Pure Joy

Dearest readers I am back again, with an inspiring quote from the Bible. I am sorry I call them quotes but I don’t know how else to refer to them being that I barely know anything about the book. Anyway, the quote I am talking about is found in James 2-10:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 2-7

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance

James 2-3

This statement is so powerful. In fact, right now, I needed so much to hear this. Life gets hard, we get flustered and confused. Not only that, but also we become forgetful of all those motivational books we have read and all the odds we have faced before and successfully conquered. Satan, or whoever it is, plants seeds of doubt in our minds and instead of gravitating toward God we pull back and away from Him during our darkest hour. So when in James the Bible read, “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds,” my heart clicks and the ever-fleeting hope comes back to my heart. It is not all doom and gloom. Somebody went through the same hardships and felt just as hopeless many, many years ago. This means that there is a purpose for our suffering and that is wisdom and maturity.

Another powerful addition to the statement reads: “Let Perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” This means that we DON’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING during our darkest hour. We just need to trust in the process and let go of trying to control our circumstances or escape from our hardships. Those trials we go through serve a higher purpose we may not know about. Our job is to stick it out to the end without giving up or losing faith.

And finally, after all our troubles, we are told, God gives generously without finding fault which to me means that If we truly believe and trust in God in our tough times, if we fight the temptation to lose faith in Him, he will reward us and compensate us. On condition that we BELIEVE we already have what we asked for. This is the climax in that movie when Cinderella gets everything she dreamed of and way more than she could imagine was possible. It sounds easy but it is the hardest part. It is not easy to believe when you are not seeing any improvement. It is even more difficult to wait and hope when the circumstances only continue to get worse and worse. But if we can believe without doubt that God is still with us and for us in the darkest valleys on which we walk, we shall have no fear because our prosperity is guaranteed!

PARADISE

I can feel the wind on my sleep-deprived face almost kissing the dark circles under my eyes away. The hypnotic whispering talking trees behind me bob, dance and sway in the unrelenting and purposeful July wind.

As I lay my beat bottom surrendering to the damp and cool sand on this lazy morning beach, I feel ever so alive as nature does what it does best- giving me a restful and loving embrace, totally erasing all my troubles from my life.

Tommy- my soulmate.

In front of me, tiny crabs are doing what looks like sand-gliding across the sand. Some are curiously peeping out of their holes, some busy digging out the sand from their tiny cylindrical tunnels they lovingly cherish as their home. For the most part, they seem unfazed by my intrusive, yet peaceful presence as if I was a blob of sand, one with the beach. It is as if they have known me forever. One particular crab, Tommy, seems to have taken a keen interest in this stranger and won’t stop staring. That, or he is frozen motionless because of the intense chemistry we share.

My ears are drawn to the persistent sound of waves in the background. Oh yes, how could you miss such a lovely serenade just for me? They are particularly melodious today as they pour out their heart to me. Just then, a boat with curious onlookers passes before me. I could tell from their stunned expressions they were wearing that they must have wondered what a woman clad in veil is doing sitting on a beach in the early hours of the morning. To them I was a puzzle they couldn’t figure out. Especially when they see me focusing my gaze past them into the horizon, as if I was seeing something they weren’t. As if in a daze, stopping only to scribble something on a tiny piece of paper with my pen. To them, this was just one of the days of the week. To me, this very moment, sitting amongst the sea breeze, the waves and the trees is magical.

A boatful of fans

Once the boat went out of sight, I catch a glimpse of the sun as it takes its time to wake up for the day. Thick creamy blobs of clouds are covering it but even they couldn’t stop some of its radiant rays from escaping through the cracks. And how wonderful those rays were! They shined through the clouds determined to kiss the sea below them. A satisfied sigh came from my lips as I took in this precious moment, “This right here, is paradise!”.

I didn’t Pay for My Sleep This Week

It is 4 in the morning and I tried very hard to get an hour of sleep. In fact, this whole week I have struggled with getting any sleep but instead found myself watching Netflix or stuck in the dimension of You Tube Shorts for hours on end. Oh yes! This feels familiar: it is time for another one of my depressive episodes. How long is this gonna last? God knows, or the devil, Idk!

