has an equally powerful story behind it. A psychiatrist used this healing meditation on a group of hopeless and dangerous lunatics with criminal records whom no doctor could treat and had been left in an abandoned ward and they all ended up fully healed and well. I must say, it was hard to believe at first, given that they are just simple words with no extraordinary meaning to them, however, I have come to realize that they could be life-changing if felt with the heart! They are capable of healing your unresolved traumas, your inner child, your stormy relationships and your negative thought patterns.

Love is healing and so is gratitude. That is why I think the two words, I love you and thank you in this meditation stand out to me the most. Interestingly, this world seems to have been built around a certain wavelength which reacts to any expression of gratitude. For example, if you were to say thank you everyday for everything you have, you would notice that everything else you wanted before keeps on coming to you effortlessly. The more gratitude you show, the more things keep showing up for you to be grateful for. It is a code which responds directly proportional to your level of gratitude.

The miracles this Ho’oponopono meditation could unravel are infinite. I believe only when you have used it to heal yourself and others with whom you have had a falling out, will you be able to see the benefits this meditation holds. Even then, you wouldn’t have seen everything it has to offer you unless you are willing to try it on absolutely anything and everything.

Talking of experimenting, I saw a video where a woman was saying these words to money she was holding in her hands. She spoke to the money as if it was alive and for once I think we could have the answer to solving all our world problems such as poverty, food insecurity, epidemics and wars. Imagine if the whole world were to practice this meditation with intention to alleviate all the disasters mankind has had to endure throughout generations! I believe the world would become heaven itself! Let’s Ho’oponopono our way into 2022, shall we?

Master Your Mind, Master Your Life

We live in a world system which has conditioned us, whether intentionally or by accident, to believe we are weak. Schools were put up to teach us because we are ignorant. Hospitals exist to treat us because we can’t heal ourselves. Religion was created because we cannot take responsibility for our own lives; there needs to be someone we can blame for causing us unhappiness and pain right? There has to be someone, other than us, who is in control of our lives, making us miserable most of the times than happy, right? Wrong!

With every passing day, people are realizing the system is not how things really are. Many exemplary authors of life-changing books have testified about miraculous achievements where cancer patients, paralyzed people and others have completely healed just by thinking they are healthy and practicing feeling health and seeing themselves cancer free, or walking and running and completely healed. People like the youngest physicist in the world, show us that we are not naturally ignorant as to require schools to paint brush knowledge into our minds, but rather, we already know what we need to know and the schools give us a means to communicate that to others or at least structure it; and this can be done by just about anyone really, proving how many more people today prefer to homeschool their children, or at least control the environment in which their children are given this guidance or channeling.

Religion, on the other hand, well what do I say? This one is a tough one. It has been the oldest system perhaps and is the hardest to change or to reprogram our minds about what we believe. It is the most personal of all of the systems and most guarded. All these systems were created by us as we struggled to come up with the meaning behind life. We needed to hold unto something, to refer back to a way of life. Given that the world has millions if not billions of languages, cultures and geographical spaces, it makes sense that our religions are also different and each one seems strange and blasphemous to one another. I am not saying there is no God. There indeed exists the source of all the life we are and we see; a master designer, and genius at that! However, when it came to religions as the systems we know today, it was back then, all about the individual community’s or person’s personal experience with this source of life and how successfully they were able to influence or rather put everyone else, who did not take the time to think about the existential nitty gritties of life, on board their ship. Over time, and many centuries later, modifications were added to suit these philosophies about God, acquired from the personal experiences, whether ordinary or miraculous, of who God is or is not, and we have what we have today. That is why, many people even though they are amazed by the truths present in some holy scriptures about findings science only came to discover later, they are horrified by some ideas contained within them. Ideas like idolize get one community of people above everyone else, like in the bible and Quran for example, where God is literally taken to be the God of Israelis since the tribe has been mentioned to be favored by God. Also, many prophets if not all, are Jewish or Hebrew. As I take it, even prophet Mohammed peace be upon him and his family, is a descendant of Ishmael, the other son of prophet Abraham, a Hebrew. So it basically means today, that all Muslims in the world, and Christians alike, believe in the God of Israelis or Jews. Then it begs also the question, why would these two sides never eat from the same plate if they cook from the same pot? And why Muslims hate Jews so much if they worship their God and read the Quran, which has a special chapter on Israelis and mentions throughout the text how God has favored Israelis above everyone else in the world? Anyways, you get my point. I don’t want to get too much into religious politics, that is not what this post is about.

