Reality Doesn’t Change, What Changes is You

Today, Hassan, an energetic and robust young man knocked at my door early in the morning, and woke the whole neighbourhood up. I went to check who that was, who replaced the rooster today in his job. I see Hassan, smiling at the wall or something, dressed in his usual rugs and leaning against the wall, without his shoes.

I looked at my watch, it must be at least 6:50 AM. “Hassan!” I call his name.He looks up and his eyes sparkle with excitement as if he was going to meet his soon-to-be-bride, Amina, whom he wouldn’t stop talking about. I opened the door and welcomed him in. He went up the stairs and sat just about anywhere, waiting. I shut the door and asked him where he has been all this time. I hadn’t seen him for quite a while. I told him I thought he had finally gone to his village, to wed Amina, and he wasn’t coming back to Lamu anymore. He said he had been busy doing construction work somewhere in Lamu and that is why I couldn’t see him for what seemed like forever. I asked him if he would have a cup of tea, since I hadn’t either and I was going to make some. He said no he would rather get some cleaning work done in the house first and then he would have my tea.

Hassan starts to clean and sweep and mop the house as I watch him, wondering if this, was a reality he had accepted as part of his life. Meaning no arrogance at all, my mind kept on wondering who decides who gets to be the lady and who gets to be the help. I started imagining what would happen if one day hassan woke up and realized he does not want to keep on doing this. What then, would his desire to do something else be strong enough to change his current “reality?”.

Reality does not move an inch. What changes is you. Why? Because when you realize you want something else and not what is infront of you, reality has no choice but to step away and a new one, the one you seek, finds you. If this is true, and it has worked for me before, then I will dare say, that nobody should worry about the external,as long as the internal is in check.That as long as you realize you don’t want to get angry and lose control every time something does not go your way, or be miserable and sad because someone bullied you or patronized you, as long as you focus on what you want, things will start shifting because your energy will no longer sustain what you refuse to be your circumstances. Does this make any sense?

Where Are You At, Vibration-ally?


The answer is us. Who we are attracts who we meet.

Is it all right or not? Of course not. I mean we want to believe we are victims. We all would rather have someone to point the finger at for all the cheating, lying and destructive relationships we have gone through. Don’t we?

Love is real and it exists. That image you have in your mind of your ideal boyfriend, or spouse, exists because he exists… somewhere, in this universe. Problem is, where are you energetically? What vibes do you project from your being? Are your core self-beliefs in check? Do you love yourself? Do you have boundaries? Or are you struggling with low self-esteem, crippling sense of self-worth and self-loathing? If the vibration you send into the world is that of hate, for yourself or those around you, what do you expect you will see? If you continue being controlling and nasty to everyone around you, what type of partner will you likely attract? If you carry around with you, memories of betrayal, feelings of inadequacy and past hurts, what version of a partner are you creating with your energy?

Can I tell you a secret? I have not shared this with anyone else. What if I told you, who you are, is who you get? Where you are at in your soul, your ego, your passion, is what your partner will be? Now I know it is not natural to accept that we are culpable.We would like to say we were the good ones and they were the bad guy. This is why we are being told, we don’t only create from our conscious awareness, but we are mostly creating from the parts of ourselves we have not become aware of yet. Our subconscious and unconscious behavior, thought patterns and other hidden stuff we have not yet seen about ourselves, are running this show we call our life.

Enough about what hides beneath the surface… Let us please take a look at how the universe works. The universe senses those things we don’t see about us and responds to them. The circumstances we see are the result of what we can’t see unless we probe and question and observe our patterns of behavior. The universe will not look at your smiling face and send you more reasons to smile, it will look at your energy and if it is a happy one, consistently happy one, you will see the change in the people you meet and in your circumstances. It is little about what we do, and more about what we feel that decides whether we get to have a good day or an awful one.

What you also need to understand is the person you want is there, but the key that unlocks the door to let them into your life, requires you to level up so you can be an energetic match to the person you dream about. In short, simple words, be the person you want to meet, love and commit to. Do you think you would love you and choose to spend the rest of your life with you? If the answer is no, what can you do to change that?

