An Epiphany

I met someone today. She talked about a lot of things, but what caught my attention was when she started saying how she was a manager and majored in economics, only to find out her true happiness was in environmental advocacy and fighting for the rights of mangroves! Several years later, here she was, seated right across from me, in the opposite side of the world, with a proposal in her hand about mangroves conservation.

My guest with her captivating blue eyes is a brave woman indeed! She made her choice to leave everything behind in the peak of her career to pursue her passion! There was an instant bond formed between us inspired by our common stance. It was as if I was meeting a heroine of all young women trapped in unhappy careers and thinking of quitting to chase after their passions.

If you have been following my blogs, you would know that I have been unhappy in my job and have been thinking of jumping off of the boat of boredom that has become my job and into the sea of a meaningful and rewarding life doing stuff I enjoy. I had been standing on the edge of the dock thinking to jump or not to jump and meeting my friend today was the nudge I needed to make the jump!

I let my guest indulge me with her story. She said, “I knew early on that I wanted to become an environmental rights activist and work for Greenpeace, but my family was concerned about the fact that I would not make enough money or that if I did economics, my career would be more secure and promising.”

What a striking resemblance to my situation.I am not alone! I thought to myself.I remember when growing up, I knew I wanted to talk to people, to heal them and help them. This explains why I had a keen interest in human behavior and understanding why people act and behave the way they do. I would also read books on child psychology and discuss with my family how I think my childhood should have been during my development years, how I could trace the struggles I face today, all the way back to my childhood!

I come from a family that battles mental health problems and I never really understood why I had to grow up like that, when my friends had healthy childhood experiences with healthy normal family members!My childhood and environment caused me so much suffering not to mention the effects they had on my mental health. It becomes increasingly difficult when you don’t know what is wrong with you or your family, why you cannot maintain healthy relationships with others, why you find it difficult to fit in, why you cannot cope and why you spiral into depression and hopelessness way too easily, every time you encounter life problems.

Now I know why I had to go through all of that. If I look at it, everything makes sense. In order to understand the pain of others, I needed to have gone through the same pain. If I were to apply the theory that nothing in life is an accident and that all our lives are planned to serve our highest purpose, I would say that my purpose is standing out clearer than crystal right now, than it ever was before! It is my destiny to help others lead normal and healthy lives inspite of their mental health conditions.

My advice to anyone who is wondering what their purpose is in life, I urge you to pay close attention to your inclinations. Listen closely to your soul and observe your life journey, in all the confusion and the pain, you may just be lucky enough to find out the meaning behind it all. Your heart and mind already know what it is you came to contribute in this world, all you need to do is listen!

Granted, sometimes it might take us longer to realize our purpose in life. And sometimes, you have to suffer to get there. For me, it took depression, anxiety, panic attacks, inabiltiy to cope, overwhelming emotions and unhealthy relationships and a broken family for you it could be an accident, the passing of a loved one, an illness or a break up, take your pick, but in the end you will always find meaning behind all of the suffering you went through. And when that life-altering moment comes, just know you will have solved two of life’s biggest puzzles: One is now you know what your dream job should be about, and two, everything you have been through finally makes sense!

A Tribute to Joel Osteen

If I met Joel Osteen I would tell him this:

Thank you Joel for being the first person in the world to help me expect great things from life. Thank you for your words of encouragement and positive expectation. I was lucky to have found your videos and I remember one in particular which changed my life. The video was about declaring God’s Favour. You said every day we should declare that we have the favour of God. Instead of being hopeless during problems, you convinced me to speak favour over every important area of my life. Joel, you said I have favour, that I need to declare that everything is working out for my highest good even when I cannot see it, even when it does not seem so. However, I find it difficult to stay in the state of positive expectation for a long period of time, when I start to lose hope and wonder to myself for how long am I going to stay in this hell, that has persisted despite my efforts to manifest a new life?

Joel, I want to ask you, how can I remain positive in the midst of all of these problems? How do I maintain my smile when nothing seems to change and when I am still stuck against all the odds of my life?

Joel, more than any other time, I need you right now. To tell me to never give up. To urge me to believe things will change despite how they look right now.

Am I doing something wrong with my life? Is there something I need to change? Is the problem me or is it something else? How do I attract the wonderful life that I am dreaming of? In the meantime, as I wait for this hell to pass, how do I stay positive?