This post is about how we as a human race, have successfully built and programmed our minds around systems which defeat us instead of uplift us? How have we successfully sustained the very systems which have disempowered us and made us victims of our life circumstances? Today, when authors like Joe Dispenza, Joe Vitale, Bob Proctor, Neville Goddard, Rhonda Byrne and Jen Sincero write about the power of our minds and how we can heal from diseases just by thinking and feeling, and how we can surrender to the real God, haha excuse my language, rather what I mean to say is, how we can each find our personal relationship with God God, not someone else’s God, we are reluctant to accept this new truth. We shun it and say it is blasphemous! (Myself included, well it has not been easy I tell you). Don’t we realize how the prophets had ties unique relationship with God, don’t we want to find and search for him ourselves like they did? Don’t we want to talk to God, ask him for signs and miracles, like they did? Why are we robbing ourselves of this special feeling of being closer to God?Why do we have to believe only hospitals can take away our sickness, when God heals us through our own mind? Why do we succumb to fears and failures when God through our minds, has equipped us with ways we can create what we want to experience with imagination, visualization and positive thoughts. Do you think God would have sent us to this world helpless? Or would he have given us all we need to thrive? If the answer is yes, then why can’t we accept the abilities and creative power God has given us through our minds and get out of our own way? Why can’t we look for God in everything we see and marvel at his genius? Why can’t we live the life of our dreams, which God intended for us, where we thrive instead of surviving because we refuse to give up ideas which hurt us and take our power away from us? All God wants is for us to enjoy this life he has given us and to partake in the food he provided for us to sustain us, and use the power he gave us to create our own experiences and in return he says, “When you are thankful, I will increase you.” Is that so hard?

The Grass is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

I had many reasons to stay unhappy. I am lonely one hundred percent of the time, my relationship status is the famous, “it is complicated”, I am just realizing I suffer from depression and I am too sad to clap for anyone who dares to celebrate anything around this time. I have known in my heart that I could be happier if only I had that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful home, that healthy family, that healthy mindset, that amazing life which has done nothing but remained pathetic and useless stickers on my vision board. If only I could live my dream life, with my dream someone. If only I did not suffer from depression but was healthy and fit. If only I got married earlier instead of choosing to remain a lonely and sad cat lady forever. If only I had done what I loved everyday instead of forcing myself to do anything else. If only…

It is always tempting to think the grass is greener on the other side of the misery we have called our life. It is easy to leave and give up what we are not satisfied with and go after what we think could become our source of happiness. Little do we know that we are where we are with what or who we are stuck with for a reason. That reason could simply be the fact that we need to transform into what we want to have. It could be that we are unhappy because we refuse to change our paradigms. The moment we change how we look at the world, it will change in tandem. Such a simple law, why is it so hard to follow?

I remember how my life used to suck big time. And now that I am here, I realize most, if not all of my pain was caused by my perception of people and things. It was me who hurt me more than anyone else. It was my view of money, relationships, family, home, school and people in general which tormented me. All the while my finger was pointed at that boyfriend who betrayed me, that parent who did not try to get close to me, that neighbour who was spiteful, God who was uncaring and unfair, that family dysfunction, my broken home, my lonely life, my foolish mistakes, money which was not enough and on and on the list went. My life sucked and it was everyone’s fault. And then, there were the Why Me? moments. Why did I not have a healthy family which could support me and be there for me? Why did I have to be born into a family with a history of mental illness? Why did my father have to live far away from me? Why am I a secret child? Why can’t I meet my step sisters and brothers across the world? Why did I choose law and not english literature or creative writing, which are both things I love? Why am I in a complicated relationship when I should be happily married to the man of my dreams? Why me God?Why?