I will give you my own example, I met a guy who was the best, I was convinced he was the one, only to be hurt miserably. The red flags were all over the place from the first meeting, but I thought it was all in my head because everyone else admired how charming, generous and loving he was. I thought I was overthinking. Now, I think about all the times I enabled him. He was a selfish narcissist, who had low self-worth, despite all the admiration he was getting from others. And I was the girl with daddy issues, mommy issues, issues-issues, think of every case of low self-esteem, self-criticizing, self-neglecting kind of scenarios, I was all of that. He thrived in my pain. Played games with my mind. What was worse, was that every time I tried to forget him, he would come right back, win me with a big gesture of affection, then ghost me for the next two or three months. I could not move on. He lied and deceived and sorry was a word that never sounded from his mouth in the multiple times he lied and hurt me. In fact, he manipulated me to say sorry to him, how do you say sorry to someone who should apologize to you? Miraculously, I started loving myself, prioritizing myself, and leveled up so fast and so sudden, that it threw him off. He slowly started fading away from my mind, my heart, and my experience. Where focus goes, energy flows, because I started to focus on what I love and how I feel, the energy he was siphoning from me, like a vampire, was restored to this rightful owner. Now, I see through him like glass, and I wish I had begun the journey of self-love earlier on in my life, I would not even have met him. Do you get what I am saying? Be aware of the frequency you broadcast, because it will respond. Love yourself, and everything you hate will disappear automatically, while everything you love will start to appear in your life, that is the law of the universe.

The Universe Responds

I want to say, and I hope you are listening, that I just posted a while ago today, and in my post, I mentioned Vishen Lakhiani, (founder of Mindvalley, an extraordinary human being, brilliant mind, amazing soul etc.) and suddenly, my YouTube advert is full of him, talking about the magic of accessing alternate states of consciousness and other awesome truths. I simply just thought about him for a second, and he appears everywhere, through multiple ads on YouTube. Did he appear so frequently before? Not really, and if he did, I did not notice. So, what does this tell me?

One, either the universe or something is paying close attention to my thoughts and the things or people I focus my attention on, and is bringing them to me, showing them up in my experience, or, just like Esther Hicks says, where focus goes, energy flows, I started seeing him more now than before, simply because right now my mind remembered him, and in doing so, activated my senses to notice him more. Am I making any sense?

If what I am observing is true, don’t we all need to start paying attention to our thoughts and think only about things or people we want to see appear in our experience and life? Isn’t this a powerful tool we have been blessed with, to think amazing things and they will come true? This confirms that if we don’t like the circumstances of our life, if we want to see positive change, we need to change the way we think and the stuff we think about. How many things do you think in a day? If you were told, everything you thought about today since you woke up, would be you reality for tomorrow, would you be happy and excited or worried and panicked? What if this were true? Can you make sure to think only what you want to see? Is it so hard to think great thoughts, powerful thoughts, transforming and miracle-bringing thoughts, making-the-impossible-the difficult-to-achieve-possible kind of thoughts. If someone told you, whatever you wish for is granted, would you start wishing for your dreams to come true or would you dismiss that information as a joke, a falsehood, or something that only works for others but not you?

Start believing! Start thinking amazing thoughts, and let the universe prove to you whether or not it is true. I mean, what do you have to lose?

The Art of Allowing- Esther Hick’s Words

Because someone who trusts, lets things happen. Feel the difference between flowing with the river downstream, and climbing against the current upstream. Your work if there is any, is to trust the stream, that if you are to let go of those oars, that the law of attraction will get you to where you belong as long as you have practiced the required vibration. Drop the oars. It is not about making it happen, it is about making peace with where you are at in life. When you make peace with where you are, you stop resistance which will ultimately take you where you want. In short, you work too hard, which does not serve you. Let go. Soothe yourself when you feel the tension. Tell yourself, “There is nothing serious going on here.” Even though you don’t have the solution or an instant answer to the question, you will notice a change.

