Sometimes, You just Need to Get Out!

I believe there are some places in the world that are bad for you. When you find out that is the case, the best thing you could do is to move. Most times, people don’t make it when they stay in their place of birth. The place where you were born and grew up might be your home, but did you know that it could also become your sinkhole?

I have seen people get into a cycle of problems, like a twisted maze that is endlessly turning. No exit , no room to breath. I have seen the same people improve their lives the moment they step out of their home. Sometimes, all we need to do is take that first step, that blind leap of faith into the unknown in order to experience freedom and happiness. Let nobody tell you that you can only have what you were born with. You can have absolutely everything and anything you want. Just get out of your own limitations and behold what the world will deliver to you!

Not My Jam But Here I am!

It began with an invitation. A harmless group of girls and firm mates in my class wanted to hang out and “put the face to the voice,” as they called it. Since I joined law school, we have only heard each others’ voices over teams so everyone was eager to meet. But I wasn’t!

Four months ago, I made a decision that would change my life. I decided, after waging several coup de tats over my will, passion and everything I was, to go back to school. This is no ordinary school mind you, it is Law School; that final race to the finish line of becoming a practicing advocate of the High Court of Kenya.

To every other lawyer, Law School is not only expected but accepted. To me, how do I put it? Let me just say, I was prepared to get cast away to a small island in the middle of the Indian ocean where the only source of food was coconuts, than to have to go to hell, I mean, Law school!

So believe me when I tell you that it had to take a pretty desperate, no-choice-but-to-go-back-to-school kind of a situation, to make me acquiesce.

Everything was all well and good the first few months, since learning was online( thanks to Covid, but no thanks) and I did not have to leave my comfort zone to move two cities away just for the sake of school. I was trying to avoid having to surrender familiar surroundings, for a cold stranger’s land, in the middle of a rich suburb, that had no compassion for poor students living in subsidized student hostels. Honestly, the fact that I would have to live with only two options for food for a year:Maizemeal and ramen, was only an excuse. The real reason I wanted to stay home was deeper than that; I have a hard time accepting change. I fear the worst. Always.

If I was that apprehensive of change, why am I bowling with strange girls and having so much fun?(I was the champion of the day).The old me would do everything possible to avoid hanging out with the girls. She would rather spend Sunday alone in her hostel room, trying to think why at 27, she is still single and miserable as hell( and also wondering if it is not too late to leave everything and go back home. The world is brimming with lawyers, one less wouldn’t kill the profession!).

So, long story short, four months later, as I write this piece, I am happily housed at the student hostels in the school , which I previously dreaded with my heart and soul. I find this whole experience very exciting, the city, everything I have wanted and dreamt about. If the Law of Attraction had a home in Kenya, this would be it! This is the land of manifestation of desires, angel numbers, signs and synchronicities. I am not alone. I am not a stranger. I am home. And this is where I want to be for the rest of my life!( And yes, I love bowling!)

Husseyn- That Time of the Year When We Are Reminded this World is Shit

Yes, you heard me right! This world, the one we love so much more than anything, is shittier than shit shit.

Why? You ask. Well, it is in this world where thousands die each day because of war, starvation or disease. Millions of lives are lost through violence and tyranny. Greed of those with power against those without;stealing the only bottle of water a community survives on, when you got a whole lake!

The tragedy of Karbala challenges my greed. It is the greed for comfort, luxury, riches and money, yes, lots and lots of money. If God or the universe or my highest self or whoever, gives me the gift of life, I want food. Just when I somehow manifest three meals a day just fine, I start to think if only I could have enough money to buy furniture. When a new set of sofa arrives, I look at my 32 inch TV and wish I could own a bigger one, so I ùcould at least enjoy showing it off to my friends when they drop by my place. Assuming I somehow get everything I want, there is still going to be something I wish I had had, if only I could get a spouse to share these things with, if only I could afford an overseas vacation with my family, if only I could own designer bags and shoes. If , if , if….

It never stops. Try and tell me. Tell me when you can say that you are so satisfied with everything in your life right now, such that if a genie shows up with three wishes for you, you would pass them up!

