Changing the Narrative

Life is great. Everything is working out perfectly. I am positively surprised with how things are turning out for the good of everyone. My family is a joy to be around. Wait! Wasn’t I so worried about coming back here just last week? I remember crying about it to God and wishing I was far, far away from home as possible. So, what changed? My narrative!

I told my mind I was going to get along with my family, at least for the most part. I said I was going to try and speak how I feel instead of shouting how I feel. There is a huge difference between the two, for the obvious reason that the former gets people to listen to you and respond better whereas, the latter just gives you a sore throat, makes a bad day terrible and induces an unwanted headache. Not to mention the severe depressive episodes which follow after every fight or break down. Emotions are meant to be controlled. My ultimate goal right now is to stay on top of them as much as I can. If I could turn myself into the calmest, most collected monk in the world I would.

Perhaps, many wise people have spoken about the power of changing the story we tell about our life to ourselves and others, but mostly our own minds. The mind is like a child, it will believe what you tell it. Is today a bad day? Okay. He hates you? Alright! Your family is intolerable! Absolutely. There is a reason why we are unhappy and 99% of the time it has everything to do with the stories we hold onto and refuse to let go of. If at some point we had a rough time and we suffered, the mind gets used to this suffering and I would say it does more than that by actually marrying it and integrating it into its system of thoughts and emotions. We forget to move on and divorce these memories of pain and dysfunction and subconsciously keep dragging the same baggage with us wherever we go like the bowels in our gut. On the outside we look groomed and neat, but in our bellies, poop is getting made by the hour which we carry around inside of us everywhere we go.

It is for this reason that we must update the system of our thoughts and check which stories our minds are currently playing about our life, our love or lack of it, our spouses, our homes, our work and even that last time you tasted mango and decided it gives you gas. Can you check to see whether mangoes actually give gas or whether you just ate too much diary that day and being lactose intolerant, you assumed the mango was the culprit when it was you all along. It is interesting when you start being aware of the thoughts running through your mind. If you listen to them with detachment, you will notice a pattern, a narrative. It is this very narrative you must question whether it serves you or not. And if not, changing it is the only solution to your life problems. Turn over that fresh page and start writing your new story!

Our Comfort Zone

It is hard to step out into the wild. Cats will tell you how cold or hot outside is. They absolutely love and enjoy the attention and home we provide. Outside is tough. Everyone knows that. Even Will Smith.

However, what if I told you, everything you desire is found outside your comfort zone. The freedom, the adventure, the love of your life, the achievement and success you so very much desire. All of these things and more demand of us to let go and step out of what we have already known and grown comfortable around. Think about it. Had you been happy and fulfilled where you are you wouldn’t have these dreams about a better life and a happier lifestyle. Trying to cling onto your space or your habits because you fear the unknown is only going to make you stuck and reduce your options.

I lived like this for a while, refusing to face anything new or uncertain. I believed the world outside to be unsafe and anything new was scary. Especially if it was something which required me to move from my own space and venture into the new and the unknown. I held on to the life I had known for dear life. What is interesting to note is that I was so miserable in that version of life. I was unfulfilled and stressed. I would be sad and go into depression which lasted for weeks if not months. I would feel stifled by the stagnation and the lack of new prospects. But still the fear of leaving that familiar hell was daunting. At that point I should have known that anywhere else would be better than where I was at the time. Only after I had made the brave choice to step out of there did I realize how miserable I had been. I wish I had left earlier.

The universe will push you out of your comfort zone if you refuse to step out voluntarily. I believe life doesn’t want us to stagnate. We must keep moving and growing by challenging ourselves this way and that until we shed what no longer serves us and realize our full potential. One such instance which happened to me was when the place I used to work at turned so toxic that I was dying. That is when I knew staying there wasn’t an option any longer. I had to move on. Prior to that, I had found joy and excitement in the work I was doing and the new stuff I was learning but once that place served its purpose in my life, once the people there had served their purpose in my life, it was time to face bigger challenges and grow in bigger ways elsewhere.

For this reason, I find that nobody should hold onto anything for long. We should learn to read the sign when the time is up and move along with the flow of life. Resisting change will only cause us pain and undue suffering. Life is constant motion and we are part of that movement.

My Maker

There is some part of us that always wants to worry. It is a nasty default setting that centuries of survival have put in us. Somehow we decided that things cannot happen just naturally without our control or actions, but that is hardly the truth. The truth is that if we are honest about our life and how far we have come, most of the things which happened in our favor had nothing to do with our input or direction. Mostly because we didn’t even anticipate or foresee them, they just happened.