I have to say, the biggest changes happen in the subtlest of ways. I have been transforming big time. Even with so many dreams still out of reach for me at the moment, even as my stubborn reality still mocks me, I have not remained the same. Little by little, one day at a time, I have made progress on my personality, attitude and behavior. For example, my old self would have a hard time communicating how they felt with others. Nowadays, I feel urged by a little inner voice to speak up. Say how you feel, it nudges. And I comply despite my unwillingness, only to feel so happy afterwards, as if a load has been lifted off of my aching, drooping shoulders; shoulders which have carried so much resentment, unspoken feelings, guilt, past hurts, fears, anger, bitterness and shame.

For this reason, I believe that we can only be happy if we change how we see the world around us. There is not going to be any other place, person or thing outside there which could make us fulfilled if we remain the way we are right now. It is important to change and prepare ourselves for our dream person and life. It starts here, inside us, and if that is a happy place, then everywhere else will be too.

You Are Asking Wrong; When Your Prayers Go Unanswered!

Don’t ask for the wrong things. Ask the universe to give you what you need the most and what will make you the happiest!

Please allow me to tell you this: each one of us has two personas within us. One is our external person whose suit we are wearing as our physical bodies. This person is in this life to learn , make mistakes and grow from them, so you can say she still has a lot more stuff she needs to mess up and I would not rely on her entirely when making important decisions; for those life-changing decisions, I would need a little extra guidance . And that is where the other, who is our true essence, comes in. Our higher self is unlimited and unrestrained by anything in this reality. This higher form of self is always there, whispering our biggest ideas into our ears and through intuition, makes us make the right decisions for ourselves.

Let me help you understand. Imagine your home. It is a space you live in which is in a town you are familiar with. Your home town may look big to you , you could even get lost in it or need the help of a car or train to take you from one place to another. However, if you take out your world map, or rather, your country map, you will quickly notice that the entire town or city you have been seeing as expansive and vast is actually just a tiny dot in a sea of dots all over across the world. Now, suppose this tiny dot of your home town is your physical ego self, your higher self is the world map with all its dots. What I am saying is, you are bigger than this physical manifestation. Imagine it as if someone tried to fit the titanic into a swimming pool. That is how infinite your true essence is. It has lived and occupied that much space throughout several lifetimes including this one, and already knows so much, wisdom which you can tap into for guidance in moments of confusion.

As I write this I realize some of you may not have been convinced. You are not small. You matter and you have everything you need to lead the life you want. The question is always, “what do you want?” , Not “what don’t you want?”! Don’t let the simplicity of this question fool you. If this question were asked to most of us, we would be shocked to find out most of the stuff we have replied with have very little to do with what we truly, really want from deep in our hearts. This is because, as humans we are moved to want what we don’t have at the moment. Right now. So for example, I will say, I want money. To have lots of it so I don’t get scared about not having enough in the future. Why? Because I am currently entertaining feelings of not having enough money. I have been feeling as if I will not ever get money again. That somehow, there is not enough money in the world to come my way. The world bank shut down. There will be no more money available. Everyone is going to have to make do with what they already have! That is my current mood. But is that really the case? Do I really know that I will not very soon walk into fortune and have everything I want very easily , just like that? Why is it so easy to assume the worst and accept it as the truth and only truth and absolutely unfathomably impossible to assume the best and declare that as the only truth?

Long story short, there are things we need, which we don’t have right now. Things that we forget to remember when we pray fervently on our prayer mats. Instead of asking for them, we find ourselves asking for what is not really going to bring us what we need: happiness, joy and a meaningful life lived to the fullest! Who is to blame? Our egos, for not seeing far enough, for being motivated only by our nearest needs and demands and for not having the foresight which only our highest forms of self possess!

