You Are Asking Wrong; When Your Prayers Go Unanswered!

Don’t ask for the wrong things. Ask the universe to give you what you need the most and what will make you the happiest!

Please allow me to tell you this: each one of us has two personas within us. One is our external person whose suit we are wearing as our physical bodies. This person is in this life to learn , make mistakes and grow from them, so you can say she still has a lot more stuff she needs to mess up and I would not rely on her entirely when making important decisions; for those life-changing decisions, I would need a little extra guidance . And that is where the other, who is our true essence, comes in. Our higher self is unlimited and unrestrained by anything in this reality. This higher form of self is always there, whispering our biggest ideas into our ears and through intuition, makes us make the right decisions for ourselves.

Let me help you understand. Imagine your home. It is a space you live in which is in a town you are familiar with. Your home town may look big to you , you could even get lost in it or need the help of a car or train to take you from one place to another. However, if you take out your world map, or rather, your country map, you will quickly notice that the entire town or city you have been seeing as expansive and vast is actually just a tiny dot in a sea of dots all over across the world. Now, suppose this tiny dot of your home town is your physical ego self, your higher self is the world map with all its dots. What I am saying is, you are bigger than this physical manifestation. Imagine it as if someone tried to fit the titanic into a swimming pool. That is how infinite your true essence is. It has lived and occupied that much space throughout several lifetimes including this one, and already knows so much, wisdom which you can tap into for guidance in moments of confusion.

As I write this I realize some of you may not have been convinced. You are not small. You matter and you have everything you need to lead the life you want. The question is always, “what do you want?” , Not “what don’t you want?”! Don’t let the simplicity of this question fool you. If this question were asked to most of us, we would be shocked to find out most of the stuff we have replied with have very little to do with what we truly, really want from deep in our hearts. This is because, as humans we are moved to want what we don’t have at the moment. Right now. So for example, I will say, I want money. To have lots of it so I don’t get scared about not having enough in the future. Why? Because I am currently entertaining feelings of not having enough money. I have been feeling as if I will not ever get money again. That somehow, there is not enough money in the world to come my way. The world bank shut down. There will be no more money available. Everyone is going to have to make do with what they already have! That is my current mood. But is that really the case? Do I really know that I will not very soon walk into fortune and have everything I want very easily , just like that? Why is it so easy to assume the worst and accept it as the truth and only truth and absolutely unfathomably impossible to assume the best and declare that as the only truth?

Long story short, there are things we need, which we don’t have right now. Things that we forget to remember when we pray fervently on our prayer mats. Instead of asking for them, we find ourselves asking for what is not really going to bring us what we need: happiness, joy and a meaningful life lived to the fullest! Who is to blame? Our egos, for not seeing far enough, for being motivated only by our nearest needs and demands and for not having the foresight which only our highest forms of self possess!

I will get real clear about one fact. You will definitely get what you ask for.That is a guarantee and I swear to God if more people knew this and 100% believed in this, depression and anxiety would become extinct and therapists would all lose their jobs! The real trick is to know what is it you should ask for. If you ask for something which is in alignment with your higher self, you will find those things come very quickly. On the other hand when you keep asking and you are not getting, instead of doubting the integrity of God and start accusing him of being unfair and biased( please forgive me), you should ask yourself, what is wrong with what I am asking? Is what I pray for really what I need to be happy? Am I asking wrong? Because most times, that would be the case.

So How Do you Ask Right?

Joe Vitale, in his book The Attractor Factor, said, while asking for something from the universe, after you have stated everything you want, for example,

” please God bless me with a beautiful home, a handsome man to love and protect me, a nice car, lots of money so much so that I will not know what to do with it even after I have done absolutely everything I desire, a big library full of all the best books, my own private island with a cabin I can just go to escape from the world once in a while and read, sleep and eat, the freedom to travel the world and enjoy beautiful exotic places, dining at high end restaurants, …

don’t forget to say this powerful statement,

“…this or better than this.”

This means that you are willing to let the universe bring to you what could be way better than what you are asking for. This short powerful statement shows the universe or God, you trust fully that what you will receive will positively surprise you, because it will be better than what you could imagine was possible. This also means, you acknowledge the fact that from your limited perception of what is possible or not, you might have asked for something you don’t really need and that there is something more and better which exists out of your imagination and understanding, to which if you surrendered to the universe, would be granted to you.