So where does Husseyn come in all of this? Husseyn, like Jesus, was ready to give up his life and that of his family for his conviction. He believed, he stood by it and he died for it alongside the rest of his family and a 6 month old baby. He dared to slap each one of us and our greed for material possessions and comfort and shamed everybody for wanting to go on living with our only motivation being ourselves.

Every year, for ten days, I am reminded of why buddha chose a life in the mountains and not in the city. Everyday for ten days, I think if this world is really worth anything, why do good people suffer and bad ones win? I think if this world was everything, why is everything in it so messed up? If one part of the world thrives, another falls to ruins. If a group of powerful countries rise, they leave even more countries in shambles under their feet. I want to know if this world, this life, really is worth everything we have put in them. I would love if someone assured me that if I could have everything I want, I could live the rest of my life enjoying it without having to fall sick, or get bankrupt, or get raped, or killed in an accident or die in one way or another. Can someone promise me that? I don’t think so! If that is the case, why would anyone want to love this place and never want to leave?

I Created My Husband

Everyone at some point in their life goes through a “Who will I marry? When will I meet the one?” crisis( trust me, ask the tarot readers they will tell you it is true). Just like midlife crisis for men and menopause for women, this rather depressing phase of our life could drag on for what seems like forever, making us question whether God of Happy-Ever-After was even getting our incessant applications for that perfect soulmate in the first place, or he just doesn’t even have the time to see them, because he is too busy orchestrating happy endings for everyone else, except for us!

Ping Ponging between our exes remains the only option albeit the least attractive one, but what could a girl do? Netflix has run out of good tv and self-pleasing is not fun anymore( my clitoris is screaming for ceasefire, she is falling apart, she is threatening to file a domestic abuse complaint with the Clitoris Police). Little does anyone know, Mr. Right just cannot be one of our exes. They are exes for a reason!

So how does a girl get married? What is the name of the store which sells husbands? How much does a 6 feet tall, blue-eyed, Henry cavill look-alike cost?

Since Heavenly Mail is on lockdown, and all my tear-filled prayers to God have been stamped “Return To Sender”, I am now convinced more than ever that praying is not going to be the way that does it for this girl, and maybe, it is this very state of hopelessness, which drove me to a very crazy idea: What if I could C.R.E.A.T.E my husband?

Bob Proctor in one of his videos mentioned that as spiritual beings in an energy-filled universe, we hold the power to manifest that which we desire through acting as if we already have it. So if applied correctly, this method uses feelings, a hypothesis invented by Neville Goddard in his book, Feeling Is the Secret which explains that you could create your circumstances of choice by feeling as if you were already living in them. This includes people, too. So as Proctor would detail it for us, you need to start seeing the person of your dreams in your mind’s eye, talk and act as if he is right there beside you. For this to really work, you need to of course, start with a face, the colour of his eyes, his smile(and those dimples), his hair, his height, complexion and frame. The next step would be to give him a name( of course, come on). All this sounds easy right? No big deal! Well that is not all you have to do… it gets a little bit spooky and downright cray cray from here on out!

Living with a ghost is more like it. If I remember correctly, Proctor said you have to sleep with him, set a side a space with his pillow beside you on the bed, talk to him as if he is really there, ( talk of the imaginary boy in the movie, the Conjuring),basically, all the stuff you would normally do with your partner.The key is to get your imagination going, but not too far, I hope.

Playing God does have its perks. You get to choose how he looks like, make him just the way you would want him to be, just the way you like your pizza or birthday cake! Delicious and mouth watering, and no matter how many times you have had them, you just can’t have enough! I wish this works, because here is a little secret, I just bought a cauldron for this magic mix and I can’t wait to stir! The final product is blue-eyed like Hamoa beach of Maui, is tall and oh so handsome! Abracadabra!

Why Oh Why?

I why is this reality an illusion? Why does everything I see and touch seem so real? Why is it called reality if it is unreal? Is my cat not real? Is the bed I am sitting on not real? Is this phone I am holding in my hands not real?

If the physical is but a manifestation of the spiritual, doesn’t it mean we have all been duped? Or we duped ourselves? Why lie to us that this world and everything we perceive with our senses is everything there is? Why make us believe we live to die? Why make a joke out of our existence?

The real world is not tangible. It is made of energy, colours and waves. Beautiful,dancing, colourful rainbows. What color are you? I am emerald!