I will get real clear about one fact. You will definitely get what you ask for.That is a guarantee and I swear to God if more people knew this and 100% believed in this, depression and anxiety would become extinct and therapists would all lose their jobs! The real trick is to know what is it you should ask for. If you ask for something which is in alignment with your higher self, you will find those things come very quickly. On the other hand when you keep asking and you are not getting, instead of doubting the integrity of God and start accusing him of being unfair and biased( please forgive me), you should ask yourself, what is wrong with what I am asking? Is what I pray for really what I need to be happy? Am I asking wrong? Because most times, that would be the case.

So How Do you Ask Right?

Joe Vitale, in his book The Attractor Factor, said, while asking for something from the universe, after you have stated everything you want, for example,

” please God bless me with a beautiful home, a handsome man to love and protect me, a nice car, lots of money so much so that I will not know what to do with it even after I have done absolutely everything I desire, a big library full of all the best books, my own private island with a cabin I can just go to escape from the world once in a while and read, sleep and eat, the freedom to travel the world and enjoy beautiful exotic places, dining at high end restaurants, …

don’t forget to say this powerful statement,

“…this or better than this.”

This means that you are willing to let the universe bring to you what could be way better than what you are asking for. This short powerful statement shows the universe or God, you trust fully that what you will receive will positively surprise you, because it will be better than what you could imagine was possible. This also means, you acknowledge the fact that from your limited perception of what is possible or not, you might have asked for something you don’t really need and that there is something more and better which exists out of your imagination and understanding, to which if you surrendered to the universe, would be granted to you.

I Created My Husband

Everyone at some point in their life goes through a “Who will I marry? When will I meet the one?” crisis( trust me, ask the tarot readers they will tell you it is true). Just like midlife crisis for men and menopause for women, this rather depressing phase of our life could drag on for what seems like forever, making us question whether God of Happy-Ever-After was even getting our incessant applications for that perfect soulmate in the first place, or he just doesn’t even have the time to see them, because he is too busy orchestrating happy endings for everyone else, except for us!

Ping Ponging between our exes remains the only option albeit the least attractive one, but what could a girl do? Netflix has run out of good tv and self-pleasing is not fun anymore( my clitoris is screaming for ceasefire, she is falling apart, she is threatening to file a domestic abuse complaint with the Clitoris Police). Little does anyone know, Mr. Right just cannot be one of our exes. They are exes for a reason!

So how does a girl get married? What is the name of the store which sells husbands? How much does a 6 feet tall, blue-eyed, Henry cavill look-alike cost?

Since Heavenly Mail is on lockdown, and all my tear-filled prayers to God have been stamped “Return To Sender”, I am now convinced more than ever that praying is not going to be the way that does it for this girl, and maybe, it is this very state of hopelessness, which drove me to a very crazy idea: What if I could C.R.E.A.T.E my husband?

Bob Proctor in one of his videos mentioned that as spiritual beings in an energy-filled universe, we hold the power to manifest that which we desire through acting as if we already have it. So if applied correctly, this method uses feelings, a hypothesis invented by Neville Goddard in his book, Feeling Is the Secret which explains that you could create your circumstances of choice by feeling as if you were already living in them. This includes people, too. So as Proctor would detail it for us, you need to start seeing the person of your dreams in your mind’s eye, talk and act as if he is right there beside you. For this to really work, you need to of course, start with a face, the colour of his eyes, his smile(and those dimples), his hair, his height, complexion and frame. The next step would be to give him a name( of course, come on). All this sounds easy right? No big deal! Well that is not all you have to do… it gets a little bit spooky and downright cray cray from here on out!

Living with a ghost is more like it. If I remember correctly, Proctor said you have to sleep with him, set a side a space with his pillow beside you on the bed, talk to him as if he is really there, ( talk of the imaginary boy in the movie, the Conjuring),basically, all the stuff you would normally do with your partner.The key is to get your imagination going, but not too far, I hope.

Playing God does have its perks. You get to choose how he looks like, make him just the way you would want him to be, just the way you like your pizza or birthday cake! Delicious and mouth watering, and no matter how many times you have had them, you just can’t have enough! I wish this works, because here is a little secret, I just bought a cauldron for this magic mix and I can’t wait to stir! The final product is blue-eyed like Hamoa beach of Maui, is tall and oh so handsome! Abracadabra!

