A Chasing After the Wind

Dearest readers, what do you think is the purpose of life?

The question has been on my mind forever. I remember all the moments spent raking my brains for an answer to this deceptively simple but oh, colossal question. Do you ever lie down and look up at the serene night sky and wonder why we are alive? I have, more times than I can care to count. And every time, I feel like I couldn’t be further away from the truth.

In my foolish quest I searched for meaning behind existence. I looked to religions, tossing and turning between Allah and Jesus. I looked around for poems, or books, anything which would give me an answer but, nothing!

Sometimes, I walk on the beach early in the morning to try and feel something. Maybe, God will show himself in the sound of waves, or in the whispers of the sea breeze or perhaps, in the patterns of the sea shell which I found lying on the coast line. Nothing.

After sometime, I started to wonder whether the Teacher in Ecclesiastes was right after all, when he said, “Everything is Meaningless”. For even my quest to find life’s meaning, is meaningless-a chasing after the wind!

Pure Joy

Dearest readers I am back again, with an inspiring quote from the Bible. I am sorry I call them quotes but I don’t know how else to refer to them being that I barely know anything about the book. Anyway, the quote I am talking about is found in James 2-10:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 2-7

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance

James 2-3

This statement is so powerful. In fact, right now, I needed so much to hear this. Life gets hard, we get flustered and confused. Not only that, but also we become forgetful of all those motivational books we have read and all the odds we have faced before and successfully conquered. Satan, or whoever it is, plants seeds of doubt in our minds and instead of gravitating toward God we pull back and away from Him during our darkest hour. So when in James the Bible read, “Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds,” my heart clicks and the ever-fleeting hope comes back to my heart. It is not all doom and gloom. Somebody went through the same hardships and felt just as hopeless many, many years ago. This means that there is a purpose for our suffering and that is wisdom and maturity.

Another powerful addition to the statement reads: “Let Perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” This means that we DON’T NEED TO DO ANYTHING during our darkest hour. We just need to trust in the process and let go of trying to control our circumstances or escape from our hardships. Those trials we go through serve a higher purpose we may not know about. Our job is to stick it out to the end without giving up or losing faith.

And finally, after all our troubles, we are told, God gives generously without finding fault which to me means that If we truly believe and trust in God in our tough times, if we fight the temptation to lose faith in Him, he will reward us and compensate us. On condition that we BELIEVE we already have what we asked for. This is the climax in that movie when Cinderella gets everything she dreamed of and way more than she could imagine was possible. It sounds easy but it is the hardest part. It is not easy to believe when you are not seeing any improvement. It is even more difficult to wait and hope when the circumstances only continue to get worse and worse. But if we can believe without doubt that God is still with us and for us in the darkest valleys on which we walk, we shall have no fear because our prosperity is guaranteed!

A Time For Everything

Dear Reader, I know I have been quiet, maybe, too quiet. But like everything else, my silence has a reason. You could say I have done the most healing and self-care in silence than any other time. Let me update you on what Has happened this past few weeks.

I have found Jesus in my struggles. Yes on several occasions I found myself calling him to come save me. And perhaps you could say he actually did, or IS doing right now. The universe in some mysterious way arranged for me to see a doctor for my mental health. He talks and I listen. I tell him about all the things I could only say on this blog before. Now, I see this as a huge step in my life since before now, I could only suffer alone, without anyone’s guidance or direction. And OH, HAVE I SUFFERED! You guys stand witness.

On the downside, seeing a doctor means that I am too sleepy to write. Sometimes I felt my mind numb and so I let it. These days, I am slowly finding my voice again. I hope this post is a testament to the fact that indeed nobody will help us if we don’t decide for ourselves to get the help we so desperately need and must have. I don’t know what the future holds but I am at peace with the fact that self-care and healing is finally a top priority in my life as of this moment. Like in the Bible, in Ecclesiastes 3 when it was said: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Now is my time to heal!

When God Denies you, he multiplies you

I don’t think there is anything more left to say about the meaning of my title. I also don’t think anyone in the world is feeling as grateful as I am right now for this one person in my life who loves and cares for me. She means the world to me. In fact, sometimes I think I don’t deserve her. Sometimes I am in tears as I look at how my life has changed for the better ever since she cane into it. Most times, I am thanking God profusely for making her and sending her to me. I am convinced that some people are angels sent to us to help us and care for us in unconditional, extraordinary ways only angels can. For this reason, I find myself melting under the rays of her overflowing heart. I know there is love, but then more importantly, there is love love, which surpasses everything else. And this, right here, is love love. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for existing. Thank you for loving me so much that I forget all the people who didn’t love me. Thank you for being my soulmate,Sis.