Why give us two eyes on the front of our face only to see an illusion, but only give us one unseen eye on our forehead, which we forgot we even have?

Why lie to us that we are powerless, when we hold the power to create the world? Why let us forget this fact, and make us helpless ducks?

I wish we could remember who we truly are? I wish everyone saw their true image when they looked in the mirror, past the flesh and bones. I wish we take back our power to create the life we want. I wish we stopped believing, that there is something we can pray to, to help us!

I Surrender

Why surrender to fate?


This is the word that echoes in the depths of my mind whenever I contemplate how peaceful surrender is. This is an Arabic word, from the book The Alchemist , meaning “already written”. If everything is already written about our life, why bother worry about anything at all?

If our death was decided upon even before our birth, aren’t we just actors, playing out a script at the director’s command? Is life really just another movie, novel, or play? Should we all just give up fighting and surrender control over our life, since characters can’t really dictate how a story goes, it goes how the writer perceives? If this is the case, who is this writer and can I meet them?

Is God the writer/director?

Ever since I was awakened to the belief of angel numbers, the universe and the law of attraction, I have always been conflicted about the place and role of God, especially, Allah, in all of that. Is Allah the Source? Could He have been arabized in the Quran and interpreted in prophet Muhammed’s eyes and background? Or is Allah a God for Arabs? Why was there Jesus? If Jesus is the son of God because he came from the spirit of God, aren’t we all sons and daughters of God then, because if God is the source of all life, he should be in all of us, making us all gods? This is all so confusing! I am still trying to make sense of everything and connecting the dots wherever I see any link.

For example, Islam means surrender, especially, surrendering to the will of God. Surrender is the Bible of law of attraction, meaning Islam could not be so far from this law. For those who don’t believe surrendering should mean that everything is fated, I still have a theory for you. Let us say surrender means trusting that a higher power knows what is best for you and if you have faith, it will lead you to everything you need that is for your highest good. This theory still applies to what I have learned about the universe where it is believed that each one of us exists as a higher form of self which is always looking out for us and knows what we want and has all the answers which we can tap into through our intuition or inner voice. Except in Islam, instead of a higher form of self, there is a separate God called Allah. However, I say separate with a pinch of salt, because in the Quran, Allah has declared many times that he is closer to each one of us than the jugular vein in our necks. In some instances He declares that He knows everything from the depths of the deep oceans to the falling of a leaf. My question is, for any power to know everything everywhere, doesn’t it mean that He has to be one and the same as everything and everywhere? He is the leaf that falls, the ant that crawls, the ocean with all its depths and deeps? Now, looking at what I have learned about Source being the essence from which all life is manifested in the universe, where we as humans, birds, bees, trees, fish , everything is a manifestation of the Source , this shows just how strikingly similar, these two beliefs are. 

How Giving Could Change Your Life

Give and you shall receive, written somewhere in the Bible.

Every religion has talked of giving as a guarantee of receiving. You not only receive the amount you give, but it doubles and triples in ways which could amaze and shock you!

Buddha Power bracelet

Buddha power bracelet

So I recently bought this buddha power feng shui bracelet which is supposed to make you receive so much money and miracles, so much so that your life could change into the life of your dreams.

Excitedly, I went on a hunt for all the information I could find about the amazing powers of this bracelet. One of the biggest conflict was in which hand you were supposed to wear it. One particular youtuber explained how when she wore it on her right hand, which is her active hand, she spent so much money she kept on giving it away. Once she realized this, she changed to her left hand, and cannot believe how much money keeps on coming to her from unexpected places.

I unboxed my bracelet and for the first time I put it on my right hand. I was amazed at how shiny the bracelet was and was curious about the writings on the black obsidian beads. I then found out they were a mantra for peace and spiritual ascension.

Why Spending Is not so bad

So I don’t know whether it was just my mind but when I put on my bracelet I would spend and give away money. I put it on my right hand. I started believing what the woman in that youtube video was saying. But before I thought about switching hands, I said to myself, “Wait! Isn’t the point to give so you can receive?” Nobody is wrong for thinking that only when you give without fear of not having enough, can you really truly receive without fear of running out! So it makes so much sense that the right way to wear the bracelet is on the right hand because it is guaranteed by the universe that you will receive when you give.

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