The 7 States Of Mind That Will Change Your Life

What if I told you that everything you have been told about life until now is very little and they left out the most important parts?

Would you be willing to do away with everything you have learned about life and start over in your mind?

I am lucky. I am lucky I got access to this kind of thinking; to the truth about life. Can you also get the same? The answer depends on you. Do you allow yourself to think differently, to dare to forget everything and embrace a path that is filled with possibilities and miracles?

In order to get acquainted with this way of life you need to be in the following states of mind:

  1. Question everything. Ask why everything you have known and seen and touched and experienced, is the way it is. Who decided this? Is there another way the things you have known about life could have been, is there a better way?
  2. Be daring and a little bananas. How much are you willing to forego? Are you brave enough to declare your power over your life? Do you perhaps get scared to believe in more than one way of thinking? For example, me being born a Muslim already meant that there will always be a line I am not supposed to cross when it comes to beliefs and God and whatnot. I remember the very first time I held “The Secret” book in my hands and someone warned me, “No, be careful, you will confuse your thoughts.” Back to my question, are you willing to read that book anyway, and believe regardless of your beliefous background?
  3. Are your current beliefs working out for you? Many people in the world have benefited from seeing the world in a brand new way, wishing they had known how this world worked earlier, so they could have avoided so much suffering and helplessness. Will you still believe even after seeing miracles? Or will you be like the pharaoh, who demanded in order to believe, “Prove yourselves by working a miracle,” and still disbelieved anyway.
  4. Are you sure about this? Ask yourself, do I wish to see my life change? Because once you know, you know. You cannot un-know all the exciting things this new way of thinking will bring to your life.
  5. What you see or “reality” is indeed, the illusion. Are you willing to accept that what is happening to you or your life circumstances are all created by you? Can you change from a passive victim to an active creator of your own reality?
  6. All the mambo-jumbo about the universe is actually truth( and thank God or whoever it was who made this information available). Only on Earth or in this dimension, is the real truth made to be a delusion or the ramblings of lunatics, whereas, the so-called “reality” in which everyone finds themselves helpless and suffering, is made to be the truth. Why should you accept a truth that causes suffering, when an option exists which will free you and give you everything you want? How hard can it be, when all you have to do is believe? Jesus!
  7. Yes it works. All of it works. The law of Attraction works. Miracles exist. Everything I have learned and will continue to learn about the universe , works, always, anywhere in this world.

Where Are You At, Vibration-ally?

WHO IS IN OUR LIFE? DO WE LIKE THEM? WHAT ATTRACTS THE RELATIONSHIPS WE HAVE WITH OTHERS?WHY DO WE MEET CERTAIN PEOPLE AND NOT OTHERS?

The answer is us. Who we are attracts who we meet.

Is it all right or not? Of course not. I mean we want to believe we are victims. We all would rather have someone to point the finger at for all the cheating, lying and destructive relationships we have gone through. Don’t we?

Love is real and it exists. That image you have in your mind of your ideal boyfriend, or spouse, exists because he exists… somewhere, in this universe. Problem is, where are you energetically? What vibes do you project from your being? Are your core self-beliefs in check? Do you love yourself? Do you have boundaries? Or are you struggling with low self-esteem, crippling sense of self-worth and self-loathing? If the vibration you send into the world is that of hate, for yourself or those around you, what do you expect you will see? If you continue being controlling and nasty to everyone around you, what type of partner will you likely attract? If you carry around with you, memories of betrayal, feelings of inadequacy and past hurts, what version of a partner are you creating with your energy?

Can I tell you a secret? I have not shared this with anyone else. What if I told you, who you are, is who you get? Where you are at in your soul, your ego, your passion, is what your partner will be? Now I know it is not natural to accept that we are culpable.We would like to say we were the good ones and they were the bad guy. This is why we are being told, we don’t only create from our conscious awareness, but we are mostly creating from the parts of ourselves we have not become aware of yet. Our subconscious and unconscious behavior, thought patterns and other hidden stuff we have not yet seen about ourselves, are running this show we call our life.