Why is it then so hard for us to trust in this same flow of our life, this invisible force which ensures all we need is effortlessly made available to us through unexpected means?

Take for example children, we all were helpless once and we could have died of starvation or exposure but somehow we didn’t. It wasn’t because we got jobs when we were two years old and paid rent and strived to afford milk and baby food to survive, but regardless, we survived. So, my question is who was it that provided for us then, and how is it possible that they would stop caring for us now? You can’t tell me it was parents by virtue that they were parents, because I have heard of several parents who would up and leave their children to starve or throw them in a trash bin, or torture and kill them. So, no it had to be someone else. This person put love in our parents, and if they didn’t love us enough to care, he inspired someone else to be there for us. This person couldn’t leave us then, therefore, he can’t leave us now or never will. Can we learn to trust in this invisible force which loves us and takes care of our needs? Can we surrender to this force and let go of control? Can we release our worries and fears about tomorrow, what we will eat or drink?

Would You have agreed to come Had you known…

Would you have agreed to come live the life you have been living had you known before hand how it was going to be?

I don’t feel like I should add anything more to the earth-shuttering, enlightening and eye-opening question above. It is the most powerful question you could ask yourself. Would you have come had you known the kind of hardships and trials you would face?Do you think you could come back and relive the same hell over again without hesitation?

Sometimes, I question the point of life. Why are we here in the first place if we just struggle, grow old and die? Then there is the question we have all been wondering, where do good people go when they die? You know, the ministers and the authors of self-help books and mentors who dedicated their entire lives to teach, guide and help us live better lives. Bob Proctor, who couldn’t have hurt a fly left. Dr. Wayne Dyer who swore there is meaning and purpose to our life, left. All these amazing gurus who you would think God or the universe would keep them longer than the serial rapist who is paying time, or that murderess who is convicted for drowning her own toddlers for obvious reasons: we need more people like Bob and Wayne and less like Elize Matsunaga or Westerfield. But no, they are very much alive and breathing through their nostrils very much the same as they had when they were born. It is for this very reason that I find myself wondering whether this place we know as Earth is actually where good people are sent and are supposed to stay long at. On a deeper note, I am having a hard time believing that I don’t deserve to be in this hell if that is what this is, where bad people are sent to be tested and tried and cleansed from their evilness through pain and suffering, disease and dread, because I think I just massacred a whole community of ants who were in the rice cooker by turning it on. Does this mean, every time I wipe the ants away with a mop, because they are overtaking the little space I have and being a nuisance, that I am one of the hell dwellers and that’s why I am stuck here, suffering with the rest of you?( I mean no offense)

Apart from gurus taking the fastest train outta this place, think about the wars, pandemic, violence and mass confusion presently coloring the world today. Now ask yourself, if this place really was it, you know that destination we all want and the nirvana our hearts seek, would such awful stuff exist? Even more interesting is the fact that nobody can claim they came to this place without having suffered in some form or another. Now which place is described in religions as painful, dark, confusing, hot and full of suffering if not hell? What if I suppose that hell is right here- just masterfully disguised by someone who loves dark humor? What if all the gurus and Jesus and Mohammed all came here from a higher place to help hell dwellers on their path to restoration and redemption? What if all these good people who leave early have successfully completed their mission and have now departed this horrid,dying place never to return?

The dense dimension

If you try to pray, you will notice it takes time to manifest your prayers in this 3 dimensional realm. Why do you think that is? I have a theory: I think it is because we are somewhere dense and heavy, possibly under ground, cast away in such manner that it would take a serious effort on anyone of us to raise our vibration to such heights that would match even a little bit, the superior vibration of what we desire- peace, prosperity and happiness- all feelings characterized by heavenly energies of purity, love and light- which obviously are harder and harder to come by in this realm which is immersed in suffering, wars, disease and depression. There is a stark mismatch between these two levels of energy which cannot go unnoticed. It is as if you are stuck in a dark hole 7000 feet deep and are asking if you could have a walk on the beach, or you’re a plankton fifty thousand kilometres deep in the Atlantic ocean and have been all your life, and you pray every day to know what it feels like to ride a plane. How could that be possible? You get what I am trying to say? When I pray for something that never comes, I feel like that plankton and for good reason because that is how far under it feels like we are from heaven.

What I would give to ask the late John Osteen, Dr. Wayne and all others one question: “Where are you now? And is where you are better than here? And if that is the case, then where is here and what did we do to deserve to be sent to this place?”