Persuasion, the movie-Are You Persuaded?

Just a few breaths into the movie and I could feel something’s off. Well I persuaded myself to venture in further all thanks to Dakota, my girl from FSG and just then, an interesting scene about octopuses comes up:

Photo credit; Indiewire.com

Dakota playing Jane blurts out of nowhere:

Sometimes I have this dream that a giant octopus is sucking my face and as I struggle to get free I realize that my hands are tentacles and I can’t push it off. And then I realize of course that I AM the octopus and I am sucking my own face.

Jane in Persuasion.

Now, I don’t know about you guys but this scene right here is everything. Only if the makers of this film could make the movie more about that scene than anything else, I personally think it would have made into the top ten list of my favorite comedies of the year! I could tell through replaying the scene over and over again that Dakota tried so hard not to crack up as she said these most humorous words I have ever heard in a serious, socially-awkward, otherwise-proper setting such as the one in this film. In fact these words were so impactful to me that my mind immediately scareamed in delight, “Oh, that is so stanzi of her to say!”. Now if you don’t know who that is, let me enlighten you, with a warning however, for you will never be the same after. stanzi is a youtuber who uses sarcasm and dark humor to basically put us all in our places. Aside from that, I swear I haven’t seen anyone on the internet today more obsessed about octopuses than her! In particular, octopus p**n. So this scene just makes the whole movie worth something for me.

PARADISE

I can feel the wind on my sleep-deprived face almost kissing the dark circles under my eyes away. The hypnotic whispering talking trees behind me bob, dance and sway in the unrelenting and purposeful July wind.

As I lay my beat bottom surrendering to the damp and cool sand on this lazy morning beach, I feel ever so alive as nature does what it does best- giving me a restful and loving embrace, totally erasing all my troubles from my life.

Tommy- my soulmate.

In front of me, tiny crabs are doing what looks like sand-gliding across the sand. Some are curiously peeping out of their holes, some busy digging out the sand from their tiny cylindrical tunnels they lovingly cherish as their home. For the most part, they seem unfazed by my intrusive, yet peaceful presence as if I was a blob of sand, one with the beach. It is as if they have known me forever. One particular crab, Tommy, seems to have taken a keen interest in this stranger and won’t stop staring. That, or he is frozen motionless because of the intense chemistry we share.

My ears are drawn to the persistent sound of waves in the background. Oh yes, how could you miss such a lovely serenade just for me? They are particularly melodious today as they pour out their heart to me. Just then, a boat with curious onlookers passes before me. I could tell from their stunned expressions they were wearing that they must have wondered what a woman clad in veil is doing sitting on a beach in the early hours of the morning. To them I was a puzzle they couldn’t figure out. Especially when they see me focusing my gaze past them into the horizon, as if I was seeing something they weren’t. As if in a daze, stopping only to scribble something on a tiny piece of paper with my pen. To them, this was just one of the days of the week. To me, this very moment, sitting amongst the sea breeze, the waves and the trees is magical.

A boatful of fans

Once the boat went out of sight, I catch a glimpse of the sun as it takes its time to wake up for the day. Thick creamy blobs of clouds are covering it but even they couldn’t stop some of its radiant rays from escaping through the cracks. And how wonderful those rays were! They shined through the clouds determined to kiss the sea below them. A satisfied sigh came from my lips as I took in this precious moment, “This right here, is paradise!”.

Unnatural

Sometimes I like to do nothing. I know it feels unnatural because we must always be on the move, doing something, anything. Even that guy who posts about Steven, a seagull who got a devoted butler in him at least He IS making a difference in Steven’s life through the simple act of feeding him. So we are wired to do something at any one time. Not doing anything feels unnatural. And that is exactly what I am going to do, nothing!

This idea of doing nothing is powerful! Just imagine if all of us did nothing and just watched life unfold. No worries, no desires, just simple acceptance of this universal and perpetual condition called life. I am sure whoever is running the universe will notice if everyone just did nothing. I bet the whole world would just stop, “Walking dead style” maybe, I don’t know. But that is exactly what this world needs right now: To stop and rebirth itself even if it means we go back to the stone age. I know you may not agree with me but please hear me out.