Looks like I didn’t pay for my sleep this past two weeks. OMG, it has already been that long. The thing about depression is that you can easily lose track of time, or your life! How else would you not if you slept only when it was day time and stayed up like the vampire that you are all through the night? Unless the whole world starts shifting working hours to after dusk and schools open at night time, life will pass you by whilst in this state. I just hope God will fight for me and with me this time. I hope whatever this is, God will stand by me and see me through. I let God do what only he can do!

My Maker

There is some part of us that always wants to worry. It is a nasty default setting that centuries of survival have put in us. Somehow we decided that things cannot happen just naturally without our control or actions, but that is hardly the truth. The truth is that if we are honest about our life and how far we have come, most of the things which happened in our favor had nothing to do with our input or direction. Mostly because we didn’t even anticipate or foresee them, they just happened.

Why is it then so hard for us to trust in this same flow of our life, this invisible force which ensures all we need is effortlessly made available to us through unexpected means?

Take for example children, we all were helpless once and we could have died of starvation or exposure but somehow we didn’t. It wasn’t because we got jobs when we were two years old and paid rent and strived to afford milk and baby food to survive, but regardless, we survived. So, my question is who was it that provided for us then, and how is it possible that they would stop caring for us now? You can’t tell me it was parents by virtue that they were parents, because I have heard of several parents who would up and leave their children to starve or throw them in a trash bin, or torture and kill them. So, no it had to be someone else. This person put love in our parents, and if they didn’t love us enough to care, he inspired someone else to be there for us. This person couldn’t leave us then, therefore, he can’t leave us now or never will. Can we learn to trust in this invisible force which loves us and takes care of our needs? Can we surrender to this force and let go of control? Can we release our worries and fears about tomorrow, what we will eat or drink?

Would You have agreed to come Had you known…

Would you have agreed to come live the life you have been living had you known before hand how it was going to be?

I don’t feel like I should add anything more to the earth-shuttering, enlightening and eye-opening question above. It is the most powerful question you could ask yourself. Would you have come had you known the kind of hardships and trials you would face?Do you think you could come back and relive the same hell over again without hesitation?

Sometimes, I question the point of life. Why are we here in the first place if we just struggle, grow old and die? Then there is the question we have all been wondering, where do good people go when they die? You know, the ministers and the authors of self-help books and mentors who dedicated their entire lives to teach, guide and help us live better lives. Bob Proctor, who couldn’t have hurt a fly left. Dr. Wayne Dyer who swore there is meaning and purpose to our life, left. All these amazing gurus who you would think God or the universe would keep them longer than the serial rapist who is paying time, or that murderess who is convicted for drowning her own toddlers for obvious reasons: we need more people like Bob and Wayne and less like Elize Matsunaga or Westerfield. But no, they are very much alive and breathing through their nostrils very much the same as they had when they were born. It is for this very reason that I find myself wondering whether this place we know as Earth is actually where good people are sent and are supposed to stay long at. On a deeper note, I am having a hard time believing that I don’t deserve to be in this hell if that is what this is, where bad people are sent to be tested and tried and cleansed from their evilness through pain and suffering, disease and dread, because I think I just massacred a whole community of ants who were in the rice cooker by turning it on. Does this mean, every time I wipe the ants away with a mop, because they are overtaking the little space I have and being a nuisance, that I am one of the hell dwellers and that’s why I am stuck here, suffering with the rest of you?( I mean no offense)

Apart from gurus taking the fastest train outta this place, think about the wars, pandemic, violence and mass confusion presently coloring the world today. Now ask yourself, if this place really was it, you know that destination we all want and the nirvana our hearts seek, would such awful stuff exist? Even more interesting is the fact that nobody can claim they came to this place without having suffered in some form or another. Now which place is described in religions as painful, dark, confusing, hot and full of suffering if not hell? What if I suppose that hell is right here- just masterfully disguised by someone who loves dark humor? What if all the gurus and Jesus and Mohammed all came here from a higher place to help hell dwellers on their path to restoration and redemption? What if all these good people who leave early have successfully completed their mission and have now departed this horrid,dying place never to return?

