There is no short cut to life. To live you must learn and in doing so you grow. I am the queen of swords. For those who don’t know what this means it is a card in tarot showing a queen holding a sword. She looks sharp in all her ways. Sharp-tongued, is one of her famous traits. She cuts with her words, is straightforward and frank like the colourless glass. She leaves no room for anyone to guess what she means. Where is her softness? Where is her heart? What happened to her warmth? Her femininity? What happened to this queen for her to take up the sword and defend herself from all those who come close, too close for her comfort?
I am this queen. It comes as a shock to me because my nature is warm and soft-spoken. It clashes with my self-image of being a very loving person with lots of love and warmth to give to the world. What happened to me in the past that I must stay alone and keep others at bay? Why won’t I allow myself to connect with others? Did someone hurt me? Did something break my trust in others? Was it the lack of love and warmth in my childhood? Was it the heart-breaking relationships?
Trust me when you look at me, you will likely misjudge me. Which means, how I have become on the outside is a sharp contrast to my true inner self. My soul wants to connect with others. It craves for social networking and meeting new people. It wants to relish in every experience and travel the world. Most importantly it does not want to hide but rather, to be heard. How come my personality and exterior are so isolated and sharp? How do I tell the queen of swords to go take a break? How can my soul come forth and express itself freely without fear of judgement or ridicule? How do I allow myself to connect and welcome others into my life? How do I give those who did me dirty, second chances?How do I forgive?
Today I confirmed my status as the queen of swords. Tears would not stop racing down my cheeks, as I begged to whoever was listening to free me from my prison. A prison I did not know I was in. I begged to heal my heart . It must have been dead all this time. It must have cried and cried for help in its last moments but finally gave up and died. “Help me.” Can I bring it back to life? “Please help me, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want to keep others away. I don’t want to hold grudges against anyone anymore. I don’t want to cut others off because they disappointed me or let me down. Please help me express my innermost nurturing and accommodating self to the world. Please, please!”
I came to this world to learn to connect and forgive others by loving them without judging them and giving them second chances when they hurt me. What did you come to this world to learn?Comment below.