Would You have agreed to come Had you known…

Would you have agreed to come live the life you have been living had you known before hand how it was going to be?

I don’t feel like I should add anything more to the earth-shuttering, enlightening and eye-opening question above. It is the most powerful question you could ask yourself. Would you have come had you known the kind of hardships and trials you would face?Do you think you could come back and relive the same hell over again without hesitation?

Sometimes, I question the point of life. Why are we here in the first place if we just struggle, grow old and die? Then there is the question we have all been wondering, where do good people go when they die? You know, the ministers and the authors of self-help books and mentors who dedicated their entire lives to teach, guide and help us live better lives. Bob Proctor, who couldn’t have hurt a fly left. Dr. Wayne Dyer who swore there is meaning and purpose to our life, left. All these amazing gurus who you would think God or the universe would keep them longer than the serial rapist who is paying time, or that murderess who is convicted for drowning her own toddlers for obvious reasons: we need more people like Bob and Wayne and less like Elize Matsunaga or Westerfield. But no, they are very much alive and breathing through their nostrils very much the same as they had when they were born. It is for this very reason that I find myself wondering whether this place we know as Earth is actually where good people are sent and are supposed to stay long at. On a deeper note, I am having a hard time believing that I don’t deserve to be in this hell if that is what this is, where bad people are sent to be tested and tried and cleansed from their evilness through pain and suffering, disease and dread, because I think I just massacred a whole community of ants who were in the rice cooker by turning it on. Does this mean, every time I wipe the ants away with a mop, because they are overtaking the little space I have and being a nuisance, that I am one of the hell dwellers and that’s why I am stuck here, suffering with the rest of you?( I mean no offense)

Apart from gurus taking the fastest train outta this place, think about the wars, pandemic, violence and mass confusion presently coloring the world today. Now ask yourself, if this place really was it, you know that destination we all want and the nirvana our hearts seek, would such awful stuff exist? Even more interesting is the fact that nobody can claim they came to this place without having suffered in some form or another. Now which place is described in religions as painful, dark, confusing, hot and full of suffering if not hell? What if I suppose that hell is right here- just masterfully disguised by someone who loves dark humor? What if all the gurus and Jesus and Mohammed all came here from a higher place to help hell dwellers on their path to restoration and redemption? What if all these good people who leave early have successfully completed their mission and have now departed this horrid,dying place never to return?

The dense dimension

If you try to pray, you will notice it takes time to manifest your prayers in this 3 dimensional realm. Why do you think that is? I have a theory: I think it is because we are somewhere dense and heavy, possibly under ground, cast away in such manner that it would take a serious effort on anyone of us to raise our vibration to such heights that would match even a little bit, the superior vibration of what we desire- peace, prosperity and happiness- all feelings characterized by heavenly energies of purity, love and light- which obviously are harder and harder to come by in this realm which is immersed in suffering, wars, disease and depression. There is a stark mismatch between these two levels of energy which cannot go unnoticed. It is as if you are stuck in a dark hole 7000 feet deep and are asking if you could have a walk on the beach, or you’re a plankton fifty thousand kilometres deep in the Atlantic ocean and have been all your life, and you pray every day to know what it feels like to ride a plane. How could that be possible? You get what I am trying to say? When I pray for something that never comes, I feel like that plankton and for good reason because that is how far under it feels like we are from heaven.

What I would give to ask the late John Osteen, Dr. Wayne and all others one question: “Where are you now? And is where you are better than here? And if that is the case, then where is here and what did we do to deserve to be sent to this place?”

The Foreboding Darkness; A reflection of our dark nights of the Soul

I am lying on my bed with a phone in my hands. The lights are out and I am inspired to write about the darkness which we normally find ourselves stuck in, in the course of our lives.

I have been through my fair share of dark nights of the soul. Put simply, a dark night of the soul is when you cannot see a way out of your miserable situation. It is when you feel like a victim of circumstances. People and places hurt you. You feel lost and incapable of pulling yourself out of the rut. It is when negativity has made its home in your mind. Smiling is painful and detestable. You wish the pain in your heart will go away. You don’t see the light at the end of anywhere and you gave up on God a long time ago and perhaps blame him for your current state, if you still believe he exists.

I think the biggest tell-tale sign of a dark night of the soul is that whoever is going through one, looks out for anything which will help them cope. They will overeat, overdrink, use and abuse drugs if that helps and binge watch TV to blindness. Those with previous obsessions or addictions, relapse during this time and they lose themselves to whatever that is which makes them escape from their current, pain-filled, hopeless and distraught reality. During this time, ironically, when we need God the most, it is when we alienate Him and stay as far away as we can from any mention of a holy scripture, graceful words or prayer.

So right now, as I gaze into the darkness looming over my room, I cannot help but feel a sense of familiarity with that black nothingness, which sends chills down my spine and makes me get goose bumps. I think it is my body’s way of recoiling from the horrific memories of my past. It is as if my eyes are staring into the shapeless, formless shade of blackness, scared to see my old self somewhere in there; crying sleepless into the night, not having anything work out, breaking down and under, feeling abandoned and alone and not seeing any flicker of hope. In this mirror of misery, it is as if my eyes are looking into the lives of everyone who is still stuck inside this forlorn abode, with no way out. It is as if my eyes are affirming to me, who is now standing in the circle of light radiating from my flashlight, You got out! You survived!Others are still stuck there. Others are not so lucky!

Therefore, whenever I raise my hands to pray, I tell God I am not praying just for myself, but for those who cannot pray for themselves. I tell him, God I am praying for those who are stuck in the pits of darkness. Fighting colossal monsters of depression,hopelessness,self-harm,drug abuse, helplessness,illness, victimization and isolation.Just like me, who got out perhaps because someone had remembered to pray for me, today I pray for them, in hopes that my prayer may bring light into someone’s life and save them from the darkness and into the light. God, stand by those who have lost hope in life, those who cry alone in the dark of the night, wondering if anyone cares, if anyone hears their cries for deliverance from the storms of their life. God please expand their chests and lift the burdens off of their shoulders and call them to you. Show them what you have shown me, the joy and peace that can be found in your warm and loving embrace. Amin

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