The dense dimension

If you try to pray, you will notice it takes time to manifest your prayers in this 3 dimensional realm. Why do you think that is? I have a theory: I think it is because we are somewhere dense and heavy, possibly under ground, cast away in such manner that it would take a serious effort on anyone of us to raise our vibration to such heights that would match even a little bit, the superior vibration of what we desire- peace, prosperity and happiness- all feelings characterized by heavenly energies of purity, love and light- which obviously are harder and harder to come by in this realm which is immersed in suffering, wars, disease and depression. There is a stark mismatch between these two levels of energy which cannot go unnoticed. It is as if you are stuck in a dark hole 7000 feet deep and are asking if you could have a walk on the beach, or you’re a plankton fifty thousand kilometres deep in the Atlantic ocean and have been all your life, and you pray every day to know what it feels like to ride a plane. How could that be possible? You get what I am trying to say? When I pray for something that never comes, I feel like that plankton and for good reason because that is how far under it feels like we are from heaven.

What I would give to ask the late John Osteen, Dr. Wayne and all others one question: “Where are you now? And is where you are better than here? And if that is the case, then where is here and what did we do to deserve to be sent to this place?”

Que Sera Sera

Today, right here, I will take an oath that I swear not to get worried about when and how something I want will happen. I swear that as long as I shall live, I shall focus on the present moment only and stop worrying about my future. I wish to just live in the here and now without a care in the world!

The happiest people on earth must be those who live each day at a time. Imagine how freeing it would be if we all just didn’t give a dime about tomorrow. Had we all been content with our todays and paused to enjoy them mindfully, I believe anxiety and depression would not exist.

However, so many of us have forgotten how to live in the present moment and instead ruin it by spending today worrying about tomorrow. On the other hand, if we spent so much time and energy worried, you would think that would change what was already meant to happen in our future but that is rarely the case. Seeing the state of unpredictable wars, pandemics and god knows what else happening all around the world, I am convinced that no amount of worrying or foresight would have prepared us for what was already destined to happen. The future is out of our hands and there is nothing we could do to change that fact! It would serve us well to know that as much as we plan and go about our lives as if everything is going to happen according to our wishes and desires so long as we put in the necessary effort and work hard because nothing is free, most of what is waiting for us is mostly unexpected and a surprise-good or bad will depend on how hard you prayed and whether or not God likes you(I am just joking with this one).

Prayer

They say if you pray hard enough, even if it takes ten years, you will get what you prayed for. However, nobody said how we were going to survive those years we spend waiting. In the same way, nobody said how we were supposed to bear seeing everyone around us receive quite so easily what would be the things we need most in life more than anyone else. It is frustrating to pray and not see anything change. It is even more depressing to wait on the Lord when you know he is an abundant God who, if he wills can make anything happen before we even have time to blink. In order to feel better we tell ourselves how God is protecting us from what we want that is why we don’t get it, but if he is the Omniscient and Omnipotent Almighty God, I am sure he could just as easily replace what was bad with better and give us that in the same amount of time it would take him to bring the sunrise tomorrow morning! So, the question is, why is God so slow in answering the prayers of his humans who need him the most? I don’t know but what I know is this: That no amount of relentless praying would ever change what God has decided. If it is just not the time for me and you to get married to our dream spouses and live in our dream homes, it is just not yet our time. Simple!

Way forward

Now that we have established the fact that it does not matter the amount of prayers you send up to the sky, what matters is whether your time to receive and enjoy what you desire has come or not, there is no reason to remain frustrated or worried because we don’t yet have what we want(or in extreme situations, what we absolutely must get to survive in which case we are screwed). Worrying will not speed up our timeline nor is it of any help to feel jealous over other people’s blessings which they seem to get without wanting or needing them. And Bam! Perhaps I have answered my own question. The very fact that we obsess over the stuff we want could be working against us by making those things take even longer to come. Maybe if we just let them go and said, “fluff off I don’t need you,” they will magically start chasing after us(I mean, it works with men).

