Things Are A little Too Bipolar

I mean no offence to people all over the world who have bipolar disorder.I am speaking strictly from the view point of a daughter of a mother who suffers from BD.

It seems to me that most articles and medical journails mainly focus on the people with BD instead of people who live with those having BD.

In my humblest opinion, I believe that family of BD sufferers are the most affected. In fact, they are more affected during the pre-diagnosis stage whereby they have no idea why their loved one is a deranged maniac.

The drama, the highs and lows reach a point where they become too much. In fact, statistics say that affected members of the family are highly likely to develop depression and anxiety from the severe stress they are exposed to while dealing with the manic episodes and emotional outbursts of people with BD.

Emotional abuse, manipulation, and sheer irresponsibility for how they torture those around them make them more subjects of blame than of pity.

It is hard to feel sorry for someone who has caused you more sorrow and trauma than two world wars combined!

If people with BD cause those around them such unimaginable harm, then why do they get a free pass just because they are mentally troubled? Who is the victim here? It is unreasonable to expect someone whose life has been ruined by living with a person with BD, to continue to forego their emotional and physical wellbeing for the sake of an illness that hurts them more than the person who was diagnosed with it.

If you ask me, it seems like people with BD enjoy the drama. They seem to look for it in every word said or comment made. They seem to want to pick fights and make everything about them. It is emotionally exhausting to be around them.

God Is A Writer, Too.

I was busy reading Elements Of Writing when I realized that God, is a writer and a good one at that.

When you are writing a story, you create characters, develop a plot, include conflict whether internal or external and finally you end your story with a climax and resolution. The writer gives the characters opinions, feelings and the ability to interact with other characters in the book. If you start considering it, you might just see what I see. Anyway, I will help you see what I mean.

God, in His Abundant Glory as the Writer, Executor and Planner of All Life on Earth decides to write a story about me:

In a tiny island far, far away, a beautiful,bubbly,  baby girl was born. It was her birthday, the 6th of January and she brought with her cheer and joy as family members and friends stormed into her tiny, decent home to give her a proper welcome into the world. Her mother, did not mind the difficult birth because she knew in her heart, all this was worth it. Her baby could not be more healthy!

Her father named her on her seventh day, zeinab, ( zeinul- ab: the beauty of the father). It was as if he had known that she would grow up to resemble him in her everything! ” Zeinab”, could not be more appropriate!…

While I could not be more excited to finish the story above, it is God’s story and he is still telling it in His own pace. You just cannot rush the “man upstairs”!

Do you think characters in a well-written book could come to life and be actual people? I think so. If a writer is good at what they do, they can give life to the characters in the book; Stephanie Meyer did it in Twilight Trilogy! Her books were made into Twilight Saga and its subsequent sequels. The characters in the books transformed into live people on TV.

Imagine God to be this incredible writer who authored gargantuan amount of books with every book containing a story about each person who ever lived in this world. Imagine Him sitting somewhere planning out the setting, mood, and plot of your life from the moment you were born, through the downs and ups of your life, as you encountered problems and  obstacles in your path, as you learnt to solve your problems, and your happily ever after.

There is a reason why God is called Omniscient.Maybe, it is because He uses Third Person Omniscient point of view to write his stories.This way, He will know about the feelings and on-goings  of each one of us, characters, in his books, without being restricted by our actions or places in His magnanimous Book Of Life!

I Need ,Therefore I Am

Think about it!

Think about the first cell ever to be alive! The genesis of life; the beginning of it all. If I were the first cell ever to exist, I would not know why or how I came to be. Of course, the thought of that would not even cross my mind because I would have no mind, consciousness, nor would I possess ability to think. I would simply exist. And what do I mean by simply existing? I would be there. Being there would evidence the fact that I AM. I am there. Therefore, you cannot dispute my existence. You can pretend I don’t exist or simply ignore me but you cannot erase the mere fact that I exist.

Now imagine the first human being to ever exist in this world.If you are a believer of Darwin’s theory of Evolution, or of Adam and Eve, I would like to dare you to think outside the context of these two theories and instead use your wild imgination to imagine a once upon a time when a single human being capable of reason and judgement, who in this case is the first of human kind to ever exist, existing in this world.

What do you think is the first thing that will come to its mind?( I use it because it does not know its identity and of course back then, when the first human being existed, pronouns did not).

First Human Being Ever to Exist(FHBEE): “What am I? Where do I come from?Why am I here?”????

Nope, I don’t think so! What I think FHBEE is likely to ask itself is: “Why do I feel pain here?”( pointing to its stomach), after which it will figure out it needs to eat!