Safe In Our Territories

Our God is a god of exclusivity. He made us to live on land and breath from the air with our noses, then made the fish live in water and breath through gills and also made birds whom he gave exclusive permit to use the sky(Well planes do trespass once in a while if not all the time).

The reason why we are not all traversing the same territory is arguably because, had we been all jammed into one space, we couldn’t have realized our full potential and would have ended up with no hierarchy or system of co-existence. Ecosystems are important to sustain life. And also, if one area of these territories goes bust(Ah, the pandemic, I don’t suppose fish have covid) at least the others are safe, for a while.

Life is exclusively designed. If you think this earth is complex, you haven’t yet seen how vast the universe/s could be if you looked beyond the atmosphere into space. There are millions of planets, possibly we will never know most of them in our life. There are multiverses which science hasn’t yet discovered. In fact, I don’t think we were meant to discover anything beyond our atmosphere in any personal way as we have done in the past. For example, the moon is there to help sailors lost at sea find their way back home or witches do their moon baths. It wasn’t meant for us to land on and plant our flag as if imprinting on it, saying “This is mine. I made it.”

Therefore, it is without a doubt that humans have been the most and perhaps, the only notorious species to push these territorial boundaries and go where they don’t belong. The space clearly is not our turf given that we can’t even breath there. If that is not a sign for us to stay away and mind our own business, what else would be? Just imagine a fish envisioning flying like the eagle, or an alligator suddenly seated in a classroom taking lessons on mathematics. All other species have respect for territory, unlike us. We have even found a way to breath under water for several minutes without any tools. With oxygen tanks, we could as well live there among the sharks and the whales- the latter whom we have been killing and driving to the edge of extinction.

So what has an eagle got to do to keep the planes off? What has the whale got to do to keep us off? and most importantly, what has God got to do to reinforce that, “Keep out” “No Entry” sign on the entrance of space? He could try to put up curtains made of some impenetrable material unknown to humans. Though I am sure we would find a way one way or another to penetrate, curtains or no curtains-like always.

Que Sera Sera

Today, right here, I will take an oath that I swear not to get worried about when and how something I want will happen. I swear that as long as I shall live, I shall focus on the present moment only and stop worrying about my future. I wish to just live in the here and now without a care in the world!

The happiest people on earth must be those who live each day at a time. Imagine how freeing it would be if we all just didn’t give a dime about tomorrow. Had we all been content with our todays and paused to enjoy them mindfully, I believe anxiety and depression would not exist.

However, so many of us have forgotten how to live in the present moment and instead ruin it by spending today worrying about tomorrow. On the other hand, if we spent so much time and energy worried, you would think that would change what was already meant to happen in our future but that is rarely the case. Seeing the state of unpredictable wars, pandemics and god knows what else happening all around the world, I am convinced that no amount of worrying or foresight would have prepared us for what was already destined to happen. The future is out of our hands and there is nothing we could do to change that fact! It would serve us well to know that as much as we plan and go about our lives as if everything is going to happen according to our wishes and desires so long as we put in the necessary effort and work hard because nothing is free, most of what is waiting for us is mostly unexpected and a surprise-good or bad will depend on how hard you prayed and whether or not God likes you(I am just joking with this one).

Prayer

They say if you pray hard enough, even if it takes ten years, you will get what you prayed for. However, nobody said how we were going to survive those years we spend waiting. In the same way, nobody said how we were supposed to bear seeing everyone around us receive quite so easily what would be the things we need most in life more than anyone else. It is frustrating to pray and not see anything change. It is even more depressing to wait on the Lord when you know he is an abundant God who, if he wills can make anything happen before we even have time to blink. In order to feel better we tell ourselves how God is protecting us from what we want that is why we don’t get it, but if he is the Omniscient and Omnipotent Almighty God, I am sure he could just as easily replace what was bad with better and give us that in the same amount of time it would take him to bring the sunrise tomorrow morning! So, the question is, why is God so slow in answering the prayers of his humans who need him the most? I don’t know but what I know is this: That no amount of relentless praying would ever change what God has decided. If it is just not the time for me and you to get married to our dream spouses and live in our dream homes, it is just not yet our time. Simple!

Way forward

Now that we have established the fact that it does not matter the amount of prayers you send up to the sky, what matters is whether your time to receive and enjoy what you desire has come or not, there is no reason to remain frustrated or worried because we don’t yet have what we want(or in extreme situations, what we absolutely must get to survive in which case we are screwed). Worrying will not speed up our timeline nor is it of any help to feel jealous over other people’s blessings which they seem to get without wanting or needing them. And Bam! Perhaps I have answered my own question. The very fact that we obsess over the stuff we want could be working against us by making those things take even longer to come. Maybe if we just let them go and said, “fluff off I don’t need you,” they will magically start chasing after us(I mean, it works with men).

