A Life Of Service

I think God intended for us to help many people. He does not want us to succeed for ourselves or be satisfied with selfish accomplishments which have only been benefitting us as individuals. I think life purpose or mission in anyone’s life is about what they can do to make other people’s life better with the skills or talents they have been blessed with in this life.

Talent, skills, wealth and health are outright blessings. However, did you know that the challenges, traumas, illnesses, disabilities and every storm we have faced in life are also gifts which we can use to help others who are going through the same? This is what made me open my eyes today. Not everyone who has been tested with what you were was able to make it to where you are. In my case, I have known many families with the same background and challenges as mine whose situation is worse and many youths from those families who were tested like me, but unlike me, have no way out and are trapped in drugs and dropped out of school. How could I not be blessed after seeing how far I have come despite all the odds which were way bigger than me and which threatened to destroy me? If the same odds succeeded to destroy someone else’s life in what seems like irreparable ruin, am I then not blessed?

For this blessing, should I not then feel a sense of purpose to help others who have walked my path of trials and make life better for them? Shouldn’t I set out to make sure I use my skills, talents and experience to make someone’s life better? I don’t have any money to start any big venture but I know I don’t have to wait to get the money I need, when I can start doing something, anything to impact someone’s life. Even if it is just my words of support and encouragement, even if it is just the fact that I made it this far, so can you, who is suffering and fighting against overwhelming giants!

Now that I have figured out this life-changing fact, the next question is what action can I take? What is the next thing I need to do? Where do I start? Who is my audience? Which method can I use to get the ball rolling? Is it by going to local primary and secondary schools and volunteering myself to counsel and guide them? Is it by visiting hospitals and volunteering to pray for the sick? Is it by cleaning the dirty streets in my village? What can I do to help people? Can someone please tell me?

I know it in my heart that God is calling me to action. It is so urgent that I cannot stop feeling this urge nowadays; the urge to do something not for myself, but for random people. Just the other day, I noticed the amount of trash which collected outside and around my home and neighborhood. Immediately, I felt I needed to step out and sweep it all clean by myself, which I did. In that moment, I felt so fulfilled. While I was sweeping, a lady passed by and prayed for me. That felt good. Then sometime later, a kid I begged to come help me load the trash into a sack, happily complied and we were able to finish in a matter of minutes. See? That wasn’t so bad! What I needed was only a broom and a sack. I didn’t need to buy anything, even the sack was given to me by my neighbor. That simple, selfless act of cleaning around the house, which also meant I was cleaning my neighbors’ houses as well since we all live close together, made me realize life is all about the good of the many and the selfless acts we do for others. I will go as far as to say, that if you want to experience joy and fulfillment, or to be cured of depression, go out of your way to do something that won’t be just about you; help as much as you can and start living for the community and not for yourself only.

The Grass is Not Always Greener on the Other Side

I had many reasons to stay unhappy. I am lonely one hundred percent of the time, my relationship status is the famous, “it is complicated”, I am just realizing I suffer from depression and I am too sad to clap for anyone who dares to celebrate anything around this time. I have known in my heart that I could be happier if only I had that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful home, that healthy family, that healthy mindset, that amazing life which has done nothing but remained pathetic and useless stickers on my vision board. If only I could live my dream life, with my dream someone. If only I did not suffer from depression but was healthy and fit. If only I got married earlier instead of choosing to remain a lonely and sad cat lady forever. If only I had done what I loved everyday instead of forcing myself to do anything else. If only…

It is always tempting to think the grass is greener on the other side of the misery we have called our life. It is easy to leave and give up what we are not satisfied with and go after what we think could become our source of happiness. Little do we know that we are where we are with what or who we are stuck with for a reason. That reason could simply be the fact that we need to transform into what we want to have. It could be that we are unhappy because we refuse to change our paradigms. The moment we change how we look at the world, it will change in tandem. Such a simple law, why is it so hard to follow?

I remember how my life used to suck big time. And now that I am here, I realize most, if not all of my pain was caused by my perception of people and things. It was me who hurt me more than anyone else. It was my view of money, relationships, family, home, school and people in general which tormented me. All the while my finger was pointed at that boyfriend who betrayed me, that parent who did not try to get close to me, that neighbour who was spiteful, God who was uncaring and unfair, that family dysfunction, my broken home, my lonely life, my foolish mistakes, money which was not enough and on and on the list went. My life sucked and it was everyone’s fault. And then, there were the Why Me? moments. Why did I not have a healthy family which could support me and be there for me? Why did I have to be born into a family with a history of mental illness? Why did my father have to live far away from me? Why am I a secret child? Why can’t I meet my step sisters and brothers across the world? Why did I choose law and not english literature or creative writing, which are both things I love? Why am I in a complicated relationship when I should be happily married to the man of my dreams? Why me God?Why?

I have to say, the biggest changes happen in the subtlest of ways. I have been transforming big time. Even with so many dreams still out of reach for me at the moment, even as my stubborn reality still mocks me, I have not remained the same. Little by little, one day at a time, I have made progress on my personality, attitude and behavior. For example, my old self would have a hard time communicating how they felt with others. Nowadays, I feel urged by a little inner voice to speak up. Say how you feel, it nudges. And I comply despite my unwillingness, only to feel so happy afterwards, as if a load has been lifted off of my aching, drooping shoulders; shoulders which have carried so much resentment, unspoken feelings, guilt, past hurts, fears, anger, bitterness and shame.

For this reason, I believe that we can only be happy if we change how we see the world around us. There is not going to be any other place, person or thing outside there which could make us fulfilled if we remain the way we are right now. It is important to change and prepare ourselves for our dream person and life. It starts here, inside us, and if that is a happy place, then everywhere else will be too.

I had a Big Realization Today

I know I rant about this and that sometimes(bear with me please), that is because, apart from my passion for writing which drove me to create this website over 3 years ago, another reason I put up my site at WordPress.com was simply to have a platform for venting. Can you relate? Perhaps, I should have know then that this website was going to be my diary, where I scribble this and that of every day of my life.

Yesterday after meeting with several frustrations, I came to my diary to vent. If you read yesterday’s post, you will see how confused and a little biased, (a lot biased, I mean, I really believed there are no good human beings left in this world)I was, about how hard human me vs. other humans who-are-not-me interactions can be. What stood out to me today however, was an enlightenment that perhaps, will solve my personal conundrum about relationships.

Continue reading “I had a Big Realization Today”

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