A Time For Everything

Dear Reader, I know I have been quiet, maybe, too quiet. But like everything else, my silence has a reason. You could say I have done the most healing and self-care in silence than any other time. Let me update you on what Has happened this past few weeks.

I have found Jesus in my struggles. Yes on several occasions I found myself calling him to come save me. And perhaps you could say he actually did, or IS doing right now. The universe in some mysterious way arranged for me to see a doctor for my mental health. He talks and I listen. I tell him about all the things I could only say on this blog before. Now, I see this as a huge step in my life since before now, I could only suffer alone, without anyone’s guidance or direction. And OH, HAVE I SUFFERED! You guys stand witness.

On the downside, seeing a doctor means that I am too sleepy to write. Sometimes I felt my mind numb and so I let it. These days, I am slowly finding my voice again. I hope this post is a testament to the fact that indeed nobody will help us if we don’t decide for ourselves to get the help we so desperately need and must have. I don’t know what the future holds but I am at peace with the fact that self-care and healing is finally a top priority in my life as of this moment. Like in the Bible, in Ecclesiastes 3 when it was said: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Now is my time to heal!

I didn’t Pay for My Sleep This Week

It is 4 in the morning and I tried very hard to get an hour of sleep. In fact, this whole week I have struggled with getting any sleep but instead found myself watching Netflix or stuck in the dimension of You Tube Shorts for hours on end. Oh yes! This feels familiar: it is time for another one of my depressive episodes. How long is this gonna last? God knows, or the devil, Idk!

Looks like I didn’t pay for my sleep this past two weeks. OMG, it has already been that long. The thing about depression is that you can easily lose track of time, or your life! How else would you not if you slept only when it was day time and stayed up like the vampire that you are all through the night? Unless the whole world starts shifting working hours to after dusk and schools open at night time, life will pass you by whilst in this state. I just hope God will fight for me and with me this time. I hope whatever this is, God will stand by me and see me through. I let God do what only he can do!

My Journey Towards Compassion: For others and myself

Dear reader, I dare say that the main reason we are here, in a world which resembles hell more than anything else because of the appalling suffering that goes on, is so we can be more compassionate. Like Jesus said, “To love and nothing else”. He knew what he was talking about. We just didn’t listen, as Hans Wilhem so masterfully puts it.

Interestingly, we are in a world system which focuses on capitalism as the drive behind all our actions and goals: Me first, you later. Every man for himself, and God for us all is such a paradox because we forget to realize that God is all of us. If we want God to be for us we need to be of service to others. Hans explained that service is the epitome of love. That we cannot learn to love if we focus on our individual needs and wants and prioritizing them each time without regard for the wellbeing of others. In fact, I would go as far as to claim that nobody could be happy if they chose to ignore the suffering of his brother or sister, which we all are to one another. God didn’t intend for us to separate from the whole. He made us so we would live for one another. If we cannot learn this fundamental truth, we might find ourselves suffering until the end of times, God forbid, until we learn to give to others our love and attention without expecting anything in return.

You know how sometimes we get bitter because things are not happening for us? You know how for example, you would look at your blog and notice not a single person reacted to what you had to say? When this happens, which is more often than I can count, the first thing that comes to my mind is a question: When was the last time I read and reacted to what someone else had to say? I have followed some blogs here on WordPress and those people have just as much important things to talk about as I think I have and they deserve likes too. I immediately go on the Reader and read some of the posts there. I would like and react just the same way I would wish someone to do the same for me. In other words, if you are the first to give, you shouldn’t worry about not receiving. It is guaranteed that you will receive what you give.

And this takes me to my final point, which is perhaps the main reason I got up this morning to write. You and I will always get what we give. I don’t mean to be harsh but even God cannot intervene where this principle applies. If you caused someone pain, you would wish to be forgiven and perhaps you would be but you won’t die before you experience the same pain you caused. You could pray a hundred times and be a saint but you must face the same energy you put out. I am saying this because it happened to me and for me many times than I can recall. Every time someone hurt me I would notice them get hurt the same way. Sometimes it would be soon, others would take longer. In the same manner, I get paid back every time I hurt someone by experiencing the same pain, except that it would be even more painful to me because I would have forgotten why this is happening to me. I would feel like the justified victim until the moment I realized I brought this upon myself and no, God is not going to do anything to make it go away. I just need to do nothing and just let the Karma play itself out. It is the harshest truth but truth nevertheless! Which brings me to the conclusion of this point: It is Karma that reminds us to stay compassionate and considerate of other people’s wellbeing. It is not going to be always about me, in fact, my whole life could be about service to others first and foremost, which is why we cannot pass up on caring for others just as much as we would care for ourselves, if not more.

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