I had a Big Realization Today

I know I rant about this and that sometimes(bear with me please), that is because, apart from my passion for writing which drove me to create this website over 3 years ago, another reason I put up my site at WordPress.com was simply to have a platform for venting. Can you relate? Perhaps, I should have know then that this website was going to be my diary, where I scribble this and that of every day of my life.

Yesterday after meeting with several frustrations, I came to my diary to vent. If you read yesterday’s post, you will see how confused and a little biased, (a lot biased, I mean, I really believed there are no good human beings left in this world)I was, about how hard human me vs. other humans who-are-not-me interactions can be. What stood out to me today however, was an enlightenment that perhaps, will solve my personal conundrum about relationships.

There was this book I found called, Loving What Is-Four questions that can change your life by Byron Katie, which gave me some hope of finding the answer to my disappointing experiences with other people in my life. My first impression of this book made me realize that it is not just a book you will read and forget, this is a lifestyle;A practice of asking yourself a set of four questions which she calls The Work.

If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless…

And yet, if you pay attention you’ll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. “People should be kinder.” “My neighbors should take better care of their lawn.”…

She explains in detail that the main cause of stress for us humans is when we argue with what is. She says it hurts when we argue with reality. Is she saying we should accept everything as is? We should in other words, accept others for who they are, their warts and all?Should we accept to be treated less than we deserve?

It is easy to be swept away by some overwhelming feeling, so it’s helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re caught in the dream.”Depression, pain and fear are gifts that say, “Sweetheart, take a look at what you’re thinking right now. You’re living in a story that isn’t true for you.”

She explains that in order to do The Work on yourself, you have to first inquire in writing, what it is that angers you, makes you sad, scared or confused etc. In the book she gives an example of a Judge-Your-Neighbor-Worksheet which has the following questions:

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why? What it is about them that you don’t like?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

3. What is it that they should or shouldn’t do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for them to be happy?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

5.What do you think of them?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

6. What is it that you don’t want to experience with that person again?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Once you are done filling out the worksheet, The Work, which is a set of four questions you ask yourself against all the answers you honestly and truthfully filled in the worksheet, then follows like this:

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react when you think that thought?

4. Who would you be without the thought?

and

Turn it around.

The Turn it around part is rather interesting. It is where everything you have complained about in your worksheet you turn it around such that you become the culprit and the person you are complaining about is the victim(which is the opposite of your worksheet answers, since you are the victim and someone else is the problem). Now this part has me a bit confused. But what I can say is that she makes a lot of sense so far and the methods she has described have worked on thousands of people to solve their problems, or rather, correct their perspectives of their problems so they can live a happier life, undisturbed by what others do or say outside of themselves. If this book truly does work, I might have to find another subject to rant about in my life in the near future, because I would be too happy to complain about anyone or anything ever again, I guess. Haha. See you next time!

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