The Foreboding Darkness; A reflection of our dark nights of the Soul

I am lying on my bed with a phone in my hands. The lights are out and I am inspired to write about the darkness which we normally find ourselves stuck in, in the course of our lives.

I have been through my fair share of dark nights of the soul. Put simply, a dark night of the soul is when you cannot see a way out of your miserable situation. It is when you feel like a victim of circumstances. People and places hurt you. You feel lost and incapable of pulling yourself out of the rut. It is when negativity has made its home in your mind. Smiling is painful and detestable. You wish the pain in your heart will go away. You don’t see the light at the end of anywhere and you gave up on God a long time ago and perhaps blame him for your current state, if you still believe he exists.

I think the biggest tell-tale sign of a dark night of the soul is that whoever is going through one, looks out for anything which will help them cope. They will overeat, overdrink, use and abuse drugs if that helps and binge watch TV to blindness. Those with previous obsessions or addictions, relapse during this time and they lose themselves to whatever that is which makes them escape from their current, pain-filled, hopeless and distraught reality. During this time, ironically, when we need God the most, it is when we alienate Him and stay as far away as we can from any mention of a holy scripture, graceful words or prayer.

So right now, as I gaze into the darkness looming over my room, I cannot help but feel a sense of familiarity with that black nothingness, which sends chills down my spine and makes me get goose bumps. I think it is my body’s way of recoiling from the horrific memories of my past. It is as if my eyes are staring into the shapeless, formless shade of blackness, scared to see my old self somewhere in there; crying sleepless into the night, not having anything work out, breaking down and under, feeling abandoned and alone and not seeing any flicker of hope. In this mirror of misery, it is as if my eyes are looking into the lives of everyone who is still stuck inside this forlorn abode, with no way out. It is as if my eyes are affirming to me, who is now standing in the circle of light radiating from my flashlight, You got out! You survived!Others are still stuck there. Others are not so lucky!

Therefore, whenever I raise my hands to pray, I tell God I am not praying just for myself, but for those who cannot pray for themselves. I tell him, God I am praying for those who are stuck in the pits of darkness. Fighting colossal monsters of depression,hopelessness,self-harm,drug abuse, helplessness,illness, victimization and isolation.Just like me, who got out perhaps because someone had remembered to pray for me, today I pray for them, in hopes that my prayer may bring light into someone’s life and save them from the darkness and into the light. God, stand by those who have lost hope in life, those who cry alone in the dark of the night, wondering if anyone cares, if anyone hears their cries for deliverance from the storms of their life. God please expand their chests and lift the burdens off of their shoulders and call them to you. Show them what you have shown me, the joy and peace that can be found in your warm and loving embrace. Amin

You Don’t Have To Fight Anymore

Dear all of you who have been in hell,

You don’t have to fight anymore!

You survived. You came through to the other side of hell. You no longer have to take a defensive stance anymore. You are safe.

I know the place you have come from. A place which made you suffocate. A toxic home environment. A narcissistic ex. A deal gone wrong. Cancer. Heartbreak and pain. That place made you scared. It is a dark place to be at. You held on with all your strength. And had to borrow some. You refused to give up. You wanted to so much, but you could not pack up and run. Because where else would you go? Who cared enough about what you had been through. All people saw was a wreck. All people heard in your cries was complaints. They would not understand. No they just don’t care. Because it is not happening to them. They will only care to judge, saying, ” Oh you have changed!”. How do they expect you to remain the same, when all that you went through alone took such a toll on your very essence as a soul. Don’t they remember the wars you had to fight alone? One against them all? How could they forget your dark nights of the soul? Those moments you wished you had died. But alive you still remained. How would they know? They would not understand. You gave your all in the fight. But the dark hole took just as much as well. It took your smile. Your free spirit. It stole your heart and turned it to bile. It made sure you would always stay afraid. Afraid of trusting in the world. Afraid of opening your heart. Your softness turned into aggression. Your warmth to ice. You built walls. As high up as the sky. Nobody could break through to reach your true self. You stayed alert. Always weary of others’ intentions. You don’t need to fight anymore. The worst is over.

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