The Grass is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

I had many reasons to stay unhappy. I am lonely one hundred percent of the time, my relationship status is the famous, “it is complicated”, I am just realizing I suffer from depression and I am too sad to clap for anyone who dares to celebrate anything around this time. I have known in my heart that I could be happier if only I had that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful home, that healthy family, that healthy mindset, that amazing life which has done nothing but remained pathetic and useless stickers on my vision board. If only I could live my dream life, with my dream someone. If only I did not suffer from depression but was healthy and fit. If only I got married earlier instead of choosing to remain a lonely and sad cat lady forever. If only I had done what I loved everyday instead of forcing myself to do anything else. If only…

It is always tempting to think the grass is greener on the other side of the misery we have called our life. It is easy to leave and give up what we are not satisfied with and go after what we think could become our source of happiness. Little do we know that we are where we are with what or who we are stuck with for a reason. That reason could simply be the fact that we need to transform into what we want to have. It could be that we are unhappy because we refuse to change our paradigms. The moment we change how we look at the world, it will change in tandem. Such a simple law, why is it so hard to follow?

I remember how my life used to suck big time. And now that I am here, I realize most, if not all of my pain was caused by my perception of people and things. It was me who hurt me more than anyone else. It was my view of money, relationships, family, home, school and people in general which tormented me. All the while my finger was pointed at that boyfriend who betrayed me, that parent who did not try to get close to me, that neighbour who was spiteful, God who was uncaring and unfair, that family dysfunction, my broken home, my lonely life, my foolish mistakes, money which was not enough and on and on the list went. My life sucked and it was everyone’s fault. And then, there were the Why Me? moments. Why did I not have a healthy family which could support me and be there for me? Why did I have to be born into a family with a history of mental illness? Why did my father have to live far away from me? Why am I a secret child? Why can’t I meet my step sisters and brothers across the world? Why did I choose law and not english literature or creative writing, which are both things I love? Why am I in a complicated relationship when I should be happily married to the man of my dreams? Why me God?Why?

I have to say, the biggest changes happen in the subtlest of ways. I have been transforming big time. Even with so many dreams still out of reach for me at the moment, even as my stubborn reality still mocks me, I have not remained the same. Little by little, one day at a time, I have made progress on my personality, attitude and behavior. For example, my old self would have a hard time communicating how they felt with others. Nowadays, I feel urged by a little inner voice to speak up. Say how you feel, it nudges. And I comply despite my unwillingness, only to feel so happy afterwards, as if a load has been lifted off of my aching, drooping shoulders; shoulders which have carried so much resentment, unspoken feelings, guilt, past hurts, fears, anger, bitterness and shame.

For this reason, I believe that we can only be happy if we change how we see the world around us. There is not going to be any other place, person or thing outside there which could make us fulfilled if we remain the way we are right now. It is important to change and prepare ourselves for our dream person and life. It starts here, inside us, and if that is a happy place, then everywhere else will be too.

The Reason We Are Where We Are With Those We Are With

I am sure the universe is vast and nobody has been able to grasp all of it in one message, not even Abraham Hicks. For this reason, I am not going to declare that the truth I am about to submit in the coming sentences, is the ultimate truth of the entire universe, but rather, it is indeed the truth I have arrived at based on my experience in my own universe.

Firstly. I would like for us to be on the same page about one thing: There are no accidents; the people we meet as well as the situations we find ourselves in, have all been orchestrated for us to teach us, to humble us, to reinforce our strengths and purpose, and mostly to grow us.

Secondly, CHOICE or personal choice in this matter, is really not one of those black and white kind-of-things like there is oxygen, and then there is carbon dioxide, and neither of them can be either, or in any way similar to each other, on the contrary, look at our will to choose the things we want in life as to be something that falls in the grey lines. What I am trying to say is, we have not been robbed off of this ability to choose what we want, but at the same time we cannot give ourselves credit for most things that we ended up finding ourselves in, which have nothing to do with what we wanted to be part of our experience in the first place. In other words, we might think we had a choice in most of our life’s circumstances, but the truth appears to be, there is a whole big picture that we missed to see, and it turns out, the person, or thing, or universe, or whoever it is who knew better, orchestrated our hand to choose that thing we thought we wanted thinking it was based on our own choice, because in the long run, it is what is good for us or rather, what we need at that particular moment. Am I making any sense? I am trying here.

Now that we are reading from the same book, I would like to say that it seems to me as if all of us, have codes or rather, colors. It is as though we all put out a frequency of the things we need or the lessons we must go through, and those frequencies call out the people or situations, within our proximity( or from the entire world/universe God knows), towards us. These situations and people are an exact match to what we need to learn in order to grow. So let us say for example, that Elizabeth has a weakness of spending too much money and cannot save for a rainy day, her frequency will light up a color or vibration to which a soul nearby or in some cases, far away, will pick the vibration. Now, what is most interesting, is the fact that the one who picks the vibration, normally has to learn the exact opposite of what he has to teach Elizabeth. In this case, whereas, Elizabeth spends too much money, the guy who picks the vibration, Mohammed, will likely be someone who fears not having enough money in future, and saves every penny, spending money only on absolute necessities to stay alive. Haha! That was extreme, but you get my idea. Similarly, if Fatma is always too serious with life and keeps to herself, she is likely to attract a person who is outgoing and has not been serious a day in his life!

Now I am not saying that this applies only to people, you can attract a workplace, a home, a country, or any other situation which has something to teach you and is best suited to your needs-spiritual, soul needs- in that specific moment, which later, you will realize will turn out to be an important and transformative period of your life.

So I advise myself and others, to always surrender to where you are right now. You might hate it, you might fight it, you might think you could be better somewhere else, with someone else, but if you could just entertain the thought that what if, perhaps, you are where you need to be right now? What if perhaps, by running away from that which discomforts you, you are only postponing the lesson to be retaken another day, with someone else, somewhere else(which will not be easier or kinder this time around than the first)? That is why, it is less advised to run away from our problems, because they are there for a reason. Imagine if we went to school and decided we were not going to take any assessment, no exams, never! Would we be here right now? Would I be able to communicate with you in English, which is not my mother tongue?(Just saying).

It would serve our best interests to be fast learners so we can move on to the next stage and the next after that. The secret to this, is not to resist or escape, but to quickly identify what the situation is trying to teach you and master the lesson. I guarantee you, once successfully learned, that nasty situation or person who has been a thorn in your neck for what seemed like forever, will automatically, energetically, exit your conscious awareness or experience, and your new-found stronger, wiser, more self-loving self, will be somewhere else, enjoying and attracting situations and people, better suited to your new self. I am not saying you will no longer find any challenging people or situations, but they will not be the same old ones because those have served their purpose and have thus exited your experience and are no longer applying. In the case someone misses the lesson, well we all know know what happens in college when we fail a unit. We retake it. It inconveniences us because we now have to take on extra work and we cannot fail a retake, unless we are certified perpetual re-takers licensed by the World Association of Chronic Re-takers of Tests! In my opinion, this explains why we find ourselves going through the same toxic relationships, or people, over and over again. To break the cycle, the lesson must be learned and applied.

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