The Good Place

I grew up believing that hell was this awful place bad peope are tossed into by God for sinning in this life. This place should be somewhere far, far away, a place which could only be seen after someone has died. I am starting to think I was grossly misinformed.

Hell is real!That part is true. However, it is closer to us than we might think.

Here is why…

I make this bold statement after I have questionned all the suffering that has manifested in various forms, all over the world and within each one of us.

Let us look at our lives, who can say that they have the best life with absolutely no problems? Apart from obvious challenges such as illnesses, accidents,Corona Virus, the plague and others, the very fact that we are alive for some time only to grow old and die eventually, should be enough to convince even the most optimistic positivist, that we got the short end of the stick with this whole life thing!

I mean, if you were given a choice to come back again and live through half of the pain you have been dealt with, only to die sooner or later at an unknown time and place, would you agree?

At the very least you should demand to know the circumstances of your death and negotiate to have a pleasant natural passing, in your warm bed at atleast 120 years old, surrounded by your adult great grandchildren.

For this very reason and countless others, I have been forced to entertain the possibility that we could be in hell right now. What if, like in the tv show “the Good Place,” we came here thinking this was it, only to find out later that we were duped by God and that this world right here, is in fact, a place where God sends the people with the biggest karmas to release, through inflicting all of this suffering upon us?

Before you scream, “blasphemy!”Just ask yourself what power you actually have over those unbearable circumstances of your life? Be it a dictator country, or the victims of the attacks in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and many more devastating events, what could have been heller than going through such life experiences? For example, right now as i write this more people die from hunger alone in yemen each day than even war, if that isn’t hell what else could it be?

A Poem About My Life

Universe, can you hear my cry?

I cry for help, for my life has lost meaning,

I search for signs, here and there, never resting, hoping you would reach out and guide me,

to my purpose in life, to the life I am meant to have and enjoy,

to the big true love of my life,

I lost count of the many times I thought I had found my passion, only to realize my life was stuck,

in mundane lifestyle, of waking up, working and sleeping,

I can’t help but wonder, is there a better way of living?

Perhaps an answer to all this boredom,

Is there a place, that would make me happy?

Is there a person, that is missing in my life, who has the answers to why I am feeling so dissatisfied?

I stare at the pictures on my vision board,

One of a happy couple, one of a beautiful house,

I wonder, are these things far out of reach?

Or is this just a way to console,

the hearts of those who seek beyond what they can get?

I stare at myself in the mirror,

Do I like who I see?

What does life plan for this person,

Who lost hope in all the disappointment,

Is there a happy end in her tragic life?

Incongruence: The Art of Being Fake

There is a new culture in town. The unspoken, undocumented lifestyle of fake smiles, fake promises, fake love and putting up appearances and façades. Understandably, in a world with high expectations and harsh critics, it is only justifiable that in order to defend ourselves, we pretend to be and say what we don’t mean from our hearts. However, I still respect some of us who are brave enough to be their authentic self regardless of the impending criticism and crucifixion.

Congruence is one of the core conditions of therapeutic relationship as identified by Carl Rogers, when he explained that a client will only respond to therapy when the counsellor does not put up airs about himself or his status and stands separated from his client as the All-Knowing God of answers-to-problems and Truth. He went on to say that nobody will care how much you know unless they know how much you care. In essence, I think what he was trying to say was simply that in order to have a meaningful and impactful relationship with a client/or anyone else in that matter, we need to be our true and authentic self; true to how we feel, what we have learned from our past mistakes, what we know and know not, and who we have become.

I have stayed true for a better part of my life, and I am sure most of you have as well, that is the time before you venture into the world as a full grown adult and then meet all the fakes I have mentioned above. The world is full of it. You cannot escape it. The only way anyone can, is if they decide they want to live on a deserted island, far, far away. It is like eating cereal in the morning, or going to exercise in the evening, fake has infiltrated our lives.

So how do you deal with it?