Detachment from attachment

“Pray about it and let it go.” I must have heard this statement a thousand times. In retrospect, I must also have written a post before about why we shouldn’t pray for what we want. I thought I was wrong because praying is good and it never hurt anyone to ask God for a favor or two. Can it be perhaps, God does not want to be pestered about what we want all the time and instead he would much rather if we simply had faith that he already knew our desires and has been preparing them for us or rather, us for them.

It is crazy that God should take too long to create anything anyone wants no matter how big and impossible it seems, when he created the whole world and everything we know from nothing in just 6 days! I mean what I want is dust compared to the whole universe/s.

Therefore, I can’t help but feel, like it is all about when the time is right in God’s eyes and not our own. When he deems it is the right time for us to get married, so what if we are sixty? As long as in his eyes that is the right time, then so be it! Remember guys, we didn’t even get consulted about coming here to join this freak show we call life in the first place, so why would anyone ask us how we wish to live it? It seems a bit presumptuous of everyone to think they could live life on their terms when they couldn’t stop growing old and dying even if they worked hard all their life to avoid it. This life is like that gift you can’t return, because it would be impolite to do so and you can’t fully call your own either, because the person who gifted it to you wants you to use it based on their own terms and conditions. My advice: let us just enjoy whatever we get offered in life and call it a day, shall we? One day we will all die and what is eating our heads right now won’t even matter when we kick that dreaded bucket. Why bother? Let’s just live, que sera sera!

The Whole World is Asking me to WAIT

Page is unresponsive…Wait! VPN is acting up breaking off my WIFI…wait! I am starving and the delivery is taking three hours…wait! My computer won’t start…wait! I am still single as hell…wait! I want to scream at the world to be faster…wait! My veins are boiling with indignation as I envision breaking and smashing stuff into the wall…wait! Wait! Wait!

Interestingly, I have zero patience. A sweet, smiling and beautiful face quickly turns into the HULK when I am forced to wait longer than is necessary for anything. God must be tired of my prayers for a husband because that line is disconnected nowadays. I seem to have so many things on my wish list put on hold, pending the thousands of lessons I have to learn to remain calm and composed as I wait in line for my time to come. Will it ever, though? I don’t see any sign!

Someone, somewhere is force-teaching me to wait. It sucks a lot to be told, “No, it is not your turn yet!”, As you watch everyone else being handed the life of their dreams. I pray and pray forever and ever. Nothing budges. I cry myself into despair and watch an episode of Schitt’s Creek and instantly feel better because at least I don’t live out of a motel and struggling to eat. Life sure treats everyone who signed up for it with some nasty surprises. It is as if life said, “If you don’t like it, you can leave!”. Well, some have tried, but God imagine taking a quick exit only to find yourself back here again, probably to retake the same exam you bailed from! That would be too cruel even for you, life!

We can deny it all we want, we can resist and fight and scream and get depressed but the fact remains: we signed up for a life which would only allow us to live on its own terms and so we must! I don’t know how many more lessons are stacked up on my path, but this I know: I am still going to freak out if that queue does not budge. I am still going to want to smash things into the wall, or at least smile at the thrill of the idea of it every time my computer refuses to start or that delivery takes hours. I don’t promise to be patient because I didn’t ask for the world to be too damn slow-moving. It is just not my problem!

Love is not enough

All we need is love, they say. Well, I disagree. While love feels like the warm rays of the sunrise on your face after a freezing, damp and dark night, the sun does not last for in the evening, it bids goodbye and leaves us once again, clad in the shadow of the night.

For this reason, I didn’t think twice about telling him how this is not going to work. It was high time I accepted the fact that he was just not going to give me the life I need. As expected, he was realistic again, as he said he couldn’t see a future with us. He was always the realist, this man. I was the one living in the clouds and building castles without a foundation. I was always dreaming of a future where there was none to be had. However, today was the first time I felt calm about letting him go. It was always nerve wrecking before, whenever reality hit hard and I was forced to step away. There was once a time I would dread not hearing from him for even a day. That time is over. Thankfully I can breath and sleep without a problem. I am sure he hates how I have changed but he should know that by now, I love myself enough to walk away, not bitter and broken, but happy and at peace!

To this man I once loved more than myself I say sorry. I am sorry for leaving you after I learned to live myself first and foremost. I am sorry that I am running so fast and it looks like I am leaving you behind- to the same place you were when I met you five years ago. That has always been my style, I am stuck so hard you would think i would never escape, but once I manage to free myself I never look back.