Why Am I Unhappy? I Did Everything Right

I was told to study and study hard I did. Education will give you a job, then you will not need anyone,I was told. So I put my nose to the grindstone and worked my way through a gruesome 8,4,4 curriculum. Just like that, 16 good years of my life were gone. As if those were not enough, someone decided to add another several years of my golden life, because of all the careers in the world, God decided I should become a lawyer. (Was it God or my misguided unwise self back then? I don’t know. Sorry God)

I hardly remember the excruciating moments through nursery to University Graduation Day. I think that is mostly because our minds have a therapeutic way of making us forget our pain, if it proves to be too much for us to handle. Or, there are just too many distractions or demands for our time and attention throughout our life, that we hardly have time to recall what we ate yesterday, let alone what trauma we have been subjected to in our past. That must be it! We are just too busy doing the wrong things which hardly give us any joy! Think about it! If you cannot come forth and say it, I will: I am too unhappy and I cannot for the life of me understand why that is! I did everything right! I even walked the extra mile of picking one of those career paths that should guarantee prestige and success. Then why am I depressed? Where is the joy that was promised to all of us hard-working souls ? Where is the paradise?

I want to say someone must have lied to us! Education might be important but I am starting to think that an overzealous investment in a career path which empties the bank, your youth and your mental health and which gives very little in return, is not the right way to go! Absolutely not advisable! It does not pass the common sense test!

Not to come off as too negative. I am not trying to say we should not become professionals. Far from it! What I am saying is invest wisely. Spend your energy on something which brings you happiness. If something asks too much of you and you know you could do better pursuing something else, please listen to your heart.

Some people love food and dining but they end up becoming civil engineers, not chefs! Why? Some people love to write but you cannot see a single course in our Kenyan Universities that will guarantee you a career as a successful author. And what do such people do? We become the closest or farthest thing from what we love, lawyers or even doctors! Instead of waking up everyday excited about our next idea for our next book or to simply read the next best book, we have to attend thousands of hours of classes trying to teach us how to draft a freaking notice of motion with ridiculous affidavits. Don’t start me on civil and criminal procedure and the damn rules of hell. Where is the inspiration? What room is there for creativity and personal expression? Not every letter should have “the subject matter refers!” I find these formal letters boring and mediocre, to say the least. I never loved rules when it came to writing. They simply suffocate your creativity and are a sure fire way of chasing the writer out of you!

On a more positive note(trust me I am trying to smile), I realize it is not the end of the world. I also thankfully realize, that I have this wonderful platform to write and share my thoughts with my wonderful readers all across the universe.I did not throw away my passion for writing and even if it is tiny and cannot be compared to thousands of dollars invested on exhausting miserableness that is my career, I was able to invest a few dollars every year for this blog that is my breath of fresh air!

The message in this whole catastrophe is, please do something you love!

Sometimes, You just Need to Get Out!

I believe there are some places in the world that are bad for you. When you find out that is the case, the best thing you could do is to move. Most times, people don’t make it when they stay in their place of birth. The place where you were born and grew up might be your home, but did you know that it could also become your sinkhole?

I have seen people get into a cycle of problems, like a twisted maze that is endlessly turning. No exit , no room to breath. I have seen the same people improve their lives the moment they step out of their home. Sometimes, all we need to do is take that first step, that blind leap of faith into the unknown in order to experience freedom and happiness. Let nobody tell you that you can only have what you were born with. You can have absolutely everything and anything you want. Just get out of your own limitations and behold what the world will deliver to you!

Not My Jam But Here I am!

It began with an invitation. A harmless group of girls and firm mates in my class wanted to hang out and “put the face to the voice,” as they called it. Since I joined law school, we have only heard each others’ voices over teams so everyone was eager to meet. But I wasn’t!

Four months ago, I made a decision that would change my life. I decided, after waging several coup de tats over my will, passion and everything I was, to go back to school. This is no ordinary school mind you, it is Law School; that final race to the finish line of becoming a practicing advocate of the High Court of Kenya.

To every other lawyer, Law School is not only expected but accepted. To me, how do I put it? Let me just say, I was prepared to get cast away to a small island in the middle of the Indian ocean where the only source of food was coconuts, than to have to go to hell, I mean, Law school!

So believe me when I tell you that it had to take a pretty desperate, no-choice-but-to-go-back-to-school kind of a situation, to make me acquiesce.

Everything was all well and good the first few months, since learning was online( thanks to Covid, but no thanks) and I did not have to leave my comfort zone to move two cities away just for the sake of school. I was trying to avoid having to surrender familiar surroundings, for a cold stranger’s land, in the middle of a rich suburb, that had no compassion for poor students living in subsidized student hostels. Honestly, the fact that I would have to live with only two options for food for a year:Maizemeal and ramen, was only an excuse. The real reason I wanted to stay home was deeper than that; I have a hard time accepting change. I fear the worst. Always.