As much as I would like to have a solution to this problem to share with you guys, I admit this time, I have none. I have been confused and bewildered by anyone who would rather show a smiling face to me when they hate me, or have anyone lie and deceive me, time and time again, when they can choose to be honest with their words and actions. I used to suffer, cry my heart out, get depressed over this for quite a long time, until I realized the only way to survive among these people, is to play them at their own game. So, as much as I have ideals about authenticity, I try to keep that part of me to myself, in the privacy of my heart and mind, while outside, among them, I watch out for every word, promise, every action for it might not mean what it looks like.

The result of this incongruent lifestyle is obvious, increased number of failed relationships in the world. If every 9 out of 10 people do not say or act how they really feel, the whole world becomes this superficial and bogus stage where no real bonds between people are formed. As a result, nobody can experience true happiness and the love and intimacy between the two actors, whilst it managed to fool everyone watching, we all know will only last up to the final episode of that show.

Mum, Where Do We Come from?

Hi again! It is your friend, Nam Nam.

Today I asked mummy where I came from. She hugged me and said I was a gift sent from heaven to make her life beautiful. Of course I don’t know where heaven is but it looked like very far up in the sky where mummy was pointing. I asked mummy why my friends from the neighbourhood sleep outside and look hungry all the time. She said, “Baby, not everyone accepts the gift of love into their life, to nurture it and grow it.”

“Oh, okay.” I replied. Not fully understanding what she meant. I hope heaven would send us food.

God, Do You Really Care or are we just a show?

I was walking down the street, lost in deep thought and I halted, looked up at the sky, and whispered to God, “God, I really hope we are not just an amusement. I hope you care about us and love us.”

Whenever I get overly frustrated about this or that, I find myself watching me losing control over my emotions and I chuckle,”Ha! Why am I so worked up over this matter? This is an illusion, and I am reacting and playing to the tune of this reality, which I can stay on top of,if I want.”

I find my heart whispering to me during these desperate times, when my physical self overpowers my higher self, and I get annoyed by almost anything and anyone, “If you don’t like it, ignore it.” If you don’t like how something or someone makes you feel, don’t engage. It is supposed to stop causing you frustration. It is supposed to leave your life. Remember, where focus goes, energy flows. Once you start engaging your attention and frustration in what you don’t like, more of the same will flow into your experience.It is the law of momentum. It is the law of like attracts like. To break the momentum you must sleep. How many times can you sleep for every emotion that drives you bananas?

Was Buddha so unaffected by everything? Will I learn a few things from him? Does God care about how we feel? Is he watching us as we cry, get sad, frustrated and confused? Did he intend for us to come here just for this roller coaster ride? Is he enjoying the show?

Please God tell me you care what happens to us. Please say that you intended more for us than what is happening to us. Please declare that you love us and you will never abandon us to this meaningless rat race we call life!

Say Thank You In Advance

I remember wondering why it is considered proper courtesy to write the phrase, “Thank you in advance,” in formal applications for a job or when requesting something. Why say thank you when you might not even get the job, or even a reply? Today I understand why. Saying thank you in advance, in all areas of your life, is a magical trick to get you what you want.

God in the Qoran says, “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you.” Whenever I came across this verse, I paused and reflected, “What can I be thankful for today?”. I never thought, by saying thanks to God in advance, or by maintaining a constant state of gratitude, I was actually going to receive more.

Here is another magical example…I was trying to unscrew a bolt to let trapped air out of my water pump and it wouldn’t budge. I kept trying, frustrated, afraid that I was going to have to carry water up the stairs with buckets. Forever passed by and I was still struggling. I stopped to take a break and played with my phone, accidentally tapping on “gratitude meditation affirmations” by Live The Life You Love, and decided to let it play. I listened on to the relaxing music and the beautiful words filled with thankfulness as I tried, for the last time, to unscrew the bolt, and it moved. I was able to pump water in the following several minutes without any hassle.

Another example I will give you of how gratitude can change circumstances is this. I had a very bad day. In fact, my emotions were all over the place, intense feelings of anger boiled inside me and I tried food, breathing exercises and whatnot to calm my intruding thoughts and the storm in my chest, nothing worked. I was flipping though you tube and I ended up playing a gratitude meditation video, and suddenly, as if by magic, my mind, heart and energy shifted completely. I felt present. I could feel peace infiltrating into my being and I instantly felt relieved.