Detachment from attachment

“Pray about it and let it go.” I must have heard this statement a thousand times. In retrospect, I must also have written a post before about why we shouldn’t pray for what we want. I thought I was wrong because praying is good and it never hurt anyone to ask God for a favor or two. Can it be perhaps, God does not want to be pestered about what we want all the time and instead he would much rather if we simply had faith that he already knew our desires and has been preparing them for us or rather, us for them.

It is crazy that God should take too long to create anything anyone wants no matter how big and impossible it seems, when he created the whole world and everything we know from nothing in just 6 days! I mean what I want is dust compared to the whole universe/s.

Therefore, I can’t help but feel, like it is all about when the time is right in God’s eyes and not our own. When he deems it is the right time for us to get married, so what if we are sixty? As long as in his eyes that is the right time, then so be it! Remember guys, we didn’t even get consulted about coming here to join this freak show we call life in the first place, so why would anyone ask us how we wish to live it? It seems a bit presumptuous of everyone to think they could live life on their terms when they couldn’t stop growing old and dying even if they worked hard all their life to avoid it. This life is like that gift you can’t return, because it would be impolite to do so and you can’t fully call your own either, because the person who gifted it to you wants you to use it based on their own terms and conditions. My advice: let us just enjoy whatever we get offered in life and call it a day, shall we? One day we will all die and what is eating our heads right now won’t even matter when we kick that dreaded bucket. Why bother? Let’s just live, que sera sera!

Wish wisely, Or better yet, Don’t wish at all!

Do you recall how frustrated I have been about married men who seem to be drawn to me everywhere I go, when all I want is to be in a normal relationship with a guy who is available and free? Well, I just realized why that may be the case. I remember a long time ago, the ignorant 13 year old me who did not know anything about love or dating, used to blurt out things like, ” How nice would it be to be the second wife to someone! You don’t have to cook for them on a daily basis or wash their clothes, you are pretty much only seeing them once in a while and you get to enjoy the rest of your time alone, doing pretty much everything you want freely without the responsibility of another person weighing on your shoulders.” For those who don’t know what I am talking about here, Muslims in our community are allowed to marry as many as four wives at one single time. While this is no picnic for the second, third and fourth wife, women still find themselves stuck in these multi-party relationships which don’t make them happy at all! So why in the hell would I be wishing for something like that? All I can say is, at the time, I didn’t know any better. However, the universe does not filter out anything you say and believe. With enough consistency of thought and belief, the universe will make sure you get what you say you want, eventually.

You can imagine my utter shock in finding out that I am the master mind behind my own heartbreaks from these overly complicated relationships where I was the infamous mistress. I am not proud of what I put myself through and perhaps this will be the best lesson of the new year for me. I need to start saying and wishing only wonderful things. I cannot emphasize the importance of self-prophecy in your life. Please be mindful of what you put out to the universe in terms of your thoughts, beliefs and wishes. They will definitely come true if not today, tomorrow when you have forgotten about them and have outgrown them. I have obviously outgrown most of what my ignorant young self used to believe back then, but that does not mean the universe will drastically make a prompt shift to accommodate my new set of beliefs. The universe is made up of chain reactions which have had years of input getting into shape. It takes just as much effort and time to unwind what you have built over time. So, I advise you and myself moving forward, let us only wish for things which serve our highest good. And like I say, sometimes the current us does not know what that is, so before we end up wishing for stuff which would bring us only misery in the future, let us surrender to the universe to bring to us what we desire or better than that. The universe knows and we don’t, mostly. So why not stop wishing and just generally pray that whatever situation we find ourselves in brings us happiness and fulfilment? Why don’t we just say to the universe, “I know good things are coming my way in this very moment. I surrender to you my desires of this and that(mention your wants and needs) but I know that you know what brings me joy and what will be for my highest good overall. Therefore, I trust that whatever you will bring my way will be for my highest good and nothing less than that. If anything I wish and pray to have is not good for me, I trust that you will protect me from getting it and instead send my way what is better for me. Thank you.”

And that my good people, is how we wish from now on!