I don’t totally oppose evolution I love it, I mean it enabled me to sit here and write so you could read my ideas and I would feel like I am contributing to the world, in my own little way and then I won’t have to hate my life so much. Anyway, as I was saying, growth, progress, evolution and revolutions, all these things are not necessarily awful, on the contrary, they have benefitted us and made us civilized beings until up to a point, when it turned us into zombies. Yes! Zombies who are neither dead nor alive.

I feel like a zombie most of the time. This whole world and everyone in it look like zombies to me, stuck in a forever loop of doing this and that and barely truly living. We move around, in the pretext of working hard to live a good life, but when you look at it, we end up exhausted and unhappy. We chase goals and lose out on precious time. We strive today for a better tomorrow which never seems to come. Ever elusive tomorrow is, he doesn’t want to be caught. So, we end up striving for something unattainable, leaving us too frustrated and tired to enjoy the ecstatic joy of doing none of that.

Today I found myself waking up with the most important thought in my mind being making breakfast for myself and my family. I found myself putting a lot of meaning into doing things around the house. And that is how I think most people live. They attach joys to doing and accomplishing tasks in and out of the house. Before they know it, years have passed by and they are still living their life around doing things. I wonder what would happen if we didn’t do anything at all. What would a day be like if we just sat down on a beach and taken in the view of the blanket of sea as far as the horizon? What would happen if we just took off our shoes and felt the wet velvety sand with our toes. What would happen if we were just blissfully mindful of the space we occupy and the air we breath? If we didn’t have to do anything or go anywhere? If we didn’t have to pick a phone call or make one? If we didn’t have people waiting on us? If we didn’t have a 9-5 job which we hate but we can’t avoid? What would happen if we just lived?

I didn’t Pay for My Sleep This Week

It is 4 in the morning and I tried very hard to get an hour of sleep. In fact, this whole week I have struggled with getting any sleep but instead found myself watching Netflix or stuck in the dimension of You Tube Shorts for hours on end. Oh yes! This feels familiar: it is time for another one of my depressive episodes. How long is this gonna last? God knows, or the devil, Idk!

Looks like I didn’t pay for my sleep this past two weeks. OMG, it has already been that long. The thing about depression is that you can easily lose track of time, or your life! How else would you not if you slept only when it was day time and stayed up like the vampire that you are all through the night? Unless the whole world starts shifting working hours to after dusk and schools open at night time, life will pass you by whilst in this state. I just hope God will fight for me and with me this time. I hope whatever this is, God will stand by me and see me through. I let God do what only he can do!

Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey

Many times in my life I find myself thinking that we must be in hell. That this life is hell because it feels like torture most of the time. We somehow find ourselves get denied stuff we really need and desire and no matter how much we push on to survive, we are barely even doing that. Things get worse, wars break out, pandemics and natural disasters wipe us out, crazy inflation and the endless cases of depression make life unlivable. I know what that feels like: hell! Then how can this be any place other than hell itself, since it is in hell we are supposed to suffer?

On the other side, on those rare moments of my life, I notice a delicate, self-sustaining and loving system in nature. Rain comes down, the ground livens up and animals graze happily and endlessly on what seems like a forever stretch of green, lush grass. Day time is for action while night time is for recharging our batteries. If terrestrial nature is awesome wait until you watch the wonders in the sea and the deepest oceans of the world. Animals of all shapes and sizes, some even amazingly miraculous which could leave us baffled with awe. Walk by the sea shore during low tide, and pick up one shell and you will see God in the texture and patterns found on it. That is just a single shell. Imagine the force and genius behind every single thing ever seen or touched in the world and you will know that the original plan of whoever made these awesome things was pure love and bliss, so my question is what went wrong? Why does such a carefully and masterfully designed Earth feel like hell?