Esther Hicks

Esther Hicks always has an answer to the tough questions about life. I feel like whenever I am confused, she has the answers. These words for example, are most powerful, yet simplest words anyone can say. “Drop the oars and surrender to the flow of the universe.” The hardest thing to practice is always the easiest. It is just the irony of life. It is more natural to worry, to feel anxious, to feel overwhelm, and confused, when you have a choice to let it all go and see how it unfolds. Somehow we have been made to believe that we need to plan for everything in our life, we need to have clear goals and take the necessary action. We need to take control of our lives and do the best we can, work very hard, in order to have a successful life. Vishen Lakhiani begs to disagree. He says, working hard is the biggest lie we have been told. Why would he think that? Why would surrendering be more powerful than control? Could it be because someone or something always has our life taken care of? That something higher than our selves knows where we are in relation to what we want and how to best get us there using the path of least resistance?

I will be happy to surrender. I am telling the universe right now, “Universe, I choose to surrender to your plans for my life. I choose to accept and be at peace with where I am in my life. I surrender to you to bring to my experience every wonderful thing in the world. I am aware that there are some things in my life I have no control over, and I choose to accept them all and appreciate them, good or bad, I know they are meant for my highest good and nothing is an accident. Everything always works out for me, even when it does not seem so at the moment. Thank you for everything, big and small, good or seemingly bad, that has ever happened in my life. I am choosing to enjoy every single second of my life, to thrive in all ways and areas of my life. Please help me surrender control and trust fully in your ability to bring into my life amazing things. I am dropping those oars and I am flowing with the current of my life.”

How Do You Know It Is the Universe Talking To You?

I was happy. For the first time in my life I was not alone. I realized the universe speaks to you, only if you dare to go a little crazy, or a lot crazy, depends on how far you are willing to go. I was already called crazy several times, weird or different from everybody else, so it did not take me so much effort to go a little further down that daring road, of forsaking everything I had been taught about the world and trying to see it in an, “are-you-delusional?” kind of way.

I have tremendous respect to all the gurus and authors of books about law of attraction and beating the unbeatable odds, which life has taught us to accept as a normal part of life, however, most people consider all this life-altering and transforming knowledge, as rantings of lunatics, or a certain class of people who wish to be handed everything they desire, simply by repeating a bunch of affirmations and mantras. It is also these same people who are complaining that life is unfair and we must have been all fools for agreeing to come down to Earth just to suffer and die.

That is why, if you find out you belong to that “class of lunatics”, you have a hard time integrating into the beliefs and ways of thinking others are somehow still trying to impose on you,no matter how changed you have become. So how do you know which path to take? Once you have realized you are no longer alone and anything you want is possible to achieve, which way should you invest your time and energy in? Where can you get guidance to know which decision has the best potential for success and which one is still stuck in the old way of thinking which you must avoid? What tell-tale signs does the universe give you to assure you of being on the right path? How do you know you are where you are supposed to be in your life?

During such times of confusion, I rely on angel numbers which appear at certain times. I also do tarot, but because of my limited skills I don’t understand what most of the cards, when combined together, mean. I also find myself meditating and asking my higher self for guidance and wisdom. Now after doing all of that, in the meantime, I find myself receiving advice from people. Someone can come and say, “There is this opportunity I think you should apply.” Or someone would tell me, “Why don’t you consider going back to school and finishing law?” Then there is the fact that the universe puts you where you need to be right now. I look at the right now of my life, and I find many reasons to want to consider other options. Which is which? Universe can you please tell me with certainty and beyond any reasonable doubt, whether I should stay where I am in my life at the moment or go and embark on a whole new beginning? Can you please tell me if I should finish law, which until now is not something I would jump with joy about, or should I just pursue my dream even when I have no idea how to get there and whether or not that is where my success lies? Please speak to me.Thank you.

Believe It or Not, When You Ask, It Is Given

It was just a normal day at home. The flourescent light bulb burnt in my living room and I needed to replace it. It was at night and I could not stay dark so I sent a kid to the shop to buy one. Which shop? Had absolutely no idea. I waited and waited for what seemed like a year and when the kid showed up, he had empty hands and a frustrated look of hopelessness as he complained that he went to over 5 places and every time he was sent away because somehow, tonight, I really needed them, the whole world would suddenly not sell them! I bet even the light bulb factories would break down on the day I needed them. That was my level of disappointment.