If I was that apprehensive of change, why am I bowling with strange girls and having so much fun?(I was the champion of the day).The old me would do everything possible to avoid hanging out with the girls. She would rather spend Sunday alone in her hostel room, trying to think why at 27, she is still single and miserable as hell( and also wondering if it is not too late to leave everything and go back home. The world is brimming with lawyers, one less wouldn’t kill the profession!).

So, long story short, four months later, as I write this piece, I am happily housed at the student hostels in the school , which I previously dreaded with my heart and soul. I find this whole experience very exciting, the city, everything I have wanted and dreamt about. If the Law of Attraction had a home in Kenya, this would be it! This is the land of manifestation of desires, angel numbers, signs and synchronicities. I am not alone. I am not a stranger. I am home. And this is where I want to be for the rest of my life!( And yes, I love bowling!)

Husseyn- That Time of the Year When We Are Reminded this World is Shit

Yes, you heard me right! This world, the one we love so much more than anything, is shittier than shit shit.

Why? You ask. Well, it is in this world where thousands die each day because of war, starvation or disease. Millions of lives are lost through violence and tyranny. Greed of those with power against those without;stealing the only bottle of water a community survives on, when you got a whole lake!

The tragedy of Karbala challenges my greed. It is the greed for comfort, luxury, riches and money, yes, lots and lots of money. If God or the universe or my highest self or whoever, gives me the gift of life, I want food. Just when I somehow manifest three meals a day just fine, I start to think if only I could have enough money to buy furniture. When a new set of sofa arrives, I look at my 32 inch TV and wish I could own a bigger one, so I ùcould at least enjoy showing it off to my friends when they drop by my place. Assuming I somehow get everything I want, there is still going to be something I wish I had had, if only I could get a spouse to share these things with, if only I could afford an overseas vacation with my family, if only I could own designer bags and shoes. If , if , if….

It never stops. Try and tell me. Tell me when you can say that you are so satisfied with everything in your life right now, such that if a genie shows up with three wishes for you, you would pass them up!

So where does Husseyn come in all of this? Husseyn, like Jesus, was ready to give up his life and that of his family for his conviction. He believed, he stood by it and he died for it alongside the rest of his family and a 6 month old baby. He dared to slap each one of us and our greed for material possessions and comfort and shamed everybody for wanting to go on living with our only motivation being ourselves.

Every year, for ten days, I am reminded of why buddha chose a life in the mountains and not in the city. Everyday for ten days, I think if this world is really worth anything, why do good people suffer and bad ones win? I think if this world was everything, why is everything in it so messed up? If one part of the world thrives, another falls to ruins. If a group of powerful countries rise, they leave even more countries in shambles under their feet. I want to know if this world, this life, really is worth everything we have put in them. I would love if someone assured me that if I could have everything I want, I could live the rest of my life enjoying it without having to fall sick, or get bankrupt, or get raped, or killed in an accident or die in one way or another. Can someone promise me that? I don’t think so! If that is the case, why would anyone want to love this place and never want to leave?

I Created My Husband

Everyone at some point in their life goes through a “Who will I marry? When will I meet the one?” crisis( trust me, ask the tarot readers they will tell you it is true). Just like midlife crisis for men and menopause for women, this rather depressing phase of our life could drag on for what seems like forever, making us question whether God of Happy-Ever-After was even getting our incessant applications for that perfect soulmate in the first place, or he just doesn’t even have the time to see them, because he is too busy orchestrating happy endings for everyone else, except for us!

Ping Ponging between our exes remains the only option albeit the least attractive one, but what could a girl do? Netflix has run out of good tv and self-pleasing is not fun anymore( my clitoris is screaming for ceasefire, she is falling apart, she is threatening to file a domestic abuse complaint with the Clitoris Police). Little does anyone know, Mr. Right just cannot be one of our exes. They are exes for a reason!

So how does a girl get married? What is the name of the store which sells husbands? How much does a 6 feet tall, blue-eyed, Henry cavill look-alike cost?

Since Heavenly Mail is on lockdown, and all my tear-filled prayers to God have been stamped “Return To Sender”, I am now convinced more than ever that praying is not going to be the way that does it for this girl, and maybe, it is this very state of hopelessness, which drove me to a very crazy idea: What if I could C.R.E.A.T.E my husband?