I will tell you. It is because of us! Yes, you heard me. We humans are the error in the system. We are the glitch, the virus that upsets the entire world. I know this sounds like I hate us but just imagine the Earth without us for just a second. Imagine the animal kingdom without us; it would thrive. The ecosystems and how much everything would have remained unadulterated, uncontaminated, unpolluted and harmonious without us in the picture is an unarguable fact. Without our dogmas, our greed, our water, soil and air pollution, our coal plants and inventions which demand the destruction of the planet in order to be sustained this whole world would have been in a better shape. Not to mention the social and religious systems we have created based on fear and survival. The animals we slaughter and force feed for milk, meat and coat. The utter disrespect we have for the sanctity of life is a slap of disappointment to whoever thought we would be a good addition to the creation of this world; G.o.d himself. No wonder he becomes more and more silent with each passing day, because I would be too had I been him. Imagine all the hard work and consideration which must have gone into the creation of the universe, and based on just a tiny sea shell, the mastery and intricate details that must have gone into that and then it all goes bust because of one species that thinks in order to survive, it has to destroy everything else. God must be too kind to let us live another day. He is too forgiving. If that were any of us, we would have taken care of the glitch in the system a long time ago. We would have uninstalled us from the system!

And it is not enough that we base our innovations on the destruction of the planet and its ecosystems, we also go as far as to enforce dogmas, come up with world orders and all types of manipulation to get power and control the world. We use currency to deprive others of sustenance freely given from the Earth as food by God. We draw lines in the ground to claim what we didn’t create, leaving most homeless and stateless. We deny others travel without a passport and visa as if we created the parts of the Earth from which we deny others free ingress. In order to grow in power we spread our influence across the world in the name of civilization and dictate that our way of living is the right way. We steal and take without asking in the guise of spreading the word of God and we move across the world to teach our language and we make the whole world believe in what we want. Anything else is unwelcome and barbaric. There won’t be any other way except our way!

Are you still not convinced that WE are the problem? So, no this Earthly life is not hell as I once thought, it is us humans who have turned a beautiful place into hell. It is us humans who are hell to this perfect Earth and everyone in it. I am sure as we speak, animals and oceans and everything else under the stars are petitioning or rather, have been petitioning to God to have us removed and annihilated. No wonder we have prophets talking about the judgment day and the last day and whatnot. We must go, period! How? God knows but we must go for the Earth to be safe! Sorry, I am not sorry!

Why Do We Date People?

We date people to find out who and what type of person we want and need in our life. There are so many characters in this world and if you are not careful, you may end up with the least compatible partner for life. In fact, I have noticed that men and women from my hometown date people and sometimes they may find that one person who is just so right in so many ways, but what happens next will shock you: They end up marrying a completely opposite person they just met and barely know.

Why do men and women from my hometown do this beats me. It beats the entire purpose of dating which is to find the one for you. That person is least likely to be a stranger you are meeting for the first time and seeing their photo for a first meeting, no. It is highly likely to be that person you have known for a while now and fought with and gotten back together for a couple hundred times. That is the person you can’t live without and you just made a huge mistake marrying anyone else but them.

It is for this reason I believe that dating is an important first step that will show you who is right. If in a couple months you find things you hate about the person, it is also dating that allows you the chance to avoid making a big mistake. Jump this step and you risk some horrid surprises after marriage. I personally date to find who I can stand and who I can’t. If someone is not a right fit I feel it right away because of my highly sensitive emotional radar I can tell on the face of it if we are going to get along or not. This helps me avoid so much, or it is going to help me do that since my past relationships have not been the best so far. But that was then and this is now. I am wiser today and more prepared to smell out anyone who is not the one.

And the question comes, “who is the one?” Well allow me to tell you.

My dream man is well-mannered, gentle, loves and appreciates the arts and creative pursuits of all types. He has a healthy relationship with money and focuses on his personal growth and is spiritually awakened. He is beautiful to look at and has a pair of the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I could get lost in them, that is how stunningly captivating they are. He loves to have fun and is respectful and kind to me. He loves animals and keeps a pet or two in his home. He enjoys nature and the beach so much so that he must spend time there regularly. He enjoys learning new things and has his own passion which he doesn’t neglect. He makes money alright but that is not the biggest thing on his mind because he understands how money truly works and inculcates gratitude in his daily life. He loves food and appreciates eating and dining out. He enjoys my company and I his and is physically attractive. We become best buddies and live our happy little life unbothered by the outside world. We make love, not war and look out for one another and still make each other feel valued and free to pursue their interests and other things. Ah I almost forgot! He doesn’t demand if he wants something but politely helps me to want to do it for him. He is far from being entitled and is helpful and reliable, thoughtful and kind.

My dream man is worth the wait. He is worth it. I will be patient and wait for him and I want him to know that he is so loved and cared for. He is my best friend and I love him so very much. Come soon into my life I will be waiting with open arms and a grateful heart. Love you!

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