Excuses Begone! How To Change Lifelong, Self- Defeating Thinking Habits by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer challenges all of us in his book Excuses Begone when he called our attention to the many excuses we have used to justify why we are choosing to remain stuck in unhappy, unfulfilled and miserable situations. excuses like: it is too difficult, I cannot afford it, there will be family drama, I am not smart enough among others have been our scapegoats to run away from taking responsibility for our own lives and actually changing them for the better.

Remember all the things which you have been postponing until now? The dream you have had for like forever, but which only remained pigments of imagination at the back of your mind but was never materialized because of one excuse or another? How about that habit you just cannot shake off, which both you and I know is not doing you any good and needs to go right now? That can of soda you must have every day or a boss you cannot refuse? These and many others are excuses which according to Dr. Wayne, we have allowed to infiltrate our lives and make us helpless.

Where do excuses come from?

Dr. Wayne opens our eyes to an astonishing truth: that indeed everything that is wrong with us comes from those things and people who surround us in our environment. He testifies that in the life of every adult person, lies a series of ideas which they absorbed from hearing what others think and say about money, for example, there being not enough of it, or abut health, there being so many ways someone can get sick, or for example, in my case, about people, there being no genuine person left on this otherwise beautiful earth. it is these ideas which have become like mind viruses, encroaching on all our dreams and sense of self worth and determination to realize those dreams. He gave an example, where if someone grew up poor, he heard from his parents how money is hard to come by, and it is through this lens he grows up to see the world. This man, no matter how much his financial state improves later in life, he still lives with fear that at any time, he could lose it and be back in poverty again. In some instances, he could feel like he does not deserve to enjoy so much money or feel like he cannot afford the lifestyle he wants and dreams of.

So how does anyone break their habit of excuses?

Dr. Wayne says, with a little bit of passion for your dreams, and imagination, you can break any old habit of thinking which has been harming you until now. He also mentions that our false sense of self, or what we call ego, is the root cause of the many excuses we give ourselves, and if one were to awaken to their higher sense of self, the god within, then all excuses would vanish. Therefore, Dr. Wayne recommends letting go of our egos, and living a spiritually-attuned lifestyle, where we practice self awareness and consciousness so we can get ahead and leave our excuses behind. Most importantly, it is through believing in our divineness, that we are divine beings i.e. souls with a body and not a body with a soul, that we can transcend any limitations brought about by our upbringing, genes, subconscious programming or our environment. To sum up, it is by living a spiritual life where we are in harmony with god within and without, and are driven not by selfish egos, but by selfless compassion for others, can we really live excuse-free lives. And I agree with him 100%.

Thank you note

Thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer for the teachings in your book. I am blessed to have been your student and send you, wherever your soul may be right now, immense energies of love and gratitude for your timeless teachings which will live on and on forever. Thank you so much for having made your life purpose and passion, our growth and evolution into better human beings through your books and lectures. Thank you!

A Life Of Service

I think God intended for us to help many people. He does not want us to succeed for ourselves or be satisfied with selfish accomplishments which have only been benefitting us as individuals. I think life purpose or mission in anyone’s life is about what they can do to make other people’s life better with the skills or talents they have been blessed with in this life.

Talent, skills, wealth and health are outright blessings. However, did you know that the challenges, traumas, illnesses, disabilities and every storm we have faced in life are also gifts which we can use to help others who are going through the same? This is what made me open my eyes today. Not everyone who has been tested with what you were was able to make it to where you are. In my case, I have known many families with the same background and challenges as mine whose situation is worse and many youths from those families who were tested like me, but unlike me, have no way out and are trapped in drugs and dropped out of school. How could I not be blessed after seeing how far I have come despite all the odds which were way bigger than me and which threatened to destroy me? If the same odds succeeded to destroy someone else’s life in what seems like irreparable ruin, am I then not blessed?

For this blessing, should I not then feel a sense of purpose to help others who have walked my path of trials and make life better for them? Shouldn’t I set out to make sure I use my skills, talents and experience to make someone’s life better? I don’t have any money to start any big venture but I know I don’t have to wait to get the money I need, when I can start doing something, anything to impact someone’s life. Even if it is just my words of support and encouragement, even if it is just the fact that I made it this far, so can you, who is suffering and fighting against overwhelming giants!