Bob Proctor in one of his videos mentioned that as spiritual beings in an energy-filled universe, we hold the power to manifest that which we desire through acting as if we already have it. So if applied correctly, this method uses feelings, a hypothesis invented by Neville Goddard in his book, Feeling Is the Secret which explains that you could create your circumstances of choice by feeling as if you were already living in them. This includes people, too. So as Proctor would detail it for us, you need to start seeing the person of your dreams in your mind’s eye, talk and act as if he is right there beside you. For this to really work, you need to of course, start with a face, the colour of his eyes, his smile(and those dimples), his hair, his height, complexion and frame. The next step would be to give him a name( of course, come on). All this sounds easy right? No big deal! Well that is not all you have to do… it gets a little bit spooky and downright cray cray from here on out!

Living with a ghost is more like it. If I remember correctly, Proctor said you have to sleep with him, set a side a space with his pillow beside you on the bed, talk to him as if he is really there, ( talk of the imaginary boy in the movie, the Conjuring),basically, all the stuff you would normally do with your partner.The key is to get your imagination going, but not too far, I hope.

Playing God does have its perks. You get to choose how he looks like, make him just the way you would want him to be, just the way you like your pizza or birthday cake! Delicious and mouth watering, and no matter how many times you have had them, you just can’t have enough! I wish this works, because here is a little secret, I just bought a cauldron for this magic mix and I can’t wait to stir! The final product is blue-eyed like Hamoa beach of Maui, is tall and oh so handsome! Abracadabra!

Why Oh Why?

I why is this reality an illusion? Why does everything I see and touch seem so real? Why is it called reality if it is unreal? Is my cat not real? Is the bed I am sitting on not real? Is this phone I am holding in my hands not real?

If the physical is but a manifestation of the spiritual, doesn’t it mean we have all been duped? Or we duped ourselves? Why lie to us that this world and everything we perceive with our senses is everything there is? Why make us believe we live to die? Why make a joke out of our existence?

The real world is not tangible. It is made of energy, colours and waves. Beautiful,dancing, colourful rainbows. What color are you? I am emerald!

Why give us two eyes on the front of our face only to see an illusion, but only give us one unseen eye on our forehead, which we forgot we even have?

Why lie to us that we are powerless, when we hold the power to create the world? Why let us forget this fact, and make us helpless ducks?

I wish we could remember who we truly are? I wish everyone saw their true image when they looked in the mirror, past the flesh and bones. I wish we take back our power to create the life we want. I wish we stopped believing, that there is something we can pray to, to help us!

I Surrender

Why surrender to fate?


This is the word that echoes in the depths of my mind whenever I contemplate how peaceful surrender is. This is an Arabic word, from the book The Alchemist , meaning “already written”. If everything is already written about our life, why bother worry about anything at all?

If our death was decided upon even before our birth, aren’t we just actors, playing out a script at the director’s command? Is life really just another movie, novel, or play? Should we all just give up fighting and surrender control over our life, since characters can’t really dictate how a story goes, it goes how the writer perceives? If this is the case, who is this writer and can I meet them?

Is God the writer/director?

Ever since I was awakened to the belief of angel numbers, the universe and the law of attraction, I have always been conflicted about the place and role of God, especially, Allah, in all of that. Is Allah the Source? Could He have been arabized in the Quran and interpreted in prophet Muhammed’s eyes and background? Or is Allah a God for Arabs? Why was there Jesus? If Jesus is the son of God because he came from the spirit of God, aren’t we all sons and daughters of God then, because if God is the source of all life, he should be in all of us, making us all gods? This is all so confusing! I am still trying to make sense of everything and connecting the dots wherever I see any link.

For example, Islam means surrender, especially, surrendering to the will of God. Surrender is the Bible of law of attraction, meaning Islam could not be so far from this law. For those who don’t believe surrendering should mean that everything is fated, I still have a theory for you. Let us say surrender means trusting that a higher power knows what is best for you and if you have faith, it will lead you to everything you need that is for your highest good. This theory still applies to what I have learned about the universe where it is believed that each one of us exists as a higher form of self which is always looking out for us and knows what we want and has all the answers which we can tap into through our intuition or inner voice. Except in Islam, instead of a higher form of self, there is a separate God called Allah. However, I say separate with a pinch of salt, because in the Quran, Allah has declared many times that he is closer to each one of us than the jugular vein in our necks. In some instances He declares that He knows everything from the depths of the deep oceans to the falling of a leaf. My question is, for any power to know everything everywhere, doesn’t it mean that He has to be one and the same as everything and everywhere? He is the leaf that falls, the ant that crawls, the ocean with all its depths and deeps? Now, looking at what I have learned about Source being the essence from which all life is manifested in the universe, where we as humans, birds, bees, trees, fish , everything is a manifestation of the Source , this shows just how strikingly similar, these two beliefs are. 