Angry at all the shops in the world which would sell everything except what I was looking for at the moment,I stormed off, without any specific destination in mind, as I muttered under my breath, “Please take me to the shop that sells a flourescent light bulb.” I walked. It felt as if my whole body just walked by itself, my will aside. I tried the first shop, the guy said he does not sell them. Just as I was about to leave, cursing in my mind “of course you don’t”, something interesting happened. A guy was sitting by the shop and heard me ask for the bulb, he said, “I know where you can get one.” I almost hugged him. He told me in detail. I left ,a little hopeful,as I set out to find the shop he described. And I bought the bulb. In fact there were so many bulbs if I needed 10 I was still going to get them.

Do you get what I am saying?

I asked something or someone or nothing to get me to what I wanted. And whatever it was listened and answered through the guy who gave me directions. This means that my going to that specific shop was not an accident either, because it took me to pass by that shop in order for the guy to tell me where to find the bulb.

Here is the thing, my simple will could not get me what I wanted. I could have gone to a hundred shops that night based on my determination and will alone, and would still have come back home empty handed. But the moment I surrendered and asked “Please take me to…” I no longer had any control and whatever or whoever it was who took over delivered. Need I say more?

The School of Life-Who the hell planned my life?

Hi, this is one of those can’t-sleep-unless-I-write kind of posts. So here goes…

Most people believe that life is a school. I heard this term , “the school of life” many times and I am sure you have heard it too. What if these words are deeper than what the traditional school means to us? What if indeed, life is all about schooling us to become better in areas that we have a weakness in, so we can upgrade to someone who is completely transformed into an authentic and highest form of self?( blah blah blah)

Do we all not believe or at least want to believe we have some say in our lives and we can choose the kind of life we want to live? While that might be so empowering, it also begs the question then who decided things we have no control over, such as who we get to be, male or female? Into which family we get to be born? What race, religion or region of the world? And dozens of other stuff that we cannot claim to have any say in them? Can someone tell me?

There is a belief I heard about, which states that we chose the life we are living right now before we were even born. This belief also attempts to say that all the depression I went through,the anxiety, my proud status of a secret child, and all the times people were assholes in my life, all that hell I struggled to survive through, are not an accident, but rather they are the lessons I chose, or needed to learn in this lifetime to become better and work on my weaknesses so they can become my strengths. (Who put us in this mess? Shouldn’t I get to vote?)

Now imagine if this belief that everything is planned to teach us what we need to learn to become our fullest best selves at the end of the road were true. Would we regret doing anything at all? Would there be vocabulary like “mistakes”, “I wish I could have done this,” “I should not have done that,”? Would there be fear of the future or traumas from the past? Shouldn’t we feel relieved of the burden to choose and plan stuff in our lives?Won’t life be easier if we could just remember all the life details we chose to experience back then when we were noble souls( I so want to punch my soul self right now), who planned all the fantastic lessons our frail bodies and hearts would have to be grilled through in this life? Why make us forget all that we chose for ourselves back then (very malicious fish fishy? Take away our memories so we can be helpless donkeys)I would love to remember right about now,so that if it looks to me like my soul grossly overestimated my ability to cope with those freaking lessons it chose, I can exit this mistake I call life and say , “Hell no! I am outta here!”. I hope to be veeeery careful in my next life when I am picking and choosing my life, can someone remind me to please opt for learning the lesson of “having so much money and enjoying it with gratitude and a long healthy life,” or “being so free to travel the world and do the things I love while money multiplies on autopilot in my bank account and all I need is provided for without having to kiss up to some nasty boss’s ass,” in my mext life.Please universe can you include me in my own life plan next lifetime?Out of basic courtesy,please?

Anyway, long story short, whether I like it or not, this belief that everything is tailored to teach us,( God must really be a teacher, wasn’t there any other way to live?) is proving to be more true by the minute? And if that is the case, universe can I please just sleep and breath from today onwards and do absoultely nothing, living my life like a tomato plant, letting it all pan out for better or for worse?

A selfless Kind of Love

I always prayed…

God please please please make me so rich and so wealthy so I can be able to help animals and humans all over the world. This is my dream,this is what will give me joy and make me happy.

