I have never felt the need to negatively criticize something unless it was grossly unfair in my eyes. For example, it is common practice for every arab girl to consider being a little compromising with her ambitions in life for the sake of her future husband and children. In other words, the most ideal girl in my community is one who understands her “limits” as far as her gender requires her to by virtue of maintaining religious and cultural status quo. Be educated but not in areas that are naturally masculine for example like being an army soldier. Being assertive is out of the question for me because I must be soft-spoken and submissive, first to my parents then later to my husband.
A good woman understands that there are things she will need to give up for her husband and children. When work starts getting in the way of my most fundamental natural duties of housekeeping and child rearing then trouble insues and I will be to blame. I will be deserving of my husband’s hostile behavior which is really just his way of disciplining my actions and his marrying of a second wife, a way for him to teach me a good lesson which is never to take his holiness for granted since there are many polite, submissive fishes in the sea?
I have always found myself resenting expectations my society places on girls and women. If the child is defiant, it takes after its mother. If the child is brilliant, the father’s genes are strong enough to neutralise mummy’s “bad” genes. Daughters live to impress their fathers and mothers somehow should be grateful to have a daughter who went to school, because, thank goodness, she did not take after her mother who lives blissfully in ignorance.
I always thought ,” I am never going to be a housewife.” I just hated the idea of living for the sole purpose of taking care of someone else. I thought there was no existence worse than living life in the shadow of a husband or his children. But with time what I came to realize was that if ever I were to stand a chance at a good marriage in my community, I would have to change how I looked at things.
It will indeed be a radical transformation!I am on one extreme end of one perspective which is a million light years away from this other perspective which is the common law so to speak of where I come from.
So to be able to argue in favour of a housewife who wakes up to cook, clean and I do not know what else a housewife does to keep herself busy all day every day for the rest of her life, I am going to try to look at things from the perspective of arab housewives all over the world!
The BTS Lives of Housewives of Housewivesville
BTS-Behind The Scenes
I met a few housewives in my 24 years starting with my mother who was a single parent with no job or education and she represented the typical desperate housewife. This specific type of housewife.n.e.s.s was responsible for leaving a bad taste in my mouth as far as marriage was concerned.
However, I was able to come across other types of housewives who seemed to be running not only the house but its head as well as its head’s bank account. This type of a housewife may appear to be powerless but that is only a façade in the face of bypassers and nosy neighbours. But for people who have an eye for these things, you can tell right away if a housewife is too powerful to run not just one house but ten, all that under the office of “housewife”! Housewives like this use manipulation if they must to get their way all the time!
Then we have housewives who love their husbands enough to let them marry other women and then become friends with their co-wives and all of them live happily ever after. Ahem! Just kidding, they do not exist; atleast, not on planet Earth!
I have wondered whether marriage was for me at all! Is the reason I feel this way having anything to do with the fact that I come from a broken family? Maybe. Therefore,I am reluctant to validate my perspective on marriage in the meantime because I feel it might be biased. What if I had come from a functional happy family? Would I still think that marriage was for losers? (No offense, Married peeps!)
Or perhaps, I feel repulsed by marriage because I am a millenial who does not give a dime about the traditional, tried-and-true lifestyle oldies from generations before mine held to be a pathway to living a complete, meaningful life.
You know what? I do believe that we should have someone to look after us when we are sick and make us chicken soup. But what of those other times you want to be alone and not have someone nag you to death or steal your oxygen? Did you know that the more people you sleep in a room with the more chances you stand to be suffocated? Why do you think that is?As if i have to tell you!Of course it is because there are just way too many noses and lungs sucking away at precious air that you yourself should have all to your amazing, deserving self had you not had to share your living space with that many noses!
I am officially crazy!