How Giving Could Change Your Life

Give and you shall receive, written somewhere in the Bible.

Every religion has talked of giving as a guarantee of receiving. You not only receive the amount you give, but it doubles and triples in ways which could amaze and shock you!

Buddha Power bracelet

Buddha power bracelet

So I recently bought this buddha power feng shui bracelet which is supposed to make you receive so much money and miracles, so much so that your life could change into the life of your dreams.

Excitedly, I went on a hunt for all the information I could find about the amazing powers of this bracelet. One of the biggest conflict was in which hand you were supposed to wear it. One particular youtuber explained how when she wore it on her right hand, which is her active hand, she spent so much money she kept on giving it away. Once she realized this, she changed to her left hand, and cannot believe how much money keeps on coming to her from unexpected places.

I unboxed my bracelet and for the first time I put it on my right hand. I was amazed at how shiny the bracelet was and was curious about the writings on the black obsidian beads. I then found out they were a mantra for peace and spiritual ascension.

Why Spending Is not so bad

So I don’t know whether it was just my mind but when I put on my bracelet I would spend and give away money. I put it on my right hand. I started believing what the woman in that youtube video was saying. But before I thought about switching hands, I said to myself, “Wait! Isn’t the point to give so you can receive?” Nobody is wrong for thinking that only when you give without fear of not having enough, can you really truly receive without fear of running out! So it makes so much sense that the right way to wear the bracelet is on the right hand because it is guaranteed by the universe that you will receive when you give.

A Frozen Flower- Trust me you’d want to watch this movie and here’s why

I have no words to describe this one. I have watched it countless times and every time I don’t skip. It is one of those love-at-first-sight movies which will have you come back again and again, why? Because no other movie in the same genre could compare!

The story goes like this…

There was a fairly handsome, loyal and reserved king. He is kind and cares a lot about his group of scouts which he trained and supervised. This group of scouts were young boys slightly younger than he was. They literally grew up together. The king is shown to particularly like one devoted boy scout, who was very much dedicated to the group’s main purpose, which was to serve and protect the king, even with their lives. This boy would train into the night and for this reason he grew closer to his king.

The boy grew up to become a strong, handsome chief of the scouts and we are shown that his closeness with the king, who is now this tender, fiercely loyal and dotting authoritative man, has become into a full-blown love affair.

Does the king have a wife?

Yes indeed. He is married to a beautiful woman who has not had any chance to get close to him because the king is busy showing affection and making love to his chief of scouts. The wife upto this day, had not even had her first night with the king. That just goes to show how fast this marriage was going to go down the drain.

Now, political marriages are always about heirs. This one was no different. The king was not going to get away with not bedding his wife for very long, because the pressure for an heir was just too intense, as to cause some ministers in his court to plot to dethrone him, using lack of heirs as the excuse.

The Conundrum

Now what would an impotent king who could not bed his wife do to secure his throne? All he had to do was ask his lover, the chief of scouts, to bed his wife in his stead. Whaaaat?!! You heard me right. He asked and of course his lover refused but you see , their relationship was always going to be defined by a servant-master status because being the king, he could not be refused since anything he said was considered a decree. This dynamic between them, you could say, will be responsible for many problems to come, and most significantly, you could say, it was this very dynamic of king and subject which robbed the king and his chief, of any real chance at true love devoid of duty, especially on the part of the chief of scouts.

The Falling Tower

The chief, upon tasting some of that juicy sweetness served by her majesty, lost his bearings and almost forgot that he had any duty to love his king. The biggest loser in this whole business is the king because he loved with his all and gave it all away the moment he asked something he should not have.

A lesson to us all, always choose the person who will love you like there is no tomorrow. Also, when faced between lust-come-love and loyalty, choose loyalty. If I were the chief, I would love my king with all I have got, because his love and care was so tender, giving and so possessive of course, something I die for. I could do anything to have been the person to whom the king was making love in that intense bed scene between them(yes, the movie has several very hot bed scenes). In this sense, I agree with the deputy chief who, like me, wish we could swipe places with the chief. The chief can chase her majesty’s skirt all he wants, for it is loyalty and tenderness that is found in true love, and not in sneaking in library corridors for midnight booty calls.

What can I say, those who have a good thing always end up not seeing its value and instead leave it for something less.

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