While I was walking in deep thought on the street,I looked up at a hopeful ray of cloud across the evening sky and imagined what it is that will truly satisfy me. I asked myself, “Zeinab,what it is that makes you want to become wealthy and rich and help animals and the whole world? What is it are you in search of? What does your soul really need? Could it be that you believe in giving and helping others because you would wish to receive that same help and love yourself? If so, should not you be praying, “God please,please send my way lots of selfless love. Let me be a recipient of loyal, faithful and a deep nourishing and nurturing love that will fulfill my heart and heal my wounds?

I felt my heart praying and whispering, I need love to be happy I am looking for a selfless kind of love, love that knows no selfish interests, lies or betrayal. Love that is unlimited by time and space. Where can I find this type of love. Where does it exist, if at all it does? Where does one meet with this kind of blissful love? Is it self-love? If that was the case, would not I be happier since I started loving myself? Why do I feel alone if indeed self love is the greatest love of all as Whitney so declares?

Letter To God

Dear God,

Thank you for the gift of life, for the air I breathe and for coming this far. God you know my innermost desires and the whispers of my heart. I have a dream, or rather dreams which I need your help with to make them come true. Please God help me, put your hand in my life and make everything that I desire to be realized in this 3D reality. I have gone through so much to reach here. All the time, you were by my side, helping me conquer the insurmountable odds that were against me in every phase of my life. The enemy tried to put me down but he failed to keep me down for long because of your powerful intervention lord. I need you now more than ever, for this is an important transition point in my life. I need you to hold my hand and go before me lord. Make right all my affairs lord, for you are the most High God, the most powerful, the one who when he says be and it is.

Continue reading “Letter To God”

Please Heal My Broken Heart

I met a girl once. She was beautiful, full of life and enthusiasm. She loved to write and to meditate and connect with animals and the whole world. She smiled always and would treat everyone she met with kindness. However, behind all that sweetness lay deep wounds. Wounds that tormented her in the night.

She tells me that sometimes she would cry without knowing why. She narrated to me all about her awful childhood, when she felt the most helpless and alone. I asked her, “where were your parents?” I know her parents very well. Her father is a prominent philanthropist who traveled to remote areas of the world to help people with food and build schools and wells. Her mother, a very pleasant and sweet lady who is kind and compassionate towards ants and other animals, is my closest friend. I could not understand what my friend was explaining to me. I felt alone, neglected and abandoned to the harsh world all by myself. I did the most part of raising myself. I could not experience what it feels like to go home and see a happy, united family. I do not know how it feels like to be shown affection by my father. She went on and on. I listened, my ears burning from all the pain infused within her words, I have never felt so guilty as I felt in that moment. The only complaint I have about my childhood is that my sister was getting more attention than me. Who could tell that there are others who would wish to simply see parents when they come back home from school? Did I take my parents for granted.(Sorry mum and dad).

Her ordeal made me think of all the things we take for granted in our lives. I promised to stay grateful for every thing I have, no matter how obvious or simple it is.

The things which shocked me the most when she was telling me her story, was the fact that even now, when she is 27 years old, she still struggles with getting any sign of affection from her father, who was absent throughout her life. She suffered immensely from low self esteem and confidence. Mostly she felt worthless. When everyone outside would praise her and her talent or the fact that she did law and is eloquent, has her own site and pursues her own hobby, all these things people were amazed about her, sounded alien to her. It was as if they were describing someone else. I would feel as if they had it all wrong about who I was. For how could an unloved child who could not be loved by her own father and who did not have any family growing up, be all those amazing things they were saying? I felt a hard lump form in my throat as I fought to stop my tears from falling. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her wake up, see how beautiful and accomplished and talented you are. I wanted to confess to her how I envy her for all that she is. I hoped at least this would reassure her of her worth, make her feel important. But the words could not come out of my mouth as I fought back the stabbing pain in the lamp pressing my throat.

How do people suffer so much so young? How many wounds do we hide from ourselves and the world and put up a smile when we are dying and crying for help on the inside? Who heals our hearts when we have so much pain and suffering? Who heals our minds from all the distorted beliefs about our own unworthiness? For how long will we remain victims of those who have more power than us, those who were meant to have mercy on us and love us?

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