Looking Back…

Looking back one year ago today, I would never have imagined myself here, in the last lap of completing my Advocates’ Training Program and a few weeks away from the bar exam. I was somewhere else, going about my business without an idea of where I would find myself one year later. I feel like living without a goal in mind and a life plan might be scary and unorthodox for most modern people in the world, but sometimes when you have got no plan of your own, life plans for you.

To be honest, if I were to take a minute and reflect on my life decisions, those really important ones which changed my life to what it is today, I made them on a whim with a little push of intuition. Something does not make sense but it could mean my life gets a chance to improve and be better than what I am experiencing right now, and I go ahead anyway, even if I am not in love with the idea. Somehow, when I made the decision to choose law 9 years ago, I knew it was better than spending another year at home, dealing with all the stress and wasting my reading power on astrology blogs. Something told me to just wing it and apply for law, mostly because it would mean my life would never be the same as it was ever again! So this kind of philosophy, where you just trust in what is before you and choose a path, even though you have no idea how it will go, but you know deep down that it will definitely be better than “right now”, is what led me here to this day.

As was expected, my decision to return to school and complete my studies was also made more or less in the same manner as before. I was dying where I was at the time, totally clueless of what I was supposed to do next in my life but very much sure that the option to remain where I was did not appeal to me anymore. I had to get out because if I didn’t, I would never be the person I know I could be or have a chance to live the life of my dreams. Every day I looked at my vision board, I felt an unforgiving disconnect from the life reflected there and the place I was and the wages I received working as a temp. I knew I needed to do something extraordinary to get to the equally outstanding life I had envisioned for myself. No pain, no gain, they say. The thought of taking up the challenge of Advocates’ Training Program was not only terrifying to me at the time, but also ghastly. I spent two years running away from it, but it turns out that that was where I would return after all! Life lesson: never run away from the inevitable things in life for they always have a funny way of catching up with you. I should have just ripped off the band aid when I should. On the other hand, I am glad it all worked out the way it did, because I learnt a lot during my detour of 2 years where I worked very closely with my community and took a taste test on the life of a working human. Life teaches you even outside school. In fact, the only place anyone could be safe from the painful hand of life lessons is when they are busy studying in school!

On the bright side of things, this past year wasn’t all bad. In fact, looking back, I am happy I came back to school. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I have faced my fear of this place and realized that most of the fears were in my head. I have been living within the school and realizing that this year has been the least stressful year of my life. On hindsight, I have faced so much hardship outside in the real world than anywhere else. In school however, the only thing on my mind which could cause any stress at all is exams and I have managed to find a way not to break down into anxiety when I already feel like a winner for taking on this challenge in the first place. All I have to do is my best and the rest will take care of itself. To sum up, if you or anyone else you know is considering returning to school please do so without a doubt because you will look back one day and thank yourself for what will be the move that changes your life for the best!

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