The Frog Before the Prince

Dating is the most complex of all human interactions. In this world, the rules of practicality and logic are supposed to be non-existent. If one really observes the dating world, they will notice that it runs on almost an opposite paradigm than the one in other areas of life such as work, family and friendship. Anyone who has been in the dating scene will tell you that if you want to find love, you need to be more open-minded, more forgiving of things you would never forgive anywhere else, and most of all, more accepting and daring. While dating, the rigid independent and strong-willed career woman would need to shed her exterior for fear of making men run away. While there may be a few men who prefer wonder women, sadly most men prefer the homemaker. The homemaker is a woman who is sensitive to the man’s needs and moods, and knows how to make him feel better even on his worst days. She does not mind if she lets the man run her world and more so, whether she has any of hers left apart from her man’s. She will opt out of her dreams to raise her kids with all the attention and love she can master. She will forgive her man if he hits midlife crisis and goes after young girls his eldest daughter’s age. She will keep reminding herself that her family comes first and foremost-not logic, her dreams or her happiness. That right there, is the ideal woman every man secretly prays to have if they are not blatant enough to declare it unapologetically.

The dating scene will make you or break you, but mostly break you first several times in a row. I think that in every woman’s life, there are two most significant romantic relationships she will have. These are the kind that she will never forget because that is how impactful they will be to her life. One is with a man who will appear to be everything she has ever dreamed of. The ideal masculine whose voice will make her tremble and her knees buckle. This man will charm his way into her heart and mind and he will be all she thinks about day and night. She will love him too much to see what he truly is on the inside. She will commit the biggest sin in the world with him: she will love him more than she does herself. Gradually, this man will show his claws, one after another and for some time, she will refuse to believe what she sees. She will make excuses for his hot and cold, on and off behavior and will die a little more inside every day. When she has had enough of it, she will decide to move on but she will always find herself coming back again and again, for some more jabs at her now bleeding heart. She will notice that he brings out the worst in her, the anger, the depression, the negative thoughts and all the insecurities about her worth and self-image will surface. She will grow to hate him because she has to hurt her self-respect and self pride in order to stay with him. This inner conflict between choosing to either love herself or her evasive masculine will go on and on inside her in a fierce and unforgiving battle between her heart and her mind until one day, she will decide to love herself enough to walk away.

The second man in a woman’s life comes around that time you have healed from whatever it was which led you to meet the first man. You learnt to love yourself through the first man so you could be ready to receive the love you show to yourself from the second. This man will take his sweet time before he shows up in your life and that is why perhaps, I have not yet met him. He will come only after you have prepared yourself earnestly in anticipation. Once you have healed from all the trauma of the past relationship with the first man, and you no longer feel like your powerless old self again, that is when you will meet this man. He is said to bring out the best qualities you possess. Where you feel weak, he will reflect strength, where there is doubt , he will offer empowerment. This man is the person you have become, after many failed relationships with all their lessons. He will reflect the self love which you have cultivated in yourself. He may not make you tremble at the sound of his voice or make your heart explode when he is near, but he will definitely be reliable and right in so many ways you will stop counting.

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