Now that I have figured out this life-changing fact, the next question is what action can I take? What is the next thing I need to do? Where do I start? Who is my audience? Which method can I use to get the ball rolling? Is it by going to local primary and secondary schools and volunteering myself to counsel and guide them? Is it by visiting hospitals and volunteering to pray for the sick? Is it by cleaning the dirty streets in my village? What can I do to help people? Can someone please tell me?

I know it in my heart that God is calling me to action. It is so urgent that I cannot stop feeling this urge nowadays; the urge to do something not for myself, but for random people. Just the other day, I noticed the amount of trash which collected outside and around my home and neighborhood. Immediately, I felt I needed to step out and sweep it all clean by myself, which I did. In that moment, I felt so fulfilled. While I was sweeping, a lady passed by and prayed for me. That felt good. Then sometime later, a kid I begged to come help me load the trash into a sack, happily complied and we were able to finish in a matter of minutes. See? That wasn’t so bad! What I needed was only a broom and a sack. I didn’t need to buy anything, even the sack was given to me by my neighbor. That simple, selfless act of cleaning around the house, which also meant I was cleaning my neighbors’ houses as well since we all live close together, made me realize life is all about the good of the many and the selfless acts we do for others. I will go as far as to say, that if you want to experience joy and fulfillment, or to be cured of depression, go out of your way to do something that won’t be just about you; help as much as you can and start living for the community and not for yourself only.

As long as I can remember, I have been fighting an elusive monster I don’t fully understand. On the best days, it makes me so happy I could burst with ecstacy and feelings of fulfillment and purpose but on the worst days, I struggle to get out of bed for the day. Well, I am telling this monster, right here, right now, I see you now. You cannot hide anymore!


Everything makes sense now. It is like that moment people finally realized the Earth was flat, despite having pulled off a mean joke to us all that it was round. Looks can be deceiving, and this analogy fits like a spandex on my painfully-bulging thighs of a life. I am not okay. And that’s okay.


I cannot describe what is wrong with me. I have no name for this monster that has dug its menacingly sharp claws into my life and that of my family, but I know it is there. I don’t need to wonder anymore. I don’t need to guess why I have a hard time sticking to a project to the end, or committing myself to school, or hanging out with friends or leading a normal healthy, social and adventurous life, or never being able to let go of past disappointments, or expecting the worst to happen always, never being able to maintain stable relationships and feelings, or being volatile, ever-changing, ever reinventing myself, ever wandering into and out of depression or never fully feeling safe and secure in my body. I know now. The monster won’t let me. That is why.


What do I call this monster? Why did it choose me? Why did it choose my family? How do I break free from it? How do I free my family from it? Is it a generational curse?If so, who cursed us? Is it the devil? Or was it just a random mean person? Is the monster a test from God? How can I reclaim my life? How can I heal myself and my family? How do we become happy and healthy? How can we lead a normal life?


I feel sorry for myself. I feel shortchanged by life. I was given the short end of the stick of life. Before I was even born, someone already decided I was not going to win. Someone had already set a horror stage which would characterize the tumultuous and defeating events of my life. I was going to have to fight through my life, with overwhelming odds put against this lonely, sad and old soul of a book worm, with only her faith in God( if he ever exists) as her armament. Her life, everyday, seemed like a scene from Squid Games, never knowing if she will fall or fly, in the next game and the next,of her life. Will luck be on her side?

Because Joel osteen advises me to speak victory over my life, I am going to say this to the monster who has been haunting me and my family for generations, and to every monster who is manifested in different ways as different storms in other people’s life across the world, God Is Still On the Throne!I will defeat you and reclaim my wholeness. In the refuge of my good God, my loyal God I will find healing, wholeness and the restoration of my health and wellbeing. By his might and the power which resides in his name the most high, you will release your grip from me and my family as well as all other families which you have entrapped in your hellish abode, and you will disintegrate and disappear as if you have never existed in our lives. Amin

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