Therefore, after many runs of trial and error, I find myself free at last. I am free from the past me who would settle for crumbs of love when I deserved the whole box of cookies. I am free from my old version of me who would attract the same type of relationships which hurt me the same way my father has. That part of me who would get into relationships with men who reminded me of my father, so I would get triggered over and over again every time I couldn’t text someone or call them, or be acknowledged in public with them, is now dead. I buried her. End of the story!

What you see with your Mind’s eye, you will see with your eyes

Life without a vision is like a bus without a destination. That dream is in you for a reason. What you imagine your life to be when you close your eyes, that vision, must come true.

When you listen to stories of people who are leading extraordinary lives today, they started with an idea in their mind of where they wished to be. Most of these people came from very poor backgrounds, had a rough childhood, weren’t loved by their parents, slept hungry or were stuck in a harsh reality in which they couldn’t imagine escaping from, but they dared to dream big regardless of how impossible their dream seemed to be.

Life is like that, it will give you all the reasons why you should give up only to watch and see if you will take the bait of hopelessness or not. Those who have really made it in life chose to keep believing in their dream no matter how hard life was. Looking back, if I hadn’t kept going despite the odds against me, I would have taken an easy way out by submitting to the miserable reality of my life. The depression, the anxiety, family tension and poverty almost put me down for good. Lack, chaos, and confusion colored the book of my life. Labels were thrown at me by people who thought I shouldn’t have survived what was put against me. But something in my mind and heart of hearts, always knew I was destined for great things. The vision in my mind’s eye burned bright even as I stood between a rock and a hard place. Reality persisted with its tumultuous challenges but so did I with my faith and vision.

So what is my vision?

Short answer: To live an extraordinary life where I am my happiest, healthiest, free and most expressed.

When I close my eyes, I envision only the most abundant of the most abundant any human being could have and enjoy in a single lifetime. A lifestyle that many of those who have known me and my story would laugh at me for even conceiving such luxury and opulence. I don’t care if they do. I believe that I wouldn’t have imagined it if God hadn’t prepared it for me. In fact, if we believe that time is relative and past, present and future is all combined together, I would be convinced I had lived the life of my dreams in a time of my past which in this moment feels like my future. I might have as well already lived the life of my dreams in a relative time and space. That is why I have such a vivid picture of every detail and how it feels like to be there. That is why I yearn and miss it so much. If that is true, which I believe it to be, then it is only a matter of time!

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

Everything you write down in your journal comes true. In the book, “The Power of your Subconscious Mind,” Joseph Murphy explains that the subconscious mind listens to everything you have to tell it. It brings forth into your reality what you constantly think about. Even better, what you affirm in the way of writing it down on a piece of paper, or better yet, your Lifebook, has no choice but to come true because those letters act as a command to your subconscious to bring what is in them into your reality.

Talking of a Lifebook, let us see what it is. According to Jon and Missy Butcher, a Lifebook is a book that contains all your dreams and goals of what you wish your life was like. This book is divided into a dozen areas of your life which are considered very important: your work life, family, love life, health, among others. In this book, You never leave out any details but describe everything to the tiniest detail. What are your goals? Where is your ideal home located? What does it look like? What are your children and husband like? Do you guys have a pizza night? If so, which toppings are your favorite and theirs? You don’t need to have been married to know this. You simply create your ideal marriage and family life the way you like it, with imagination. However, this does not stop at just visualizations, but goes further to require you list the decisions which will take you there. For example, if your dream husband is tall, handsome, kind and loving, who has time for you and has the same interests as you, you would be required henceforth, to go out with guys who are these things and nobody else. For example, what should you do to attract such a guy? If the law of attraction says that like attracts like, don’t you need to be what your are desiring first and foremost? Where would you meet a guy like that? Anywhere except in your cocoon. Therefore, this means you need to go out there and meet people and you need to be discerning as to the kind of men you entertain because you know exactly what you are looking for.

Now that we have an idea of what a Lifebook is, let us look at the effect it has on your life. Most people have testified that their life is unfolding exactly as they envisioned in their Lifebook. This could be the reason why most people are successful with reaching their dream life, because they have conditioned the subconscious to bring them what they desire by focusing on it and imprinting it in their mind through writing. The mind only sees what you tell it such that if you say you are a cat, you might as well start to behave like one. Murphy emphasizes that the law of the mind is belief and if used correctly, it can change your life, heal your sickness and give you everything you wish for!

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