I have learned that the best way to secure what you desire is to be so immersed in thankfulness for it as if you already have it. Does it make any sense? I think this is connected with the feeling of having what you wish therefore, speeding up the arrival of what you seek to enter into your life. This is also linked to the rule of the universe, “like attracts like,” meaning that where you are at will bring you more of the same. So if you remain in a continued state of gratitude, as if you already have what you want, anything vibrating with that same energy of satisfaction and fulfillment will be drawn to you.

“Tell Me What You Want to Do.”

I say it all the time, the universe talks to you. Just listen.

I was watching TV and I noticed a bizarre happening. It was as if somehow, some of the words the actors were saying applied directly to me. Yes, my logical readers will scream, “Coincidence!”, I hear you! But please entertain me for a moment, perhaps I may persuade you.

As I was saying, I was watching a show, in Korean, with subtitles. and I noticed, a scene where one actor comments to a guy who was straining too much to see, ” Take care of your eyes.” Now I want to say that I was in a dark room, within 1 meter’s distance to the screen, intently watching the 6th episode of the show. Being poor-sighted I was wearing glasses, and as you can already guess, my eyes were straining. Not yet convinced?

Yesterday, I was watching Bridgerton, and there was this scene where Daphne nervously eats grapes, I have vitamin c deficiency and I get most of my vitamin c from grapes which I remember to partake at least once in every two weeks. I had been out of town recently and I forgot to have my regular vitamin c intake. Today I got up with a sore gum. Do you get it? I must be delusional right? Haha!

Most of the times, the universe speaks in numbers, for those geeks who like codes, for me though, unless they are numbers personal to me and I have assigned them meanings particular to my case, I prefer more straightforward signs such as a catch phrase on someone’s t-shirt that says, “Never Give Up!”, “Show Them.” or other important messages that seem to appear when I need them the most. For this reason I keep a keen eye on my surroundings just so I don’t miss the hints for when the universe is addressing me. And I think you should too? I mean, what have you got to lose?

The 7 States Of Mind That Will Change Your Life

What if I told you that everything you have been told about life until now is very little and they left out the most important parts?

Would you be willing to do away with everything you have learned about life and start over in your mind?

I am lucky. I am lucky I got access to this kind of thinking; to the truth about life. Can you also get the same? The answer depends on you. Do you allow yourself to think differently, to dare to forget everything and embrace a path that is filled with possibilities and miracles?

In order to get acquainted with this way of life you need to be in the following states of mind:

  1. Question everything. Ask why everything you have known and seen and touched and experienced, is the way it is. Who decided this? Is there another way the things you have known about life could have been, is there a better way?
  2. Be daring and a little bananas. How much are you willing to forego? Are you brave enough to declare your power over your life? Do you perhaps get scared to believe in more than one way of thinking? For example, me being born a Muslim already meant that there will always be a line I am not supposed to cross when it comes to beliefs and God and whatnot. I remember the very first time I held “The Secret” book in my hands and someone warned me, “No, be careful, you will confuse your thoughts.” Back to my question, are you willing to read that book anyway, and believe regardless of your beliefous background?
  3. Are your current beliefs working out for you? Many people in the world have benefited from seeing the world in a brand new way, wishing they had known how this world worked earlier, so they could have avoided so much suffering and helplessness. Will you still believe even after seeing miracles? Or will you be like the pharaoh, who demanded in order to believe, “Prove yourselves by working a miracle,” and still disbelieved anyway.
  4. Are you sure about this? Ask yourself, do I wish to see my life change? Because once you know, you know. You cannot un-know all the exciting things this new way of thinking will bring to your life.
  5. What you see or “reality” is indeed, the illusion. Are you willing to accept that what is happening to you or your life circumstances are all created by you? Can you change from a passive victim to an active creator of your own reality?
  6. All the mambo-jumbo about the universe is actually truth( and thank God or whoever it was who made this information available). Only on Earth or in this dimension, is the real truth made to be a delusion or the ramblings of lunatics, whereas, the so-called “reality” in which everyone finds themselves helpless and suffering, is made to be the truth. Why should you accept a truth that causes suffering, when an option exists which will free you and give you everything you want? How hard can it be, when all you have to do is believe? Jesus!
  7. Yes it works. All of it works. The law of Attraction works. Miracles exist. Everything I have learned and will continue to learn about the universe , works, always, anywhere in this world.

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