I dare to say that as human beings our entire existence is defined by needs: we need oxygen to breathe, we need food to eat, we need water to drink, we need social interaction to remain sane, we need to learn new things to become aware of our surroundings, we need to achieve to feel purposeful, we need to change to feel growth and most of all we need to believe that our existence has a reason, that there is a point to all this, in order to feel validated. Need, need , need and need. That has been our dynamic in so far as our existence is concerned.

Therefore, I have come to a conclusion that the very reason behind our existence is to live life pursuing the things we need. Living life like this may just as well be how we were meant to live it.

Those who search for the answer to our existence do not stop needing food, water, oxygen or belief while they are in the process of thought or reflection. That goes to say that, maybe, the answer to our existence has been there all along, right within us, but we fail to see it because we are too busy needing to believe that perhaps, there is a grand plan behind all of this, because we need to believe this, in order to feel validated.

I need therefore, I am!

I Am Too Progressive For My Community

I have never felt the need to negatively criticize something unless it was grossly unfair in my eyes. For example, it is common practice for every arab girl to consider being a little compromising with her ambitions in life for the sake of her future husband and children. In other words, the most ideal girl in my community is one who understands her “limits” as far as her gender requires her to by virtue of maintaining religious and cultural status quo. Be educated but not in areas that are naturally masculine for example like being an army soldier. Being assertive is out of the question for me because I must be soft-spoken and submissive, first to my parents then later to my husband.

A good woman understands that there are things she will need to give up for her husband and children. When work starts getting in the way of my most fundamental natural duties of housekeeping and child rearing then trouble insues and I will be to blame. I will be deserving of my husband’s hostile behavior which is really just his way of disciplining my actions and his marrying of a second wife, a way for him to teach me a good lesson which is never to take his holiness for granted since there are many polite, submissive fishes in the sea?

I have always found myself resenting expectations my society places on girls and women. If the child is defiant, it takes after its mother. If the child is brilliant, the father’s genes are strong enough to neutralise mummy’s “bad” genes. Daughters live to impress their fathers and mothers somehow should be grateful to have a daughter who went to school, because, thank goodness, she did not take after her mother who lives blissfully in ignorance.

I always thought ,” I am never going to be a housewife.” I just hated the idea of living for the sole purpose of taking care of someone else. I thought there was no existence worse than living life in the shadow of a husband or his children. But with time what I came to realize was that if ever I were to stand a chance at a good marriage in my community, I would have to change how I looked at things.

It will indeed be a radical transformation!I am on one extreme end of one perspective which is a million light years away from this other perspective which is the common law so to speak of where I come from.

So to be able to argue in favour of a housewife who wakes up to cook, clean and I do not know what else a housewife does to keep herself busy all day every day for the rest of her life, I am going to try to look at things from the perspective of arab housewives all over the world!

The BTS Lives of Housewives of Housewivesville

BTS-Behind The Scenes

I met a few housewives in my 24 years starting with my mother who was a single parent with no job or education and she represented the typical desperate housewife. This specific type of housewife.n.e.s.s was responsible for leaving a bad taste in my mouth as far as marriage was concerned.

However, I was able to come across other types of housewives who seemed to be running not only the house but its head as well as its head’s bank account. This type of a housewife may appear to be powerless but that is only a façade in the face of bypassers and nosy neighbours. But for people who have an eye for these things, you can tell right away if a housewife is too powerful to run not just one house but ten, all that under the office of “housewife”! Housewives like this use manipulation if they must to get their way all the time!

Then we have housewives who love their husbands enough to let them marry other women and then become friends with their co-wives and all of them live happily ever after. Ahem! Just kidding, they do not exist; atleast, not on planet Earth!

I have wondered whether marriage was for me at all! Is the reason I feel this way having anything to do with the fact that I come from a broken family? Maybe. Therefore,I am reluctant to validate my perspective on marriage in the meantime because I feel it might be biased. What if I had come from a functional happy family? Would I still think that marriage was for losers? (No offense, Married peeps!)

Or perhaps, I feel repulsed by marriage because I am a millenial who does not give a dime about the traditional, tried-and-true lifestyle oldies from generations before mine held to be a pathway to living a complete, meaningful life.

You know what? I do believe that we should have someone to look after us when we are sick and make us chicken soup. But what of those other times you want to be alone and not have someone nag you to death or steal your oxygen? Did you know that the more people you sleep in a room with the more chances you stand to be suffocated? Why do you think that is?As if i have to tell you!Of course it is because there are just way too many noses and lungs sucking away at precious air that you yourself should have all to your amazing, deserving self had you not had to share your living space with that many noses!

I am officially crazy!

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