I feel things so deeply, it is almost as if I have supersized and supercharged nerves that pick on even the slightest emotion and triple-thousand it instantaneously without hesitation, leaving me completely overwhelmed.
When I was in my overly curious years, I developed so many unanswered questions in my head mostly about the universe and our existence and the purpose behind it. I have always looked at myself as the tiniest speck of dust in a planet which is found within this wonderous galaxy composed of thousands of stars which also is part of a much larger universe comprised of more galaxies and I ask myself, “How, why, what and when?”How did the universe come to be? Why did the universe exist? What created the universe? and when exactly was this perfect synchronized universal system constructed?
What I have been failing to see was just how impossibly difficult these questions are and whether or not I really want to know the answers had they existed! If I am totally intrigued by the existence of my own self and how and why I came to be and still cannot figure any of that out, how could I expect to figure out the entire universe?
I mean look at us, before we even look at the sky and wonder why it is blue and not pink, let us take a look at our glorious selves and ask simple questions like, how do our hearts keep beating automatically? How we all grow up eventually from being cute( or annoying,however you like it) babies with tiny feet and hands to become full grown, independent people and finally age ( most terribly, if I may add. Whoever came up with the saying “age like fine wine” was probably drunk at the time) to become as helpless and dependent as we were when we were kids, or how we all eventually die one by one, each at their own time, and gradually new babies are born who grow up and then die and the cycle goes on and on? I mean what is the point of all this? Is there a greater,unknown reason behind the existence of human beings and the universe and God and all that which defines the existence of matter in a given space and time?
I have wondered for some time now but most of all what makes me anxious is the fact that maybe, just maybe, all this was for nothing; Maybe all the human suffering an ordinary human being goes through in a lifetime, all the wars, the famines, the floods, the earthquakes, the heartbreaks and the Urinary Tract Infections were all for NOTHING! The mere idea of that scares me and strips away any clothe of hope I have left covering my heartbroken, chronically-disappointed,continously-let down, severely lonely and desperately-single- self that is holding onto a tiny spark of hope in her heart that perhaps, just perhaps, there is a reason, a divine explanation to this madness that is called human existence!