Enough about what hides beneath the surface… Let us please take a look at how the universe works. The universe senses those things we don’t see about us and responds to them. The circumstances we see are the result of what we can’t see unless we probe and question and observe our patterns of behavior. The universe will not look at your smiling face and send you more reasons to smile, it will look at your energy and if it is a happy one, consistently happy one, you will see the change in the people you meet and in your circumstances. It is little about what we do, and more about what we feel that decides whether we get to have a good day or an awful one.

What you also need to understand is the person you want is there, but the key that unlocks the door to let them into your life, requires you to level up so you can be an energetic match to the person you dream about. In short, simple words, be the person you want to meet, love and commit to. Do you think you would love you and choose to spend the rest of your life with you? If the answer is no, what can you do to change that?

I will give you my own example, I met a guy who was the best, I was convinced he was the one, only to be hurt miserably. The red flags were all over the place from the first meeting, but I thought it was all in my head because everyone else admired how charming, generous and loving he was. I thought I was overthinking. Now, I think about all the times I enabled him. He was a selfish narcissist, who had low self-worth, despite all the admiration he was getting from others. And I was the girl with daddy issues, mommy issues, issues-issues, think of every case of low self-esteem, self-criticizing, self-neglecting kind of scenarios, I was all of that. He thrived in my pain. Played games with my mind. What was worse, was that every time I tried to forget him, he would come right back, win me with a big gesture of affection, then ghost me for the next two or three months. I could not move on. He lied and deceived and sorry was a word that never sounded from his mouth in the multiple times he lied and hurt me. In fact, he manipulated me to say sorry to him, how do you say sorry to someone who should apologize to you? Miraculously, I started loving myself, prioritizing myself, and leveled up so fast and so sudden, that it threw him off. He slowly started fading away from my mind, my heart, and my experience. Where focus goes, energy flows, because I started to focus on what I love and how I feel, the energy he was siphoning from me, like a vampire, was restored to this rightful owner. Now, I see through him like glass, and I wish I had begun the journey of self-love earlier on in my life, I would not even have met him. Do you get what I am saying? Be aware of the frequency you broadcast, because it will respond. Love yourself, and everything you hate will disappear automatically, while everything you love will start to appear in your life, that is the law of the universe.

Believe It or Not, When You Ask, It Is Given

It was just a normal day at home. The flourescent light bulb burnt in my living room and I needed to replace it. It was at night and I could not stay dark so I sent a kid to the shop to buy one. Which shop? Had absolutely no idea. I waited and waited for what seemed like a year and when the kid showed up, he had empty hands and a frustrated look of hopelessness as he complained that he went to over 5 places and every time he was sent away because somehow, tonight, I really needed them, the whole world would suddenly not sell them! I bet even the light bulb factories would break down on the day I needed them. That was my level of disappointment.

Angry at all the shops in the world which would sell everything except what I was looking for at the moment,I stormed off, without any specific destination in mind, as I muttered under my breath, “Please take me to the shop that sells a flourescent light bulb.” I walked. It felt as if my whole body just walked by itself, my will aside. I tried the first shop, the guy said he does not sell them. Just as I was about to leave, cursing in my mind “of course you don’t”, something interesting happened. A guy was sitting by the shop and heard me ask for the bulb, he said, “I know where you can get one.” I almost hugged him. He told me in detail. I left ,a little hopeful,as I set out to find the shop he described. And I bought the bulb. In fact there were so many bulbs if I needed 10 I was still going to get them.

Do you get what I am saying?

I asked something or someone or nothing to get me to what I wanted. And whatever it was listened and answered through the guy who gave me directions. This means that my going to that specific shop was not an accident either, because it took me to pass by that shop in order for the guy to tell me where to find the bulb.

Here is the thing, my simple will could not get me what I wanted. I could have gone to a hundred shops that night based on my determination and will alone, and would still have come back home empty handed. But the moment I surrendered and asked “Please take me to…” I no longer had any control and whatever or whoever it was who took over delivered. Need I say more?

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