What Life is Teaching me Today about Love

My lord, I don’t know what to do. I am angry on the inside. My mother demands  too much from me. I feel like my little sister thinks I hate her which is not true at all. I think of her and want the best for her but I don’t know why I am so angry all the time. My lord at this point just do what you want with me because I am tired of fighting to keep everyone pleased and happy.

I am tired of going out of my way to make others happy. At the end of the day out of a hundred  good things I do for others, they will focus on the one bad thing I have done. This one mistake will be so big and so amplified that it will render ineffective all the time and efforts I have put in to make others happy. This includes my family as well. I feel like the lesson here is I have to love myself and put myself first and foremost. Perhaps that is the lesson I have to learn in this lifetime. Every time I think I am wise enough and I know everything, life laughs in my face and shows me just how much growing and learning I have to do. It shows me just how much I don’t yet know. For example, I love my little sister so much and I go out of my way to make her feel loved and appreciated but when she disappoints me through her little annoying behaviors I can’t tolerate it because I expect a high standard of loyalty from her. I expect her to let it go when I am mad at her. Of course this is what I have been doing in my life and I guess that is why I have cut off so many people out of my life. It seems as if I am looking for something, some level of love and care which human beings are not capable of giving to me. This way I am disappointed every time someone I love lets me down. I amplify the action they ave done to catastrophic levels and I find myself dangerously heartbroken to the point of wanting nothing to do with the person anymore. Which makes me think, how will I be able to forgive and overlook the mistakes of my family and friends? What would happen if I demanded an impossible level of obedience and loyalty from my family every time I give them my love and affection? I think I am looking for an impossible type of love which is not possible for human relationships. I don’t think the problem on my side is love; the problem is in how I love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Start a Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: