Please Don’t read this you might get offended if you are male and married

I am trying to process my feelings with this post I hope you won’t mind. I am so frustrated right now with my life. Firstly, I just don’t understand why I have had to live alone most of my life when everyone else gets to have a family and a functional home to rely on. Secondly, I am puzzled that even after twenty seven years of my life, I am still single and alone. I understand that not everyone has a family, but they eventually grow up and get married and start one anyway. So why am I still miserably single and unmarried? I just don’t get it! This is just not any ordinary pressure of wanting to get married, no. There is more to this for me than that. I need to feel like I belong somewhere. The very fact that I have been deprived of a functional home and family meant that it was all I could ever think of having one day. It is like they say: we want what we cannot have or did not have. So why has marriage been so elusive? It is as if the more I want it, the further it runs from me.

Root Chakra

This whole not having a functional family thing has affected my root chakra and God knows how many others. I have felt insecure and unsafe almost always. The lack of a reliable home and family meant that I felt vulnerable and exposed. I have been feeling as if I don’t belong anywhere which is the scariest feeling for anyone to have. Imagine how a kitten feels separated from its mummy and stuck in a filthy gutter on a cold rainy day. That is pretty much what it feels like to be me on my worst days. I cannot live like this any longer. Something has got to give. What should a girl do to settle down and have her own family? Are there any serious guys left who are committed to start a life with a girl like me? I am tired of being in complicated relationships where I am the infamous third stick in the mud. Meaning no offence to anyone, I am tired of married losers who are too miserable to stay faithful to their wives but too cowardly to do anything about it. If I could, I would make sure no married loser ever lays their eyes on a girl they cannot protect and commit to. I am thoroughly disgusted by them and wish they would stop ruining our lives.

Getting back on the subject, my root chakra needs grounding and stability. I believe this can only be achieved if I start to feel like I am part of a group or a community. I have achieved so much up until now and I am so grateful to God and to everyone for supporting me, however, I cannot stop feeling like something gigantic is missing in my life. The fact that I am single and alone overshadows every important milestone I have worked hard to cross. Nothing else ever matters anymore. All I can think about and feel is my loneliness and misery as I wonder what could be so wrong with me or the world for my husband to take this long to show up in my life. Where could he be seriously? When is he coming? I am so pissed right now I could punch the keys off of my keyboard.

If my husband ever does show up, he has a lot of explaining to do. I have been stood up by him for what feels like eternity and I am done waiting! In the meantime, can you hand me my sword so I can slice the faces of these married losers who cannot stop swarming my way. No offense to any married guy who reads my post. I just don’t want to be played by anyone who is married. There should be a special place in hell for people like that.

Meditation of Love and Forgiveness-Ho’opnopono

I am Sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

Ho’opnopono

There is something in this world which responds beautifully to these four words: I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. Speak them often to yourself and to absolutely anything else in your life, and watch as stuff start to change for the better. They say you need to at least do this meditation for 21 days to see the results. I am on day I don’t know but it has been several days now and I am already feeling much better overall.

This powerful meditation has an equally powerful story behind it. A psychiatrist used this healing meditation on a group of hopeless and dangerous lunatics with criminal records whom no doctor could treat and had been left in an abandoned ward and they all ended up fully healed and well. I must say, it was hard to believe at first, given that they are just simple words with no extraordinary meaning to them, however, I have come to realize that they could be life-changing if felt with the heart! They are capable of healing your unresolved traumas, your inner child, your stormy relationships and your negative thought patterns.

Love is healing and so is gratitude. That is why I think the two words, I love you and thank you in this meditation stand out to me the most. Interestingly, this world seems to have been built around a certain wavelength which reacts to any expression of gratitude. For example, if you were to say thank you everyday for everything you have, you would notice that everything else you wanted before keeps on coming to you effortlessly. The more gratitude you show, the more things keep showing up for you to be grateful for. It is a code which responds directly proportional to your level of gratitude.

The miracles this Ho’oponopono meditation could unravel are infinite. I believe only when you have used it to heal yourself and others with whom you have had a falling out, will you be able to see the benefits this meditation holds. Even then, you wouldn’t have seen everything it has to offer you unless you are willing to try it on absolutely anything and everything.

Talking of experimenting, I saw a video where a woman was saying these words to money she was holding in her hands. She spoke to the money as if it was alive and for once I think we could have the answer to solving all our world problems such as poverty, food insecurity, epidemics and wars. Imagine if the whole world were to practice this meditation with intention to alleviate all the disasters mankind has had to endure throughout generations! I believe the world would become heaven itself! Let’s Ho’oponopono our way into 2022, shall we?

A Snail Coming out of her Shell- self love and Pampering

I got a new hair cut and let some stranger play on my face with her smooth fingers, which seemed to have a life of their own, gliding about all over my face, nose and all!

I have not been too nice to myself and this simple act of self care made a mountain of difference to my self esteem. Please like this Insta post of me finally enjoying my own image in the camera and conquering my fear of being camera shy and feeling a little if not a lot ugly! Thank you for being part of my journey in this lifetime. I love you so much!

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYD1KWJFESMF1OYT5mBqFyhLVLt11Cil-6opQQ0/?utm_medium=copy_link

Love Bombs

I have been seeing random people on YouTube commenting some very motivating messages of love and happiness to everyone who reads them. I was very impressed by how smart these people are who use the law of attraction to their advantage by sending love out to the world, knowing for sure that the same love would come back to them. So, like the good student I am(of anything non-legal and non- numerical), I find myself going on the comments section of the videos on my feed and randomly wishing whoever may read my comment warm hugs and kisses.

Here is what I have to say about my little experiment. Something is happening to me. I find myself more willing to compromise and meet others half way, whereas before I would strongly hold onto my opinions for dear life. I am also friendlier, chattier and more social especially with my family with whom I have been having a difficult time getting along. Things are looking up for me and all I did was send out love to random people on social media. I testify that this works and you should try it too. Had I known this a long time ago, I would have been happier and healthier a great many years before now. Happy love bombing!

A Bowl of Mixed

I love to see trees so alive with shades of emerald and forest green. I keep thinking to myself how those carefree birds must feel flying about the trees speaking and chatting among themselves, clearly all cheery and delightful to enjoy such lush and peaceful surroundings. What it must feel to fly and take in the view of beautiful vegetation so inviting and magnetic as they branch outwards as if to give you a hug.

On the other side of the field, goats cannot be happier as they graze to their heart’s satisfaction. An endless carpet of tasty and juicy grass is just waiting to be eaten-and we are waiting to eat the goats for Christmas. Does this thought make me happy? Not in the least bit. Well, what does that make me- someone who had just ordered and downed a hot and delicious bowl of goat soup! A specimen of mixed emotions.

Did God create goats for us to eat and if he did, why would he care to create so much grass and bring down rain to make it bountiful and fresh. This simple act of caring for the goats in this intimate way makes me confused as to whether we are supposed to kill and eat animals. To be honest, I don’t know why I am feeling this way I have never been a vegetarian not for a single day of my life… You know what? Just forget I said anything. This post does not exist.

The Secret

If you want to live longer, make your life more about others than yourself. This is the secret to getting everything you want from life. It is not about what you get, it is about what you will do for the good of your community, family, friends, peers, or even animals and trees. Something in this world should need you in some way or another, for you to exist at all!

Let me make this simpler to understand with some examples of my own.

There was this one moment I was in my room minding my business and a fellow student across the hall from me had this really bad cough. From the sound of it, she wasn’t getting any better. One night, I woke up to the thunderous sounds coming from her chest as if it was trying to light some sort of fire inside of her lungs. I was concerned. I remember waking up the next day with one thought in mind, “How can I be of help to her?” I put the question out to the universe like the self-help books say and waited. I wondered how I was going to help her and still stay anonymous. I am not in the best place or time to entertain any thoughts of socializing and would pretty much wish to remain a hermit, at least, for the next several months. I looked around my room at what I had and found these chocolate chip and coconut cookies which I somehow forgot were even there and packed a few packets of those. I also added a few bananas, an apple and an orange for some much needed vitamins to boost her immunity. Mind you, I have never met this girl. She was a total stranger to me but that shouldn’t stop me or anyone of you from caring now, should it? I had to be creative with the delivery and then remembered a game we used to play as kids-tiptoeing up to a stranger’s home and knocking on the door, only to take off running for our lives, never to be seen again! I thought to myself, “Well, this should do the trick!”. I left the package outside her door, knocked ever so hurriedly and vanished into thin air. This was the most exciting thing I ever did, second only to that time I went go karting and slammed on the accelerator until I hit the rails. Apart from that, it was the feeling of satisfaction which washed over me, when I heard her, from behind my door, come out to pick the package I left for her which made this entire experience extraordinarily enlightening. I was over the moon!

After that day, I would constantly be monitoring to check if her cough improved, by paying attention to how severe her cough sounded. I would also spend the rest of several days later, with her wellbeing in my mind. Once I even bought her Strepsils, thinking her throat might be sore from all that coughing. I did all this without us ever meeting. This simple act of kindness became a profound experience which made me convinced that we exist to serve others. The books I have been reading have been true all along. I exist today because someone needed me to. We all exist because someone or something wished for there to be someone like us in this world.

After experiencing this, I feel obliged to share it with the world. To let you know that if you want to succeed in life, live for others. Find something or someone to live for. It could be your neighbor, your cat, your local shelter, your government, your family, or it can also be a simple thing like giving food to the ants in your house(I know what this looks like but ants got to eat, too) or letting that hungry mosquito have a tiniest bit of blood for its dinner( I know what you are thinking, but just imagine if mosquitoes were human size, they would have annihilated us by now but because they are so considerate, they did us all a favor by being this tiny. Are we to be so selfish after that and deny them teeny weeny droplets of our blood which we have plenty of and starve them to death?) because here is the secret, we are all connected as one. You cannot hate or judge, you can only love and serve. That is the secret to live a happy and full life!

Not Like Any Story You have ever heard before

Credit: mysteriousuniverse.org

Once upon a time, long before we came to this world, we existed as souls without bodies. Somewhere in a world without physical matter, we lived among each other, going whenever we wanted without any restrictions of time or space, we did not need to eat or drink in order to live, simply giving and receiving love was enough to sustain us and keep us going. This world, in which our soul selves lived was harmonious and peaceful, everything was perfect, maybe, too perfect…Until someone decided we should venture into a more restrictive, more incumbered way of existence, and that is when we assumed these costumes we call our bodies, to come here and live mundane lives.

If everything was so great where we came from, why would we leave to come here? I mean no offence, but seriously speaking, this is not the most accommodating place now, is it? There are wars everywhere: wars against health , fresh air, rivers and lakes and other water bodies, forests and fireflies, hills and valleys and everything else natural and beautiful. There is such a sustainable chaos in this physical realm which never fails to deliver. It is the type you find in the supermarkets as buy one get one free. Such beautiful chaos. Why would anyone come here?

I will tell you why! Just like the adorable fluffy little things humans call cats, our curiosity got the better of us. Our world was way too flawless for our taste. We wanted to experience a little bit of painful constipation after having a bowl of ramen noodles (all those ropey noodles twisting and turning in our gut should do it alright), indigestion, because we are hungry little monsters who have never had to eat before and we seem to swallow without chewing or else we die, sex, which we have put more meaning to it than necessary and made it out to be more than it needs to be really (I mean there is nothing remotely attractive about two grown ups in their sound mind rocking back and forth against each other in disgruntled moans like a couple of confused loon bins- like seriously, are you in pain? Can I help you? Is the more appropriate response).Then, lest we forget, there is the good old dancing. It amazes me how ridiculous we can make ourselves look. Anyhow, after seeing that it is not all roses and cotton candy, word is , we are thinking of going back and leaving this theatre of mediocrity behind. Except, to our horror, we can’t! Why you ask? Well, in our excitement to come here, we forgot to leave anyone behind to turn that goddamn recycling human body machine thingy off. Now we are stuck here, dying and coming back over and over again and just like we wanted, every time we come back, we don’t even remember who we are and live by different identities all over the world(now, isn’t that exciting). And that idiot Sam had to entice us to experience life as animals too. Just imagine how enlightened we will become! He had said. Well, Sam, if I could just get my hands on you somehow. Only if I knew where you were and who you had become. At least, it would bring me joy if I knew you were in someone’s toilet as a cockroach! That should definitely enlighten you and give you some of that shitty perspective you so much wanted!

That time of the month when you crave a bit of horror

I am the last person in the world who should watch horror. My imagination runs from me and I believe my brain is notorious for sucking up the scariest scenes from any horror movie I watch and storing it for use later- yes, to torture me sleepless for at least several years if not decades. In spite of this knowledge, I have those days where I throw caution to the wind and brave myself to watch anyway. The problem is though, when I do decide to take the plunge, I want it to be the best horror with the most terror possible!

I scroll through Netflix, thinking to myself, “This site is not gonna do it for me”. It feels like a whole year has passed as I scroll through the list of movies and feeling disappointed at the lack of the right level of terror I was looking for and, just when I was about to give up and return to binge watch Spartacus, my eye catches a glimpse of “The Old Ways” and I smile. Gotcha!

Credit: Netflix

It was divinely perfect, it had just the scary and intrigue I was looking for. Scary, one-eyed and mysterious old lady, check. Beautiful damsel in distress, check. A bone-chilling cave as the backstory of the year, check. Goose bump-inducing monstrous drawings, check. It was like the all-you-can-eat buffet after I have fasted for a week. Need I say more?

Credit: Netflix
Credit: Netflix
Credit :Netflix

Credit: Netflix

Needless to say, after quenching my thirst for horror, I am now left thoroughly horrified and my mind, well, it is thinking of all the sinister ways it can use what I saw against me. Pray for me please!

You Are Not Alone

Even if it seems otherwise, you are not alone in this world. You didn’t come here, to this 3D world, by yourself. Each one of us has a keeper, and you can call it however you want: God, higher self, divine guide, guardian angel or whatever else tickles your fancy. For it is not the label that matters, on the contrary, intention is everything.

I looked back at my life and I couldn’t help but feel sad because I felt so alone. I had to do everything by myself. People around me seemed to not want to invest their time to help me do anything. I grew up mostly by myself and had to rely on myself to get anything done. Be it admission into school, applying for my passport, Id, tarmacking for jobs, going for interviews, searching for places to stay or big things like choosing my career, what I will cook for Eid, where I will go for vacation, absolutely everything, I had to do it myself. I know some people probably wish they had this freedom and independence, everything, if done in excess, is not good for our health and wellbeing. I crave the feeling of being helped around by someone who cares about me with just the right amount of concern, not bordering on clinginess and overprotectiveness, though. I wish I could live each day, knowing at the back of my mind that my world would not collapse if I did not wake up for a week, because I decided to take a break from doing anything. I wish, just like my friends, I had helicopter parents who always made sure I had everything I needed, and would go out of their way to accompany me to my interview, or take me to apply for my first job, or help me pick my husband, or gift me my eid dress. Life has indeed been a lonely place.

After all the pity I could spare for myself in a single lifetime, I stopped to think, wiping my tears away, “But wait Zeinab, you were never really, truly alone were you?” Something or some invisible force was always there with me, seeing me through the worst storms of my life, giving me courage to keep going and to never give up. Something was always watching over me, guiding me through my intuition, to follow a path which always somehow turned out to be the best thing I ever experienced. This fact, has made me convinced beyond any doubt, that we are never alone…not really. I am where I am today, because, even if the whole world was too busy to care, this part of me-this invisible force- was always there, heavily invested in my life, watching out for me, sending opportunities of growth and progress my way, making the unbearable, bearable, and never leaving my side not even once. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know its name, but today, right now, I want to thank it from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for always guiding me. Thank you that everything I need I seem to get, easily, without any resistance. I am grateful and so happy. I feel blessed.

Excuses Begone! How To Change Lifelong, Self- Defeating Thinking Habits by Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer challenges all of us in his book Excuses Begone when he called our attention to the many excuses we have used to justify why we are choosing to remain stuck in unhappy, unfulfilled and miserable situations. excuses like: it is too difficult, I cannot afford it, there will be family drama, I am not smart enough among others have been our scapegoats to run away from taking responsibility for our own lives and actually changing them for the better.

Remember all the things which you have been postponing until now? The dream you have had for like forever, but which only remained pigments of imagination at the back of your mind but was never materialized because of one excuse or another? How about that habit you just cannot shake off, which both you and I know is not doing you any good and needs to go right now? That can of soda you must have every day or a boss you cannot refuse? These and many others are excuses which according to Dr. Wayne, we have allowed to infiltrate our lives and make us helpless.

Where do excuses come from?

Dr. Wayne opens our eyes to an astonishing truth: that indeed everything that is wrong with us comes from those things and people who surround us in our environment. He testifies that in the life of every adult person, lies a series of ideas which they absorbed from hearing what others think and say about money, for example, there being not enough of it, or abut health, there being so many ways someone can get sick, or for example, in my case, about people, there being no genuine person left on this otherwise beautiful earth. it is these ideas which have become like mind viruses, encroaching on all our dreams and sense of self worth and determination to realize those dreams. He gave an example, where if someone grew up poor, he heard from his parents how money is hard to come by, and it is through this lens he grows up to see the world. This man, no matter how much his financial state improves later in life, he still lives with fear that at any time, he could lose it and be back in poverty again. In some instances, he could feel like he does not deserve to enjoy so much money or feel like he cannot afford the lifestyle he wants and dreams of.

So how does anyone break their habit of excuses?

Dr. Wayne says, with a little bit of passion for your dreams, and imagination, you can break any old habit of thinking which has been harming you until now. He also mentions that our false sense of self, or what we call ego, is the root cause of the many excuses we give ourselves, and if one were to awaken to their higher sense of self, the god within, then all excuses would vanish. Therefore, Dr. Wayne recommends letting go of our egos, and living a spiritually-attuned lifestyle, where we practice self awareness and consciousness so we can get ahead and leave our excuses behind. Most importantly, it is through believing in our divineness, that we are divine beings i.e. souls with a body and not a body with a soul, that we can transcend any limitations brought about by our upbringing, genes, subconscious programming or our environment. To sum up, it is by living a spiritual life where we are in harmony with god within and without, and are driven not by selfish egos, but by selfless compassion for others, can we really live excuse-free lives. And I agree with him 100%.

Thank you note

Thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer for the teachings in your book. I am blessed to have been your student and send you, wherever your soul may be right now, immense energies of love and gratitude for your timeless teachings which will live on and on forever. Thank you so much for having made your life purpose and passion, our growth and evolution into better human beings through your books and lectures. Thank you!

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