Trust in the Unkown

I listened to Joel Osteen’s advice when he told me to be comfortable not knowing what will happen next in my life. Of course, this process of trusting blindly that things will work out in their perfect order, at the right time, and for your highest good always, is not very easy to believe. I myself, have had a tough time trusting in this process even with all the books I have read and the knowledge I have accumulated over a good period of time about the magical ways the universe can handle things. For example, lately, I have been feeling so lifeless and purposeless. I keep finding myself just doing things for the sake of them, and every day feels like a wasted opportunity to do wonderfully exciting things which for some reason, given the choices I have made, I am not able to do right now. It is really hard to wake up with only a quarter of the day left only to have nothing extraordinary to do except eat and binge-watch reality TV all night long. My life has been so lifeless and while I have been gentle with myself, talking myself to not feel guilt over the many days which have been thrown to the dust bin, I cannot help but feel hopeless.

Why am I feeling as if I am in someone else’s movie, living each day as that character who has no drive or purpose to wake up for, who sleeps all day and watches nonsense all night and does this on repeat for like forever? I want to feel alive. I want to wake up every day feeling over the moon about my to-do-list of awesome things I cannot wait to do. I want to live each day with the same passion and purpose as that of a man setting out to save the world. I wasn’t built for a mundane existence, apparently; a peaceful life lived doing the same things over and over again without any adventure or excitement could be the recipe for depression. I am depressed, not because I don’t have everything I want to be happy, but rather, I am missing a key ingredient which I cannot live without: passion and purpose.

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